[Way OT & possibly NC-17 rated] Can men and women "just be friends"?

[KDLadage]

Yes I do. They may not admit it, even to themselves, and may never act on it, but it is there. One person ALWAYS has a degree of attraction above and beyond the other in any relationship.

Let me see if I read you correctly:

On the surface what you state is that it is impossible for two people to have the EXACT same degree of friendship/attraction to one another. This I would agree with. I agree because we are talking about a non-measurable quantity and thus asking for exact equality in a non-measurable is impossble. Thus, the fact that they cannot be equal is obvious.

The sub-text of what you are saying is that in any given relationship (assuming between sexually compatable people, ie: hetero man + hetero woman, homo man + homo man, homo woman + homo woman) it is impossible for said relationship to exist without at least one side having some sort of sexual desire/attraction/impulses. If they say they do not, then they are lying (possibly even to themselves).

To this, I would say you are wrong; you are flattly, out-and-out, completely and possibly even delusionaly wrong. Such a statement simply fails to meet any form of reality testing outside of Hollywood and bad Dannielle Steele novels.

I do not mean this in an offensive way... I just mean to say that, if in fact you do believe this, then you and I have some radically different world-views.

 

[Leopold]

No. One or the other always wants something.

 

[Tsyr]

No. One or the other always wants something.

How about just "wanting" friendship? Humans are (basicly, despite some peoples suggestion to the contrary) social animals... There is a tendancy to want companionship in some form or another.

I mean, honestly... I don't "want" anything from my female friends any more than from my male friends... To say that I "want" something sounds like you are basicly saying that if sex wasn't a possibility, I wouldn't be friends with them. To that I say, no. I don't have that little faith in the human race.

 

[EricNoah]

It would be interesting to do a poll that matched up gender, orientation, age, previous romantic experience, current relationship situation, and of course Sense Motive score (kidding!) with the opinions either way. Background, gener roles, etc. would play an awefully big part in shaping these views.

 

[Vaxalon]

I think any man who sexualizes every relationship he has with women has some kind of psychological problem. I don't know the name for it, but it has to have one because it's all over the place.

 

[Rel]

I don't have much else to add to this thread, but I'd like to echo the sentiments of the couple of people who have mentioned how impressed they were with the level of discourse here. I think everybody who has participated in this discussion should give themselves a pat on the back for the class with which it has been conducted.

Once in a while, something like this pops up that really drives home to me what a fantastic bunch of folks have come to rest at these messageboards.

Kudos.

 

[Tom Cashel]

I think the "When Harry Met Sally" argument had something to do with the ability (or lack thereof) of men to be friends with a woman *they are attracted to.* Big difference between that and "can men and women be friends at all" in my opinion.

Actually...

From When Harry Met Sally, by Nora Ephron

Harry: You realize of course that we can never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or
form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets
in the way.

Sally: That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there's is no sex
involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he
always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds
unattractive.

Harry: Nah, you pretty much wanna nail them too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the
friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You are the only person I knew in New York.

And on massages...

From Pulp Fiction

VINCENT
Have you ever given a foot massage?

JULES
Don't be tellin' me about foot
massages -- I'm the [*] foot
master.

VINCENT
Given a lot of 'em?

JULES
[*] yeah. I got my technique down
man, I don't tickle or nothin'.

VINCENT
Have you ever given a guy a foot
massage?

Just so we've all got our references sussed out.

--Archivist Tom

 

[Vaxalon]

Whatever the disorder is, Harry's got it.

 

[EricNoah]

Whatever the disorder is, Harry's got it.

But then he changes/learns/grows/matures or something, right? I don't remember how it ends...

 

[Rel]

I don't remember how it ends...

The credits roll.


When I saw WHMS with my wife (then girlfriend), my main comment about the movie was, "I don't care if you fake it, so long as you fake it JUST LIKE THAT."