We're All Gamers Together: Why Harassment Has To Stop

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Another piece talking about the harassment of women in tabletop gaming has surfaced on the internet. At least one of the incidents related in that piece has been substantiated as being true, so I am willing to accept that there is more truth in that article. Whether gamers, or geeks in general, want to admit it or not, there are serious issues within our communities with how people act towards women, people of color, and the LGBTQI. We need to knock that off right now. Obviously, this is an opinion piece.
Just as a warning, for those who might be bothered by certain sorts of content, some of the incidents that were relayed to me, the stories that were told, have jarring, uncomfortable occurrences in them. If mentions of rape and unsolicitated physical contact will bother you, you might want to skip the rest of this article. I know reading the emails and PMs from these women bothered me as they came in.

As much as what these women related bothered me, and obviously bothered them as the targets of the harassment, I felt that the fact that it was so uncomfortable was exactly the reason why this current piece needed to be written. We, as a group, need to start looking the people doing this harassment in the eye and telling them that we don’t think it is okay. We need to stop pushing these accounts into the shadows, under the rugs, and pretending that they do not exist. We need to make our communities into better places for everyone, and not just a bunch of men.

I put out a call over my various social media feeds (which was shared a lot), asking for women to share their experiences of harassment in tabletop gaming with me. Anonymity was offered to those who wanted it, and not surprisingly most respondents asked that their names be kept confidential. The reasons for them wanting to be kept anonymous were one of two. First, they were afraid of further harassment within their communities for calling out the bad behavior. They seen how women who tell men to stop get treated in small, closed communities and, for better or worse, they want to continue with their hobbies without additional harassment. The second reason was a bit scarier. Some of these women are professionals, working in tabletop gaming in a number of different capacities, who fear that publicly coming forward would negatively impact their careers within gaming.

I’ll just say that last one again, with emphasis: they were afraid that coming forward about their harassment, or the harassment that they had witnessed, would negatively impact their careers in tabletop gaming.

Because of these reasons, I will be keeping the identities of everyone who asked anonymous. Everyone who spoke with me identified themselves, I am just not identifying them.

One of the common threads through the experiences shared was rape. Most of these women had had characters raped during convention play, online games, or at events at stores. Sometimes the rapes were matter-of-factly introduced into play, others there was a titillating level of graphic detail to the assaults. One women talked about how a regular attendee at a local convention bragged of having a “rape kit” in his car for the women at the convention, and at one point he yelled at her to “find him women to sleep with.” She also talked about the organizers of the convention having a “men only camping retreat” and when she was on the board of the con the only way that she could attend was “nude and wearing a dog collar.” Another woman talked about the GM of her online game suddenly having her character knocked unconscious, taken away on a ship, and then graphically narrated raping her character. All of this occurred on voice chat while using a popular virtual tabletop site.

Another woman told me that her attempts at organizing a couple of women only games for a VTT online convention was met with such vehemence from male gamers that the games were pulled from the schedule of the convention.

People wonder why more and more people think that anti-harassment policies are needed at conventions. After all, even Gen Con has one:
Gen Con: The Best Four Days in Gaming! is dedicated to providing a harassment-free Event experience for everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, disability, physical appearance, body size, race, religion, or affiliation. We do not tolerate harassment of convention participants in any form. Convention participants violating these rules may be sanctioned or expelled without refund at the discretion of show management.

And an Ethics policy:

All of the following constitute grounds for expulsion from the convention without refund:
  • Violating any federal, state, or local laws, facility rules or convention policies
  • Failure to comply with the instructions of Gen Con Event Staff or security personnel
  • Using anything in a threatening or destructive manner against person or property
  • Endangering the safety of oneself or others
  • Threatening, stealing, cheating or harassing others
  • Failure to conduct oneself in a mature manner

The creators of the 13th Age RPG have anti-harassment policies for their organized play because “Nobody shows up for a game with the goal of feeling uncomfortable or unsafe, and sorry that they came. But organized play brings together many different types of people with different expectations and approaches to play. An anti-harassment policy sets ground rules that everyone can recognize and follow, resulting in better games and more fun.” In the policy they outline harassment as “Everyone has the right to a space that is safe from any type of harassment: physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual.”

Honestly, considering the experiences that have been related to me, these sorts of policies should be commonplace for conventions and organized play. I have heard that Paizo is currently drafting an anti-harassment policy for their organized play, and Ad Astra Games has one in place already.

