What It's Like For a Gamer Girl

[Wicht]

TB, replace "truly" with "true" and it makes better grammatical sense.

 

[Buttercup]

I'd love it if both sides would cut it out with the sweeping generalizations about members of one sex or the other. It's annoying enough to me when folks cite books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -- but at least I disagree with their basic points.

Amen, brother. The Mars/Venus books are nothing but stereotypes and generalizations that range from silly to offensive.

And Kahuna, I'm confused. Are you suggesting that my comment that "most men are decent human beings who treat women just fine" is somehow proof that I've been co-opted by what you call guy think? If you're saying something else, what is it?

 

[leeann_the_lame]

My bad on the grammar. And yes water is wet.

 

[eryndel]

TB, replace "truly" with "true" and it makes better grammatical sense.

I think it's missing a "there are" as well. I think it should read:

It is tru(e) that (there are) some emotions that are more ok for women and some for men.

Which, in a social setting, I mostly agree with. I think it would be more accurate to say that the ways we express certain emotions are more ok for different genders. As a generalization, among women crying is an acceptable form of expressing frustration, among men yelling and swearing is more acceptable.

 

[Doc_Souark]

I like Gamers and I like Girls so, where the hell can I find a sane Gamer Girl , or any female thats not a psyco b**** in waiting ? Before the crud starts comeing my way I'm been divorced for a year now from a Psyco (sometime)Gamer chick so bear with me.

 

[Buttercup]

Imagine, instead of suggesting (to a female nongamer) "a night of D&D", one could say: "I'm roleplaying with several friends tonite. If you'd like to, you can come. We tend to play out a lot of romantic and fun stories. Most of the men are a damn good charmers. The women tend to be swashbucklers or courtesans. One is even playing a princess. If you have interesting character idea, I'm sure it could be included. What do you think?"

I think I wouldn't want to play in your game. I'm not interested in romantic plots, and I don't want to play with "charmers", and I don't want to be either a courtesan or a princess. I want to be a fighter who can lay the smack-down on the bad guys, or I want to be a wizard who casts powerful spells, or I want to be a rogue who to whom no lock is an impediment, or I want to be a cleric who is the chosen of her god. Perhaps that makes me an atypical female. Or perhaps it just makes me a gamer. But I surely wouldn't invite any of my nongaming female friends to a game by using your suggestions. I think they would all run screaming. Is it possible that all the women I know are atypical?

 

[Wicht]

I think it's missing a "there are" as well. I think it should read:

It is tru(e) that (there are) some emotions that are more ok for women and some for men.

You are right. Wierd. I think my brain was supplying those words to the sentence and I did not even realize it. That normally only happens to me with things that I have written.

 

[Elf Witch]

Let me be clear that I am in no way approving of the male way of acting. I consider myself to be a "front-line feminist" - i.e. I deal with this problem every day. The *reality* is that more men game than women and more men do computer science than women. Therefore, the prevailing social norms are that of men. If you want to play, unfortunately, sometimes you have to play by their rules (at least until you can engineer games or social circles that meet your needs better).


I disagree with this you do not have to play by their rules. If the group is mature enough then everybody bends a little to be accommodating so that every one enjoys themselves. I get so sick of the idea that if a woman wants to play in the boys game she has to totally be the one to change. Bull if the guys want her in the game then they will do a little bending if needed. And if they don't then move on you don't need that kind of headache.

I think a lot of what is being said is just differences in how men and woman communicate. I play in a group with five guys and one other woman. And there are times that the need to debate everything drives me crazy sometimes I join in and othertimes I let it go in one ear and out the other.

I have also learned that if you want to play with guys you have to have a thick skin because a lot of them have no tact whatever. What's on their minds comes out their mouths they say things that woman won't say to you unless they are being catty. With the guys they are usaully not trying to be hurtful just funny.

And for talking about feelings most guys no matter how well adjusted tend to retreat from this subject. I speak from experiance I was having a rough time with things going on in the group and no matter what I said all they did was debate me or tell me I was not logical. I was ready to walk out. I gave one last try and in a non emotional way explained what was wrong and came up with solutions. Things are better now, but the interesting thing was that they talked about it among themselves never discussed it with me, but things got better.

If you are having trouble in your gaming group take an honest look at yourself and at waht is going on. And remember this is supposed to be fun if it is not move on.

 

[Trainz]

I think I wouldn't want to play in your game. I'm not interested in romantic plots, and I don't want to play with "charmers", and I don't want to be either a courtesan or a princess. I want to be a fighter who can lay the smack-down on the bad guys, or I want to be a wizard who casts powerful spells, or I want to be a rogue who to whom no lock is an impediment, or I want to be a cleric who is the chosen of her god. Perhaps that makes me an atypical female. Or perhaps it just makes me a gamer. But I surely wouldn't invite any of my nongaming female friends to a game by using your suggestions. I think they would all run screaming. Is it possible that all the women I know are atypical?

(chippin' in)

No, Butter, I do not think so. I am a guy who likes involved emotional role-playing, and you're an adventurer. Either we're both atypicals, or all the stereotypes people are trying to force down our throats in this thread are false.

I go with number two.

Once again people... there are no bad sexes, just bad people. And do not try to assign a playing style to one sex, it doesn't work. As per Butter's and my example.

 

[Pielorinho]

Is it possible that all the women I know are atypical?

Excellent point -- and this is why stereotypes are so annoying. When approaching Buttercup to join a game, you could take one of three approaches:

1) Realize she's got that double-X chromosome action going, consult some cheesy pop-psychology book about gender, conclude that Women Like Romance, and offer to let her play a fairy princess.
2) Say, "Yo, Buttercup! Here's the kind of game I'm running. Sound interesting to you?"
3) Talk to her, realizing that she's a unique individual with a unique personality, and ask her what kind of game she'd want to play.

AFAIAC, options two and three are fine. You can run a game and offer it to people regardless of their personality; or you can ask each person individually what they'd be interested in playing and offer them that.

But it's so easy to ask someone what their preferences are -- it's so simple to treat people as individuals -- that option 1, in which you assume Buttercup matches some profile of the Typical Woman, is senseless.

Treat folks as individuals.
Daniel