When a man plays a woman

[Istbor]

I am actually trying my hand at my first Female character (Having done a lot of this sort of RP for NPCs already).

Not because I wanted to get outside my bubble or anything, but because I thought it fit best with some of the random personality traits and background particulars. Plus I fell in love with the exotic look of the far traveler from Sossal in the SCAG.

Vega is her name. A half-elf Bladesinger. Playing with some alternate and houseruled stuff, so she has a character flaw of abrasive. She is inquisitive however and while pretty blunt she is still somewhat friendly, especially to the party members that she trusts. Outsiders is where this abrasive attitude comes mostly into play. She is also a devout follower of Mystra, and brushes off the subject of other Gods as playthings or servants of her Mistress. That does put her at odds often with the Dwarven Cleric in the party.

So far she has been a lot of fun. I am just trying to think of ways to expand and make her grow. I would be open to any thoughts on this as well.

Sadly, I am not good at a more effeminate voice, so she is currently stuck with my dumb one.

 

[Roseweave]

Don't worry about the voice too much tbh. People are used to it from GMs doing opposite gender voices.

Of course I can switch gendered voices pretty easy

 

[Lylandra]

Don't worry about the voice too much tbh. People are used to it from GMs doing opposite gender voices.

Of course I can switch gendered voices pretty easy

Depends on the GM, but I like to switch voices and accents a lot. Especially when my players are talking to more than one NPC at a time.

For the rest, as I said, it depends on the maturity level of your group. I'm lucky to play with my husband and a friend of 10+ years, so we can and do tackle difficult themes in our campaigns. Playing an opposite gender is by far an easier feat compared to playing, for example, fanatic twin oracles of Asmodeus in a believeable way. Or discussing systems of government where one character is a aristocratist (and noble) while the other is a theocracist and the third one favours a meritocratic monarchy. Or having a character deal with pregnancy.

In my opinion, roleplaying something that isn't you (or is even contrary to your beliefs) can help you understand and elaborate different points of view and interest. If you are open enough to "embrace" that point of view and start arguing from it. For example, my current (albeit new) character is an Eladrin woman hailing from a matriarchic, reclusive enclave that hasn't had a lot of contact with the outside world for 500 years. And while she is kind of a "progressive youth" who thinks the current matriarchy is neither good for men nor women, she still sees the "new" world around her in a biased way. She's more accepting when it comes to female authority, doesn't question arranged relationships, is estranged by jealousy and monogamy and still has to adapt to the idea that a "father" should have any say on his child's education (the concept of fatherhood doesn't exist in her home culture). So yes, she is slightly sexist without wanting to be so.

 

[Celebrim]

It's not all roses and sunshine either. Sometimes it leads to intentionally awkward scenarios. Sometimes the scenarios aren't intentionally awkward for the player or DM, but cause problems with other players. You get pedophiles. You get homosexual erotic fantasies being played out. You get two players of the same sex, or opposite sex, voicing out scenes inappropriate for children. You get scenarios where people feel like they are being punished (girdles of fem/masc) or exploited. You are producing a conflict of power distance and sexism, of scenarios involving rape and abortion. Basically, you are asking for problems.

I agree, but would like to once again emphasize that pretty much all of that can be avoided if you stick to a strictly PG table rule (or maybe PG-13 if everyone knows each other well and are comfortable with it). I tend to be of the opinion that most of what we consider "inappropriate for children" are probably inappropriate as a voyeuristic activity period, and what ought to be considered "adult themes" are things like marriage, pregnancy, parenthood and things that are the common, challenging part of being an "grown up". That is to say, in modern parlance, a game with adult themes has PC's that are #adulting, where as what passes for "adult themes" is really usually middle school aged voyeurism and fantasy about the newly discovered horizons rather than anything like a mature treatment. We typically recognize that only when its as blatant as something like F.A.T.A.L. (don't look that up if you don't already know), but I think it's actually pretty universally true regardless of the presentation.

If your group can't handle adult themes like adults, or doesn't want to handle adult themes because they want to keep their leisure activities light hearted fantasies not burdened by too much intellectuality, then this only stronger suggests keeping the game PG and avoiding shining a mirror on anything that might be occult, involve body horror, involve torture, and so forth. All of that can be assumed to go on in the background, just don't shine your light too brightly on it. Suggestion often is more powerful than graphic description anyway.

And if your group can handle adult themes like adults, I think they'll demonstrate that by respecting boundaries and treating subject matter that is difficult with dignity.

 

[Silver Moon]

While most of my playing characters are male, I have played two female characters. One started as an NPC in a long module that I DM'ed and became romantically involved with the party's leader. She was such a good character that I decided to continue her as a PC when I wasn't the DM. Later on we started a spin-off game with lower level characters, so I took the previously mentioned female PC's NPC teenage daughter and turned her into a PC as well.

 

[GrahamWills]

playing opposite sex characters is inherently problematic ...

It's not all roses and sunshine either. Sometimes it leads to intentionally awkward scenarios. Sometimes the scenarios aren't intentionally awkward for the player or DM, but cause problems with other players. You get pedophiles. You get homosexual erotic fantasies being played out. You get two players of the same sex, or opposite sex, voicing out scenes inappropriate for children. You get scenarios where people feel like they are being punished (girdles of fem/masc) or exploited. You are producing a conflict of power distance and sexism, of scenarios involving rape and abortion. Basically, you are asking for problems.

This has nothing to do with the topic at hand -- the discussion is about men playing women, not about inappropriate sex gaming. Frankly, my Venn diagram of overlap between the two is empty. In my experience (home groups and a LOT of con D&D gaming), inappropriate sex-related behavior has been pretty much always guys playing guys.

