What do you do when a Player dies?

[FitzTheRuke]

I really mean Player, not their character.

One of my Tuesday Night Group lost a quick, but valiant battle with aggressive stomach cancer. He was only 51, and he had three (thankfully grown) kids, and a wife, who'd been with him, I think, something like 30 years. We'd been gaming together since early 2008, so 17 years of weekly (on average) get-togethers.

I'm really going to miss him.

But I'm not here for sympathy, and in spite of the thread title, I'm not really looking for advice. I'm sure I'll muddle along.

No, instead, I'd like to hear YOUR stories, if you don't mind me dragging you through some potential pain, to find some joy.

My buddy James loved stories, and he didn't let his very bleak diagnosis get him down. I hope I'm half as brave when it's my time.

Anyone want to share? I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's lost a table-mate.

 

[aco175]

I had a friend brought into the group maybe 20 years ago now with another who played. They were fine people and became regulars. We played several years together and occasionally got together as a group out of D&D. We were friends.

He hung himself one day in the woods near his home. Seems like he has some online stuff with underage girls and the police may have been onto him. I guess he could not find a way out. Never really know people.

 

[FitzTheRuke]

I had a friend brought into the group maybe 20 years ago now with another who played. They were fine people and became regulars. We played several years together and occasionally got together as a group out of D&D. We were friends.

He hung himself one day in the woods near his home. Seems like he has some online stuff with underage girls and the police may have been onto him. I guess he could not find a way out. Never really know people.

Quite the story. I suppose that in some ways, it's exactly the kind of thing I was looking for, if maybe a bit shocking in the details.

 

[bedir than]

I really mean Player, not their character.

One of my Tuesday Night Group lost a quick, but valiant battle with aggressive stomach cancer. He was only 51, and he had two (thankfully grown) kids, and a wife, who'd been with him, I think, something like 30 years. We'd been gaming together since early 2008, so 17 years of weekly (on average) get-togethers.

I'm really going to miss him.

But I'm not here for sympathy, and in spite of the thread title, I'm not really looking for advice. I'm sure I'll muddle along.

No, instead, I'd like to hear YOUR stories, if you don't mind me dragging you through some potential pain, to find some joy.

My buddy James loved stories, and he didn't let his very bleak diagnosis get him down. I hope I'm half as brave when it's my time.

Anyone want to share? I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's lost a table-mate.

John recently passed. He was part of several of my post-pandemic restriction campaigns. When talking to his wife I found out that he didn't want a traditional funeral. He did ask if our group could spend a session talking about him.

We did that and his wife was with us for that.

But we also did something bigger, playing a 3-table exhibition of D&D with 19 total players and DMs, and over a dozen people intentionally watching. There were also passers by.

I cried a lot that day, mostly happy tears, because our D&D game was one of John's few thrills away from the computer. We were his local friends. And the people who played with us that day included people I'd known for 40 years that had never played and people from me pre-pandemic campaigns and more -- all to celebrate John's life and silly stories with dice.

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

I really mean Player, not their character.

One of my Tuesday Night Group lost a quick, but valiant battle with aggressive stomach cancer. He was only 51, and he had two (thankfully grown) kids, and a wife, who'd been with him, I think, something like 30 years. We'd been gaming together since early 2008, so 17 years of weekly (on average) get-togethers.

I'm really going to miss him.

But I'm not here for sympathy, and in spite of the thread title, I'm not really looking for advice. I'm sure I'll muddle along.

No, instead, I'd like to hear YOUR stories, if you don't mind me dragging you through some potential pain, to find some joy.

My buddy James loved stories, and he didn't let his very bleak diagnosis get him down. I hope I'm half as brave when it's my time.

Anyone want to share? I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's lost a table-mate.

My condolences.

I played in a game with a Father/Son duo. I played with them for about two years and the father died of lung cancer. It was really tough. We asked the son what they wanted to do and they didn't ask for much. The father's character rode off into the sunset to accomplish some fantastic goal and became a background character in the campaign. I didn't know the two of them very well but I wish I had done more for the son to support him because I know it must have been difficult.

 

[MGibster]

We had a player, I'll call him Bob, find out he had a brain tumor in the summer of 2024. After getting things more thoroughly looked at, he opted out of treatment and just accepted he was facing the end of his life. He ended up quitting his job and moving out of state to live out his final days. He visited with us once, but I was unable to attend as I had Covid and was concerned I'd get other people sick. After that he pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth and we didn't hear anything until his niece told us he passed away. He died the same day as our regular game, and we all found out at the same time when we received the same group text.

We were playing a mashup of Call of Cthulhu with East Texas University, and decided Bob's character got expelled for bad behavior. Just because you're a Whatley doesn't mean you can break the rules and get away with it.

 

[thullgrim]

I lost a player last year in October. Two year cancer battle. It just sucks. We immediately canned the campaign and took a coupe of weeks off. Savage Worlds was his favorite game and one of my favorite games to run. I hadn’t been able to touch in 8 months or so. Every time I thought playing SW it just didn’t feel right.

Over and above that I’d been playing games with him for 20 years. He wasn’t just a gaming friend either. There were, and probably still are some lingering effects both at the table and beyond it.

It’s amazing what losing a player like that can do for the table chemistry too. There are odd times when you expect his voice to jump in with a joke or reference it is doesn’t happen and we all miss a beat. It’s odd.

 

[payn]

A player I had is gone 2.5 years now. He had pancreatic cancer which is a real bad kind. He fought hard.

We met back in ‘09 in Pathfinder Society play locally in the twin cities. We ran quite a few APs over the next ten years up to Covid. He also had quite a fondness for DCC and would play test gen con tournaments for us each summer.

We have a fantasy football league he started still going. I nominate a Pittsburgh Steeler first round every year in his honor.

 

[Jd Smith1]

Mine isn't exactly a player. Twenty-plus years ago my group played after-hours in the FLGS, and so I was not in control of the space and who was allowed in. Anyway, I had a hard and fast rule that a prospective player had to sit in for one full session before it was decided to let him join; if an NPC was available, he could run that.

Anyway, we had a prospect sit in, a guy known to several of the players, and at the end of it I declined to let him join, for no specific reason than my gut feelings: he seemed weird in some manner I could not directly explain.

Back then I was the leader of our tactical team, and about a year+ later we get called out in the late evening for an armed subject who was barricaded in a house.

We arrived, starting briefing, we are racing the sunlight, and we ae told that the suspect has murdered his wife and has his infant son and mother-in-law hostage, no trained negotiator available, and the suspect won't talk. They pass around the guys sheet, and its this prospect.

While we were putting together a plan, the mother-in-law talked him into releasing her and the kid, and he ended himself as they went out, so it all blew over.

But I spent a lot of time thinking about him, mainly about what I had felt about him, and if it was real, or was just my tendency to dismiss people.

 

[RenleyRenfield]

We had a friend of many years pass. He ran Deadlands as his main game, so we run his adventure once a year and enjoy the memory of him. As you get older, like us, well... its not just one friend...