Re: The original post -
Oh, yeah, I know exactly what you are talking about. Sorry I couldn't make it through 8 pages of responses - I only got about halfway - but I know what you mean. Our group has a warlord player that is constantly complaining about not being able to use powers on himself. Granted, this guy can really be an ass, so take that for what it's worth - but still, it's being felt.
My take is that warlords are just hard to play, because it's not intuitive. Almost all the other classes are so self- and damage-focused and their tactics are based around "what's a good idea right now," so it's hard to play a guy that has to spend actions/turn order to set cool stuff up that doesn't happen immediately. It's also harder to swallow when you spend two rounds (and lots of powers) setting up something cool and it doesn't come off. And sometimes it's hard to really get a feel for how much some warlord abilities really help, because they are very small factors that can be overlooked easily. For instance, the +2 init bonus is one of the most powerful class features in the game, in my opinion - and it helps ALL THE TIME. (Even the warlord!) His little pluses here and there really add up, but they aren't a BIG dramatic effect that's easy to see (like Brute Strike) - so it's easier to forget, and it -feels- like you're not doing as much. But, really, you are. And hopefully: you know.
It seems like the leaders are designed for self-sacraficers, strikers for selfish players, and defenders for the rest (I don't know anything about wizards).
Wow. This sentence really made me take pause.
I think you may have hit onto some kind of universal truth here; a quick mental check of multiple games I've been a part of shows this to be a very strong trend! "Helpers" or "others-focused" people tend to head for the "support" roles (sorry leader, but that name was a marketing choice - you are "support"), and more self...focused people tend to head straight for the strikers. How interesting.
And it has a wider implication, too: if you're a DM (and who in this thread isn't?) and you have a player who is trying to decide what to play, you could probably take this leader/striker knowledge to help steer them in a direction they might enjoy more.
Also, I'd like to submit that controllers are for people who enjoy playing tactical strategy games.

I play a wizard, I love tactical games, and I'm having a blast.