Wandering Damage Table!

[FireLance]

Darths and Droids is a pretty good screencap webcomic (in the style of DM of the Rings), but I thought last Thursday's update (27 Jan 2011) was worthy of particular mention because it reproduced the Wandering Damage Table from Dragon #96.

Some of my favorites:

(Wandering Damage System Matrix)
4 Your character cuts himself while shaving; consult Limb Loss Subtable.

(Limb Loss Subtable)
6 Torso cut in half

(Random Damage Subtable)
36-40 Roll every die you own for damage.
66-70 Roll every die within 30 feet for damage.
71-73 Add up the total hit points of everyone in the party. Take that much damage.

 

[ExploderWizard]

Exactly! Who needs monsters? Cut out the middleman and deal out damage directly.

My fav from that table IIRC was:

Something invisible chews on you for 6-36 points of damage.

 

[kitsune9]

I really enjoyed these strips.

 

[The Shaman]

This reminds me - I want to try a time-traveling opponent sometime.

Player: I'll walk quietly down the hall, watching the floor and the ceiling.
Referee: (throws 2d10) Okay, you take fourteen points of damage.
Player: Huh?!? From what?!
Referee: You'll find out in . . . (throws 1d6) . . . four rounds.

 

[jonesy]

The inappropriately carefree DM response table:

1d20

1. "No."
2. "I don't think so."
3. "Because 5 trolls suddenly surprise you."
4. "It's 2 meters long."
5. "That's what the elf said."
6. "You fumble."
7. "It's from Monty Python."
8. "A dragon, and he looks angry."
9. "A 5x5 room. There's pie in the middle. It is guarded by an orc."
10. "Yes. But only if you score a critical."
11. "You don't see anything."
12. "Someone hits you on the back of the head. You are knocked out. Roll for damage."
13. "You don't know."
14. "You hear a scream for help. Hop to it, hero."
15. "There's a castle on a hilltop. It looks magnificent."
16. "There's a manor within the woods. It looks spooky."
17. "It's only a model."
18. "You find nothing."
19. "I rolled a critical."
20. "A wizard did it."

 

[Stormonu]

15. "There's a castle on a hilltop. It looks magnificent."

It's just a model!