These are some of the more overt things that women have to deal with in their tabletop gaming experiences, and doesn’t go into the more “casual” or systemic harassment and sexism that women deal with at conventions, in online play and at game stores. One of the women talked about women being a subclass in society, and it being more so in gaming communities. “It sucks for a female gamer, going into a store and having that reaction.”

Men are openly commenting on women’s body parts in a sexual manner. Sexual content is added to games because “that’s the kind of stuff that women like.” Crude sexual references and jokes are made.

I’m not saying that there is no place for sexual, or adult themes, in gaming. Just the opposite, in fact. In my personal groups I game with grownups, and we play games that can have adult material in them. We have, however, agreed that content like that is okay in advance, and most of the time we agree that players’ agency over their characters should not be railroaded by the story of the game, or the actions of the GM. There is a huge difference between making awkward sexual comments out of the blue, because you are hoping it will interest a woman gamer, and making awkward sexual comments that people expect in their game. This goes doubly so for games in public spaces, like conventions or stores.

And just because it is okay with your wife, girlfriend or the woman in your gaming group at home, that doesn’t mean that it is okay with all women. If it makes someone at the table uncomfortable, or makes them feel like they are being harassed, just don’t do it, or apologize for having done it.

And, of course, none of them are safe from accusations of being a “fake geek girl,” or being in the store to get something for their husband or boyfriend. Apparently the idea that a woman would want to buy her own dice or miniatures or rule books is alien to some gamers.

As Jon Peterson, author of Playing at the World, points out in an online essay, there have always been gender problems in tabletop gaming. But he also points out that women have been interested in tabletop gaming for a long time. But, just because something has “always been that way,” it does not mean that it has to stay that way. Even in the 1970s TSR Games employees were taken to task by fandom, and female designers, to be more respectful of women gamers and to stop using phrases like “ladygamers.” Sadly, these attitudes that were considered to be outdated back then are still being perpetuated now…in some cases by some of the same people.

My first AD&D group, back in 1979, had a woman for the GM, and about half of the group were women. Most of my groups since then have had women involved in them. We need to be better, as a community, about these things. We need to speak out when we see women being harassed, online or in person, and we need to tell the people who think that doing this is okay that it isn’t. We need to be active in making the change that creates better communities where we don’t have to worry about our friends being harassed because of their gender, or their sexual preferences, or their ethnicity. We have to convince conventions and organized play societies that having anti-harassment policies is a good thing, and enforcing them so that everyone feels welcomed and accepted is a better thing.

Guys, we have to remember that this isn’t about us. This isn’t about our perceptions of what is happening at conventions, during organized play events and in online games. We sit back, listen and ask what we need to do, rather than try to make the discussion about how it “isn’t all men.” We already know that. We need to not take the focus away from what needs to be done.

There are never going to be completely safe spaces, in gaming or outside of it. However, we can make better places where no one has to worry about their body parts being part of the table talk, or their characters being sexually violated. It is the 21st century, and we should be better about this than we are. We need to stop being quiet, stop facilitating harassment, and we need to start making better spaces for ourselves and our fellow gamers. A group, like nerds, that talk so much about being harassed in their youth for being different should really be more sensitive about harassing others. We can, as a group, be better about this, and we need to do it.
 

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If it doesn't apply to you, why do you care so much? What effect does it have upon you at all?

If I'm wrongly accused of harassment its going to matter to me. People are pushing for anti harassment policies, policies that affect everyone. I'm concerned with what is defined as harassment, and how much evidence is needed for action to be taken.

I'd usually just trust common sense but many universities across America are including petty comments as "harassment". For instance, if I call something crazy, like "wow, that monster fight was insane/crazy/nuts" I'm guilty of a "micro-aggression" and could be punished in some fashion. Maybe I make a "kitchen joke" to my wife and someone over hears it. That's my concern.

These extreme guidelines and policies often come from people who push for trigger warnings and safe spaces, and often demonize specific genders and races. That's what got me to respond in the first place. Maybe Christopher Helton didn't mean it that way, but it just looked like so much material I've already seen before.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-selection_bias

The survey wasn't blind, it was the results of the people who chose to respond to it. In other words, they selected themselves to be part of the statistical group.

Yes, as far as I'm aware that's the only way you can do a survey. Are there any surveys that don't allow someone the option to participate?

It's only "selective" if you purposefully try and make it nonrandom. The author of the survey encouraged *EVERYONE* to participate. Had they done their best to leave out responses from a certain gender, race, etc then it'd be self selective. Had they done their best to minimize the inclusion of specific answers, then it'd be self selecting.

