[Way OT] Scientists Find World's Funniest Joke

[Knight Otu]

Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer?
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

It's ... a series of random words that make absolutely no sense.

Sorry for not dropping dead upon reading it.

 

[Grim]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Why the long face?

HEHEHE, that actually reminds me of the best teacher I ever had. He was a Psysics teacher who was compleatly nuts. Like, he would recite a deep thought at the begining of each class, and most of his examples involved clubbing baby seals, with thier eye still closed, or hunting koalas, or shooting his students with lasers, etc. But whenever someone exclaimed "Your joking" when he anounced the homework, or a quiz, or whatever, he would say, "No, if I was joking i would say 'Celene Dion walks into a bar and the bartender says: Hey, why the long face.' " And he'd do that every time.

He was the greatest man I ever knew.

But that isnt my favorite joke. The two things that got me laughing the most were the title of the Smackdown Turning Cleric, entitled "Liches are my *****es, (it rhymes), or the suggested charicter name for a greek campain, Testicles. (thats Testicl-eez to you, bub!)

Those still make me laugh. The hunting thing, not so much.

 

[Snoweel]

Play on words?

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed an explorer in the road?

Reminds me of:

What do you do if you come across a tribe of cannibals in the jungle?

-Apologise and wipe it off.

 

[Xarlen]

As to those who aren't sure about why Americans consider themselves 'part this or part that', well, I for one don't know my family lineage as to where they're from, so it's sort've frustrating. I want to know what country my ancestors origionated from, because I think Europe is rather neat. Being American is all grand and such, but for one thing, we get a bit of critisim, so it's good to have connections elsewhere.

I have a few jokes:
Q: What's that black stuff between an elephant's toes?
A: Slow natives.

Heaven is getting full. So God decrees that they need to be a little more selective with letting folks into Heaven. St. Peter decides to allow those in who died the most amusing ways.

The first day this new thing goes into effect, he's standing idly by the Pearly Gates, waiting. The first guy walks up. "Hi." "Hey, how'd you die?"

"Well, you see, I had this hunch my wife was cheating on me, right? So I drove to our apartment, went up on the 5th floor, and the door was locked. I opened it, I searched all through the house, and she was there naked in bed, but I couldn't find him. So I look out the balcany and I see him! Well, I run out onto the balcany, stomp on his fingers, and he falls. Right into the bushes. He's safe. I run into the kitchen, since it's next to the bedroom, I grab the fridge, push it out onto the balcany, and shove it off. *Splat* he's a gonner."

St. Peter's hiding a grin, despite his interest. "So how'd you die?"

"Well, y'see, the cord wrapped around my ankle..."

"Go on in."

So, the next person comes up. "How'd you die?" St. Peter asks.

"Okay, I'm doing aerobics on my balcany, right? Here I am, doing my thing, and I slip. I fall off my balcany on the 6th floor! I'm dead for sure! But I catch the edge of the balcany under me, right? Well, then this ***hole comes out, starts stomping my fingers," At this point St. Peter is biting his lip to stop from chuckling, "And I fall. I land in the bushes. I'm saved!" St. Peter can barely hear him for the laughing. "And he drops a FRIDGE on me."

"Okay, okay," He says snickering, "Go on in."

So, the third guy walks up, and casually comments to St. Peter, "Y'know, you're not going to believe how I got here. So, I go to see my lady friend, but her husband gets home, so I hide in the fridge..."

 

[Eternalknight]

Traitor! Why, I'll bet you're secretly barracking for the Warriors, aren't you. Never trust a Mexican.

Woo-hoo! Go Roosters!!!

 

[hong]

[...]

"Panda, n. Black and white bear-like mammal. Native to Tibet and China. Eats shoots and leaves."

The Austrian version of this joke compares wombats and Austrian males, is not suitable for telling in the presence of Eric's grandmother, and has the punchline "eats roots and leaves".

 

[hong]

Woo-hoo! Go Roosters!!!

I will have to post another instalment of Roy and H.G. in the dungeon one of these days.

 

[Fevil]

LOL.

Im so proud to be Scottish

 

[Heretic Apostate]

Newfie joke. (A Newfie is someone from Newfoundland, in Canada.)

A Newfie walks into a bar. Two Canadians, feeling superior, start cracking Newfie jokes. The Newfie amicably takes all the ribbing, not getting angry.

Finally, the Newfie walks over, and says, "How do you get a Newfie girl pregnant?"

The two Canadians look at each other, talk a bit, and finally realize this is one they hadn't heard.

"We don't know," the Canadians say.

"And you call Newfies stupid!" came the reply.

 

[s/LaSH]

Here's one for you s/LaSH:

[color=sky blue]GODS GIFT

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days.
Eventually Michael the Arch-Angel found him on the seventh day resting.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, North
America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot
spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent
of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God
continued, pointing to dif ferent countries. "This one will be extremely
hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land
mass and said "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth.
There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from
New Zealand are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're
going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,
hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the
world as diplomats and carriers of peace. "
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to
them. I call them Australians!!!" [/color]

Bwahaha! Good on ya, mate!

I don't know any good New Zealander jokes beyond saying 'fush und chups' though. Sorry.

Lesson to all outsiders: Never try to get between an Aussie and a Kiwi. If the rugby's on, they'll go through you to get to the other guy and kill him too. If the rugby's not on, they'll go through you to get to their mate. It's crazy. And I don't watch rugby.