What It's Like For a Gamer Girl

[jgbrowning]

Your group has jerks in it.

The last time I was with a group like that was years ago. The guys not only treated women like that they treated other guys like that.

Agree 100%. I have a rough time keeping my group (when I can get them together) focused because they're all power-hungry, munchkinny, uber-competative, 19 year old guys. They're argumentative, believe they're always right, and often hurt each others feelings.

IE. they're jerks. but not really, IMHO, they're just young guys who say what they say because they don't really know what they think about things.

One of the worst things about being a guy is that there's a lot of pressure about "knowing." How much you know is a measure of your masculine worth, and just like any other animal competeing for a social pecking order, that gets thrown around a lot.

Alright enough of my psyco-babble. I'd reccomend getting a new group, getting a longer patience factor, or taking the longer route (which I'm doing with my group) of slowly introducing them to different ways of communicating. My guys may communicate with themselves similiarly to how they did when we started playing again, but they are much more aware of how what they're saying is going to be taken. Because I'm always there with a quick sarcastic quip, to put it into perspective, they're starting to realize that because they don't want to get made fun of they could perhaps not make fun of others.

joe b.

 

[Afrodyte]

TS> From what I gather, they tend to be 20 - 28 or so. I've gamed with older and younger people, but most of them tend to fall in this range. Strangely enough, younger guys aren't a problem and neither are older guys. It's my "peers" that tend to perplex and frustrate me more than any other group, but that's probably because I interact with them more often. I say peers loosely because age is not always indicative of how worldly and knowledgable they are. Let's just say that I'm frequently surprised at where I find the most ignorance.

 

[d20Dwarf]

Honestly, if it's just a man thing, or a gamer guy thing, I can handle it. It helps me not take things so personally.

But since it isn't, perhaps it would be appropriate to set your sights a little closer to home.

It's funny, and I'm not saying Afrodyte is doing this, there are people that complain about something happening *every* time they do something, and then they only ask "what's wrong with EVERYONE ELSE." A little self-examination, while potentially painful, can solve a lot of problems when interacting with people.

Afrodyte, Daniel pointed out one instance of what he politely called irony, but there are others in your messages. I won't point them out.

 

[Tabarnak Smokeblower]

If I may offer an opinion.

A lot of gamers are of the nerdy/geeky bunch (I totally admit that I am part of that bunch). I'd say, a lot of people in that bunch (especially younger, that's why my last post was regarding age) probably have some self-esteem issues. Hence, some people will grab any occasion to somehow patronize/ridiculize another person for the sole purpose of raising his/her own self-esteem. I'm not saying every gamer does this, but I'm sure its there at some level.

Also, as BiggusGeekus pointed out, seems you were quite unlucky and have hung out with jerks. Hope you find good (gamer) friends! Incidently, where are you from?

TS

 

[DiFier]

Your group has jerks in it.

The last time I was with a group like that was years ago. The guys not only treated women like that they treated other guys like that. I was driving with one of them once and he didn't like the lane I was in so he grabbed the wheel. This was going at 60 - 70mph on an interstate highway. How I solved the problem was to find another group.


Just my two cents. Feel free to take to heart or disregard and I hope things work out.

I agree it sounds like you game with jerks. Some people (not just male gamers) like to mess with people to to see how they react. then they play all hurt when you react approiatlly (or overreact) I'd say loose the stick and get a bat.

I agree that it isn't a male thing. But I have noticed the tendency with gamers, (self esteme thig) and since gamers are more often than not male it just works out that it seems to be a male thing. I think the messing with people is a seof-esteme thing.

BTW erveryhting I'vbe said here is an opinion

BiggusGeekus my reaction would have been much different. First I would have got the car under control. then I would have pulled to the side of the road. I would turn off the car and tell him to get out. And the I would leave his sorry on the side of the road. I may have even puched him in the face before kicking him to the curb but I'm not really a violent person. he would have deserved it.

A car is a letal weapon. just like a gun. You don't mess with someone driving.

 

[jgbrowning]

Thinking a bit more, it sounds like you're really being treated like "one of the guys." It's socially viscious, but viscious in a manner differen than what you may be used too.

joe b.

 

[Tabarnak Smokeblower]

Thinking a bit more, it sounds like you're really being treated like "one of the guys." It's socially viscious, but viscious in a manner differen than what you may be used too.

joe b.

There's something of that nature, but also, in a group of "guys", one "guy" will probably receive the brunt of jokes/attacks/whatever.

TS

 

[d20Dwarf]

Thinking a bit more, it sounds like you're really being treated like "one of the guys." It's socially viscious, but viscious in a manner differen than what you may be used too.

joe b.

This is perhaps the most useful and perceptive post on this thread yet.

This is a pretty common phenomenon, and one that is forced upon boys from an early age. They are taught that there is no difference between women and men, so when they interact the boys inevitably treat the women the same. And as much as some women might claim they want it, I've never met one that truly did.

 

[ArielManx]

I'm going to have to agree with the general consensus and say you're unfortunately gaming with a bunch of jerks. I'm female, have always been the only girl at the game table (except for a one-shot session), and I have not experienced any of the problems you have. The only player who ever gave me any headaches did that to everyone and left the group insisting we were the problem (good riddance).

One thing to note, though...I game with guys who were my friends first, and who I do things with outside the game. Perhaps that is part of the difference.

So I wouldn't call it a "guy thing" or even a "gamer guy thing". It just sounds to me like you haven't found the right group yet.

Ariel

 

[Zogg]

Like the others around here have already said, it has nothing to do with gender (or sexuality, which you also brought up), it just has to do with how you relate to people.

It's very hard to relate to a**holes, unless of course you are one yourself in which case you may feel right at home.