[Way OT & possibly NC-17 rated] Can men and women "just be friends"?

[Nail]

.......I disagree. I think you can resist them, but not control them. To go back into a fantasy analogy, Frodo couldn't control The One Ring, but he sure could resist it.


Can men and women be friends? It's a simple question with a not-so simple answer.

As usual for this type of discussion, it all depends on your definitions. It seems like "friends" is the problem word here. You've got a different definition of "friends" when it's applied to people you are attracted to.

What many of us are pointing out, is that "friends" is not the same as "physically attracted to". Those are distinct concepts, and ones which we are (almost) all capable of making decisions about, homones or no.

You seem to be asking: "Can I be friends with someone I'm physically attracted to?" Right?

Answer: It depends on what your expectations are of the friendship. It seems like your expectations are that you don't want to have to deal with urges to "shag" your friend. Or perhaps you'd rather find out that they want to "shag" you too, because men and women can't be friends. Right?

(Chuckles at use of the term: shag.)

(Shrugs) Guess what: some people find this easier to do than others. And the good news is that as you get older, this gets easier to put in perspective. Other than that, there's really no universal truth to be found here. You've got your way, I've got mine. That female friend of yours, has got her way. For some, the answer to your question is yes, for others it will be no.

 

[Rel]

Another difference between us. You sense motive; I'd level up.

Daniel

Touche.

With the extra skill points in Sense Motive from leveling up, you'd have a better chance of making the check.

The real question is: Is Sense Motive a class skill for the average gamer? Or any male for that matter?

 

[EricNoah]

The thing that tickles me most about this thread is the cliche of the "gaming nerd" who can't get a girlfriend to save his life. I think we blew that one out of the water. (Or did we -- maybe we're just the blind leading the blind...)

 

[Merlion]

~runs away in fear~

 

[Nail]

I know what I gleaned from this thread...

It's almost lunchtime.

I'm hungry.

For some reason, I have this hankering for a hamburger....

--The Sigil

I must of jumped the gun: I already had a hamburger for lunch.

Then again, I am in a commited relationship.

 

[MerakSpielman]

The thing that tickles me most about this thread is the cliche of the "gaming nerd" who can't get a girlfriend to save his life. I think we blew that one out of the water. (Or did we -- maybe we're just the blind leading the blind...)

Actually, we're all acne-scarred, overweight social outcasts, peering at our computers in an otherwise dark room through over-thick glasses and wishing we had ever spoken to a person we're attracted to, let alone "shagged" them.

None of us have any idea what we're talking about.

 

[Merlion]

LOL theres so many things I could say about that as far as refudation thereof but they'd get me banned....I'll be good ::

 

[Pielorinho]

With the extra skill points in Sense Motive from leveling up, you'd have a better chance of making the check.

Who cares about sensing motive, if she's asked you to take things to the next level?

Daniel

 

[RigaMortus]

Boom. This statement is ignorant at best and bigoted at worst. "Being a MAN, [you have] fantasized about [any girl you find attractive.]?" Holy heck. This offends me greatly - it implies (a) homosexuals are not men, (b) those men who are governed by their MINDS instead of their HORMONES are not real men, and (c) men spend most of their time objectifying attractive women as sex objects.

You are reading far too much into this than should be. I am speaking from a straight man's perspective. Since I am not gay, I do not feel qualified to say what goes on in a gay mans mind. So as a straight man, we'll assume that you've had straight man fantasies about straight women. Is this any clearer?

I don't undestand how you got to that conclusion with letter (b) so I can't really defend what you pulled out of thin air.

As far as (c), I don't remember where I explicitly stated or even hinted at ALL MEN spending most of their time objectifying women as sex objects. I do remember saying that ALL (straight) men fantasize about women, whether they are single, engaged, married or what have you. The significance of a (straight) man fantasizing about women was part of a larger statement which I will not restate here because we are past that discussion. But it sure would help if you quote the entire section and left it unedited in the future, thanks.

Please, mods, tell me this statement alone is enough to slam the lock on this thread.

Do you have some sort of fetish with getting threads closed or something? You are trying awefully hard to discredit this thread. If it is getting you this upset, then please don't read it anymore. Even Eric is taking part in this PHILOSOPHICAL debate. You're the one trying to make this discussion look bad, please don't. Of course, to give you the benefit of the doubt, you might be just misunderstanding me and taking it the wrong way or to the extreme. I don't know...

Infidelity suggests married people are in fact tempted. Jerry Springer suggests family members are in fact tempted. What you seem to fail to realize is that there are a vast number of people who are capable of RESISTING temptation.

Yes, but these are the extremes. I didn't want to include them because I didn't have the strength or time to debate them. I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt that these people (married, gay, siblings, unattrative) could indeed be friends with females, but that is because they had no reason to NOT be "just friends" with them.

Again, humans are different from animals.

Animal -> Stimulus-response, stimulus-response

Human -> Stimulus-thought-choice-response

Gads.

True, but I fail to see what this proves as far as friendship goes. This is really a philosophical debate, not a scientific (or religious) one.

So you can't truly be friends with an attractive girl unless you go further with her? Wrong again. What the heck does having sex have anything to do with friendship.

I know that is wrong, I agree with you. As a matter of fact, I never said that or hinted at it. What I did say was, you can pretend to be "friends" all you want, but you will always have those urges, fantasies, whatever you want to call them. And those urges imply you want to go further. Whether you do or not is beyond the point. You are simply strong willed in not giving in, it doesn't mean you don't want to or don't have the feelings/fantasies/urges.

And before you forget everything I said before this paragraph, let me reiterate:
Yes, if you are gay you won't have these urges with a female friend.
Yes, if you are married you won't (or at least shouldn't) have these urges with a female friend.
Yes, if you are the brother of the chick you won't have these urges with her.
Yes, if she is ugly you won't have these urges with her.

Unfortunately, it was.

I think it will be clear to the mods that this thread is over. It's not really exploring anything but bigotry and/or ignorance.

--The Sigil

*sigh*

To quote Dr. Phil, "Ya just don't get it, do you?"

 

[KDLadage]

To: The Sigil
From: KDLadage
Subj: Thread Future

Personally, I feel that there are several interesting and civil discussions taking place within this thread. No need to close the thread just yet.

Thanks.