Well, that's what we get for trying to be helpful...
You were helpful. Really. I didn't know if there was some underlying balance I wasn't seeing (I've just started really looking at the game) or if the mechanical penalties were actually supposed to be balanced by the thanks of the other players. Now I know. I disagree with the design decision, and it limits the classes I'll play in the game, but at least I know.
As for what I expected - I had thought the classes would be well balanced with respect to sacrafice (since they are apparently well balanced in other respects). So if the Warlord Presence ability uses up a class feature slot and does them no good, then the other classes should have something similar. The fighter's mark is a good example - it encourages the bad guys to attack the fighter. That's a fair trade for the benefits a Fighter may get from a Warlord. A Paladin's Lay on Hands fits into that mold too - helps others, not self. If every class had (exactly) one equivalent ability that only helped the group, then that would work out well and be balanced. The way it looks to me though is that the Warlord is a sucker class.
Yes, your friends will encourage you to play it, thank you profusely, and tell you what a great guy you are. Is that an equal trade for the loss of a major class feature? I don't think the two should even be in the same equation. As (I think it was) Monte once said about the 3rd Ed Paladin "Balancing mechanical benefits with role-playing restrictions (ie. the Code of Conduct) is poor game design".
I feel that balancing mechanical penalties (a class feature that does you no good) with real-life emotional benefits (the warm glow of helping others) is likewise poor, or just lazy, game design.
It needs to be balanced mechanically - either by adding an offsetting benefit, or adding a similar penalty to everyone else. My preference would be to add a Warlord option that was not self-sacraficing, and ALSO make sure every other class had a self-sacraficing feature they could take if desired. That makes mechanical balance possible, while still letting the players decide if they want that particualr brand of balance or not.
That's what I was expecting after 35 years of rules revisions to this game.