As mentioned I think I can see where the whole issue comes from. It's clear that you can only get a flanking bonus if you're flanking (it's a
flanking bonus after all), and that you get a flanking bonus if you're attacking with a melee weapon and have an ally on an opposite border or corner. However, it's not stated whether you can actually flank and not get the flanking bonus. Yes, I think I understand where the opposite view is coming from, although I don't think that was the intent. Then again, people keep arguing against intent again, but I was just trying to understand this, not argue it, so I'm content now!
I follow the barbarian argument in relation to the flanking one, although, again, I don't think that was the intent. It was certainly spelled out in 3e to work one way, and it's unlikely to radically change to 3.5e, so I'll stick with the intent for now.
Pinotage