But just including people who wanted to participate isn't self selecting. I'd hate to see a surveyer break into my house and force me to take a survey just so that they could avoid the accusation of "self selecting".
 

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I have to say, I'm incredibly encouraged by the enthusiasm with which this issue is being tackled, here. The most active in our community seem to also be the most supportive of improving gaming culture, and that means progress will be made. There is a handful of people here making a very concerted effort to maintain the status quo, but I'm not convinced they have any real power to shape the community as a whole. The more they talk, the more it becomes apparent that this is a personal anti-crusade for them that they take great pains to wage at every opportunity (see: abandoning game systems for fear of tacitly embracing "political correctness").
 

These extreme guidelines and policies often come from people who push for trigger warnings and safe spaces, and often demonize specific genders and races. That's what got me to respond in the first place. Maybe Christopher Helton didn't mean it that way, but it just looked like so much material I've already seen before.

The only thing being demonized is people being harassed.
 

Yes, as far as I'm aware that's the only way you can do a survey. Are there any surveys that don't allow someone the option to participate?

Strong surveys operate on random sampling. Random sampling surveys are much more resistant to self-selection bias than polls that are simply made available to the entire population in question.
 

Yes, as far as I'm aware that's the only way you can do a survey. Are there any surveys that don't allow someone the option to participate?

It's only "selective" if you purposefully try and make it nonrandom. The author of the survey encouraged *EVERYONE* to participate. Had they done their best to leave out responses from a certain gender, race, etc then it'd be self selective. Had they done their best to minimize the inclusion of specific answers, then it'd be self selecting.

But just including people who wanted to participate isn't self selecting. I'd hate to see a surveyer break into my house and force me to take a survey just so that they could avoid the accusation of "self selecting".

I provided you with the definition. Survey statistics is a field, with specific definitions. Your understanding of the topic is incorrect.

But we're drifting way off the point here, so I'll drop it.
 

Here's what I wonder: Why such vehemence about the "injustice" of such policies?

If you're not harassing people, it doesn't apply to you.

If you're not assaulting people, it doesn't apply to you.

If it doesn't apply to you, why do you care so much? What effect does it have upon you at all?


If you say "but I could be falsely accused" --- perhaps you should ask yourself why that might be. And then maybe avoid any circumstance where that might be a possibility. It's not difficult.

Literally the only thing you need to do to people accuse you of harassment is to disagree with a person who happens to be member of a minority group. And people will always assume quilt on the accused, because they are the privileged one with power over the other person. Except they are not, the accuser has all the power, the power to get you punished for something you didn't do.
 

Literally the only thing you need to do to people accuse you of harassment is to disagree with a person who happens to be member of a minority group. And people will always assume quilt on the accused, because they are the privileged one with power over the other person. Except they are not, the accuser has all the power, the power to get you punished for something you didn't do.

Wow.



I was going to respond to this, but I think I'll just leave it unremarked. It stands clearly on its own, and says far more than any comment I might make regarding it. Take a good look.
 

Literally the only thing you need to do to people accuse you of harassment is to disagree with a person who happens to be member of a minority group. And people will always assume quilt on the accused, because they are the privileged one with power over the other person. Except they are not, the accuser has all the power, the power to get you punished for something you didn't do.

In this case, the "punishment" is having to go home. How horrid. So, yes. On very rare occasion someone might have to leave an event before they were planning on leaving because of an unjust accusation. Life goes on. As a white male who attends the occasional convention, that's an incredibly small price to pay for the chance at improving the overall level of civility.
 

The only thing being demonized is people being harassed.

You just insinuated a few posts ago that just because someone shared the same genitals (being male) or skin pigmentation (white) as some of the people involved in this harassment that they should be less concerned with being lumped in with a bad label and instead should be also trying to solve that problem.

Again I'll ask, if that was being said to a Muslim about Terrorism or a black person about inner city crime would that be an acceptable thing to say? Demonizing may have been too harsh, I admit. But pretending that guilt can be shared through racial or gendered lines certainly ins't a positive approach by any stretch of the imagination.
 

You just insinuated a few posts ago that just because someone shared the same genitals (being male) or skin pigmentation (white) as some of the people involved in this harassment that they should be less concerned with being lumped in with a bad label and instead should be also trying to solve that problem.

Again I'll ask, if that was being said to a Muslim about Terrorism or a black person about inner city crime would that be an acceptable thing to say? Demonizing may have been too harsh, I admit. But pretending that guilt can be shared through racial or gendered lines certainly ins't a positive approach by any stretch of the imagination.

"When did you stop beating your wife?"
 

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