[Way OT & possibly NC-17 rated] Can men and women "just be friends"?

[Dragongirl]

Who cares about sensing motive, if she's asked you to take things to the next level?

Daniel

Aye

generalization Men don't need sense motive, it is us girls that need it!!!! /generalization

 

[Numion]

From personal experience I know it's possible. Having sex doesn't necessarily even destroy the friendship. It all depends on the feelings, instead of physical activities.

I've had to ask myself if a couple of nights are worth the friendship . . and sadly they can be. Looking back now I might've / should've done otherwise, because the friendship ain't what it used to be. In another case it however worked fine. So I don't know . . I guess the principle is that don't refuse easy se..

 

[EricNoah]

What I did say was, you can pretend to be "friends" all you want, but you will always have those urges, fantasies, whatever you want to call them. And those urges imply you want to go further. Whether you do or not is beyond the point. You are simply strong willed in not giving in, it doesn't mean you don't want to or don't have the feelings/fantasies/urges.

If I like a girl, and I'm also attracted to her, that doesn't mean I'm "pretending" to be her friend. I think you can *actually* be friends even in that situation. I hope you don't take offense, but the thought of a guy "pretending" to be friends with a girl in order to make a move on her is kinda ... creepy. I guess it happens, though. Maybe that's not what you meant...

 

[Dragongirl]

If I like a girl, and I'm also attracted to her, that doesn't mean I'm "pretending" to be her friend. I think you can *actually* be friends even in that situation. I hope you don't take offense, but the thought of a guy "pretending" to be friends with a girl in order to make a move on her is kinda ... creepy. I guess it happens, though. Maybe that's not what you meant...

Like I said.

Men don't need sense motive, it is us girls that need it!!!!

 

[EricNoah]

You know what occurs to me ... if you get into a physical relationship with someone, there's only two ways it can go. Either you break up at some point (and thus very likely you also end the friendship if it was indeed there to begin with) ... or you don't break up (and you get married, or stay together as a couple). Either way, it doesn't lead to a "friendship" in the way that you might think of platonic friendship.

 

[Enforcer]

The thing that tickles me most about this thread is the cliche of the "gaming nerd" who can't get a girlfriend to save his life. I think we blew that one out of the water. (Or did we -- maybe we're just the blind leading the blind...)

I think that stereotype only persists because we're the ones who bring it up in conversation. I've been dating my girlfriend for over six years (since sophomore year of high school), so it at least doesn't apply to me. And since several people in this thread have mentioned their boyfriends/girlfriends, it doesn't apply to them either.

The main reason we like the "gamers can't get a date" stereotype is that it's pretty funny. Who hasn't gotten a chuckle over the image of a fat dork with glasses and a Xena t-shirt being ignored by everyone with XX chromosomes?

 

[EricNoah]

Like I said.

LOL

 

[Blood Jester]

Here's my take on the original question.

Yes.

Base - I'm male, hetero, and very happily married.

1 - I hug male friends I haven't seen in a while, don't hug my female friends every single time I see them.
1a - Corollary: any friend in pain gets held, and no it does not make me uncomfortable.

2 - I give massages to male or female friends the same way (if you and I are not sleeping together, my hands shouldn't be going to the 'wrong' places, regardless of what equipment those places have) I apply pressure as appropriate to your physique (muscle tone) and tension level.
2a - Corollary: this depends on the other person's comfort level, men and women tend to be equal on whether they find such contact from a friend too intimate.

3 - I've had many, unattached female friends who were quite attractive. We stayed friends.

4 - I prefer(red) to only date people I was already friends with (nothing in common but sex is very short-lived fun).

My experiences on, and approach to the subject.

 

[EricNoah]

Who hasn't gotten a chuckle over the image of a fat dork with glasses and a Xena t-shirt being ignored by everyone with XX chromosomes?

*lip quivers*

*hand goes up*

Me??

*starts to weep*

*resists urge to say "worst episode ever"*

 

[barsoomcore]

You know what occurs to me ... if you get into a physical relationship with someone, there's only two ways it can go. Either you break up at some point (and thus very likely you also end the friendship if it was indeed there to begin with) ... or you don't break up (and you get married, or stay together as a couple). Either way, it doesn't lead to a "friendship" in the way that you might think of platonic friendship.

Not sure I agree with you here.

What exactly is a "physical relationship"? If two people sleep together are they then having a physical relationship? Because two friends can certainly sleep together, not "break up" and remain friends.

I don't see why sleeping together necessitates a "physical relationship" -- or, if we define the latter as the former, why some sort of either break up or commitment is subsequently required.

Why can't people just sleep together?

I mean, I'm not like some total slut, here. Honestly. But it still seems to me like people are making a big deal out of nothing.

We all have friends. Hurray for us. Maybe some of us want to sleep with some of our friends. That's cool. Maybe some of us in fact do sleep with some of our friends. That's cool, too. Maybe sometimes when we sleep with a friend we find out that the only reason we were hanging around together was to sleep together and you know what? It wasn't all that great or the magic is gone or whatever and we don't hang around anymore. Okay, cool. Maybe we never ever thought of each other that way and then one day BOOM! we're in a whole new world and the bells are ringing and the birds are singing and happily ever after.

Hey, cool.

This stuff happens. There's no big secret. There's no generalizations you can usefully draw from it. Except to say that sex is a big deal to many people. And many people are honest with neither themselves nor others about what they really want, which can make it dicey trying to navigate their emotional shoals (to say nothing of our own). People get hurt, misunderstood, angry, it happens. The best way, the simplest way, the most compassionate way to play things is to try and be honest and to trust people. If we don't trust each other and we aren't trustworthy happiness is tough to come by.

"Can men and women be friends?" Feh. The question is, can you be friends with this person, or that person? Be specific. It's the only way to get useful answers.