[Way OT & possibly NC-17 rated] Can men and women "just be friends"?

[RigaMortus]

So, can men and women "just be friends"? I mean, truly friends and that's it? Friends like two guys being friends or two girls being friends. And I am talking a straight man and a straight woman here. Can you be friends with a person of the opposite sex w/o flirting or thinking about "shagging" them?

I say no.

There will always be flirting for one. I don't think friends flirt. I sure as hell don't flirt with my male friends, but I certainly flirt with my female friends. That would put us IMO a category above friends. I'd call it, "more than friends" but not quite intimate or boyfriend/girlfriend.

Here is a test to see if you can truly "just be friends" with someone of the opposite sex. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, you do with your friend of the opposite sex, do it with your friend of the same sex.

Guys, give your female friend a massage, do the same for your male friend. With the same hand movements and tensity.

Do all the other little flirty things with your female friends, then see if you can do them with your male friends and see if it isn't weird.

If it is, then I think you have a different relationship other than "friend" with your girl "friends" there.

Now ladies, here is a test for you. Go up to any one of your guy friends and tell them (make it sincere) that you want them. Basically come on to them, and see if they go for it. If they do, then they are certainly more than "friends".

If they succeed these tests it means one of two things. Either they are married (and very committed), or gay.

 

[Teflon Billy]

heh, this thread is so getting the boot from Piratecat (who is historically "quick on the thread-closing draw" concerning anything that can be construed as using gender as a point of reference).

That said, I agree with you. I have a bunch of female friends. It's very different from my friendships with men.

 

[BOZ]

ooh ooh, can i be the last post on this thread!

BTW, have you ever seen "when harry met sally"?

 

[Tom Cashel]

This is territory well-covered in the film When harry Met Sally. Billy Crystal's character would fully agree with you, RigaMortus.

The trick is to put sex out of your mind. If both of you can do that, then it's possible.

I recently had a female friend, with whom I'd go out to drink and play pool sometimes, and she was a good friend. Turned out she couldn't get past the fact that I had a girlfriend I was going to marry. In the end, she put me in an awkward situation that I didn't appreciate, and I had to kick her to the curb.

See...she couldn't put sex out of her mind and just be friends. Now, I'd like to think that's because of my supremely attractive qualities...but most likely it's because Riga and Teflon and the Billy Crystal movie are all correct.

 

[Dark Eternal]

Ok - I'm not married and I'm certainly not gay. But I DO have female friends who are *just* friends - in the same fashion and to the same degree as my male friends.

For me, this doesn't seem unusual or surprising; however, I suspect it would be more so for others.

Of course, I'm probably an odd case......

 

[EricNoah]

*stares in fascinated horror*

"shagging"???

*pauses*

Eh, at least it's not about Iraq...

Uhm, hmm.... I guess we'll see how this goes.

My not closing the thread, btw, doesn't mean another mod won't at any given point. We'll tolerate a *lot less* foolishness on something off-topic like this.

 

[Drkfathr1]

In my experience its not possible.

And I'll leave it at that.

 

[Harold Mayo]

It IS possible, but ONLY if neither has any attraction to the other at all (for whatever reason(s)). I used to have female friends and am married, now, but there is still sexual tension with attractive females.

It's just natural for men and women to NOT be "just friends".

I feel that it IS possible, but one or both parties normally will normally have feelings that could turn into NOT being "just friends" if the mood was right.

Hmm...hard topic to get a handle on...for me, at least...

 

[alsih2o]

i have plenty of female friends who are just friends.

i do not find it odd or unusual either. it seems that if one says that man and women cannot be friends because of the sex thing than by the same argument a gay man couldn't have another man as a friend..yada yada.

i see it as perfectly normal if a person manages to see the opposite gender as soemthing complete outside their sexuality.

for those who do not- can you be just friends with an extremely unaatractive woman? a very old one? if you can do these you can do the rest

 

[EricNoah]

I think the "When Harry Met Sally" argument had something to do with the ability (or lack thereof) of men to be friends with a woman *they are attracted to.* Big difference between that and "can men and women be friends at all" in my opinion.

Also, I think there's a big difference between being able to imagine being intimate with a particular person, and actually wanting to do so. Finding someone attractive doesn't necessarily equate to wanting to "know them in a biblical sense", so to speak...