Not saying it doesn't happen, but your post suggests that "men playing women" leads to "scenarios involving rape and abortion". I really, really don't find that to be the case.

 

[Sunseeker]

playing opposite sex characters is inherently problematic. Not because the player can't do it, or because the DM can't do it, but because there will be times where either can't. There will be times where other players can't handle it. There will be times where the player can handle it, and the DM the character is created under is OK with it, but then new DMs at new Tables, or new players at either table will not enjoy it.

So what? Those sort of things happen in all sorts of games, for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes players can't take the violence of a game, sometimes players can't take the political elements. If someone is having difficulty handing some event at a table, whatever that event may be then there should be an open dialogue and the table should reassess if whatever the triggering event was was inappropriate, or if the reaction to the triggering event was inappropriate. It's a two way street. While we all agree to cooperatively game with each other, we cannot all constantly be walking on eggshells around other players, not knowing what unknown future event might cause another person to react badly.

It's not all roses and sunshine either. Sometimes it leads to intentionally awkward scenarios. Sometimes the scenarios aren't intentionally awkward for the player or DM, but cause problems with other players. You get pedophiles. You get homosexual erotic fantasies being played out. You get two players of the same sex, or opposite sex, voicing out scenes inappropriate for children. You get scenarios where people feel like they are being punished (girdles of fem/masc) or exploited. You are producing a conflict of power distance and sexism, of scenarios involving rape and abortion. Basically, you are asking for problems.

I don't care if my next statement is against the forum rules: this is some of the most sexist, homophobic garbage I've read in this forum in a long time, probably since I argued with that one guy about how using magic to make a woman more susceptible to your charms is rape and he disagreed. The connections made in this paragraph, going straight from "it's not all roses and sunshine" to pedophilla and then into homoerotic fantasy is the exact sort of neo-con garbage that is pushed by religious conservatives in the USA to paint homosexuals as horrible, sinful, pedophiles just waiting to sexually exploit others.

I suppose you could say similar things about some classes. Like an exorcist, or a witch, or a warlock. Or a half demon, werewolf, or vampire. Like, are you supposed to espouse cannibalism now? Are you expected to dress gothy and drink blood? Shuold you start wearing pentagrams and try not to get kicked out of your parents house or worry about crosses being burned on your front lawn?

This followup paragraph only further demonstrates my point. Here is your train of thought, literally here's a breakdown:
Man playing woman>pedophilia>homoerotic fantasy> sexual exploitation>witchcraft>drinking human blood>cross burning.

I mean seriously WHAT THE HECK?

Now, if you live in the 21st century, where anything goes, most of this won't even come up. The sexism issue will be right up there with belching rhymes and fart jokes. But there are places you can take it that are not cool. I highly recommend against it if you see potential for problems. Intersexed and Transgender people should avoid this scenario if the audience isn't completely comfortable with it, as it can lead to outing, ostracism, and bullying. In some cases those negatives can lead to physical violence. It's only funny and melodramatic until someone punches you in the face and slanders you. Then the police get involved. Then it's not funny or cool anymore.

And here's the capstone. Intersex, Transgender and all non-cis people need to sit down, shut up, be quiet, get back in the closet and not make "other people uncomfortable". Because you assaulting someone who makes you uncomfortable is totally their fault.

 

[ccs]

playing opposite sex characters is inherently problematic. Not because the player can't do it, or because the DM can't do it, but because there will be times where either can't. There will be times where other players can't handle it. There will be times where the player can handle it, and the DM the character is created under is OK with it, but then new DMs at new Tables, or new players at either table will not enjoy it.

Yeah, once upon a time we were 10-12 also & thought it was weird to play a girl....
And then we realized that it was part of the game. Afterall, one of us had to be the DM - and sometimes that meant playing the part of the barmaid, princess, queen, the evil witch, Lolth, the really dangerous Drow, the Fates, Hera, etc.
We also learned that it men playing the role of women wasn't at all uncommon in theatre in ages past.
And once we shrugged off this childish reaction because someone had to DM? We realized we could do the same as players.

It's not all roses and sunshine either. Sometimes it leads to intentionally awkward scenarios. Sometimes the scenarios aren't intentionally awkward for the player or DM, but cause problems with other players. You get pedophiles. You get homosexual erotic fantasies being played out. You get two players of the same sex, or opposite sex, voicing out scenes inappropriate for children. You get scenarios where people feel like they are being punished (girdles of fem/masc) or exploited. You are producing a conflict of power distance and sexism, of scenarios involving rape and abortion. Basically, you are asking for problems.

I don't think we're playing the same game.

I suppose you could say similar things about some classes. Like an exorcist, or a witch, or a warlock. Or a half demon, werewolf, or vampire. Like, are you supposed to espouse cannibalism now? Are you expected to dress gothy and drink blood? Shuold you start wearing pentagrams and try not to get kicked out of your parents house or worry about crosses being burned on your front lawn?

You miss the early 80s don't you?

Now, if you live in the 21st century, where anything goes, most of this won't even come up. The sexism issue will be right up there with belching rhymes and fart jokes.

IF I live in the 21st century? I get a choice?

But there are places you can take it that are not cool. I highly recommend against it if you see potential for problems. Intersexed and Transgender people should avoid this scenario if the audience isn't completely comfortable with it, as it can lead to outing, ostracism, and bullying. In some cases those negatives can lead to physical violence. It's only funny and melodramatic until someone punches you in the face and slanders you. Then the police get involved. Then it's not funny or cool anymore.

I have a question. What do you propose those Intersexed, Transgenders, etc play as?
{apologies if neccecary, I don't know how to phrase this}
THEY don't see themselves as whatever they started as....
Others don't see them as what they think they are....
So tell us wise one, what gender of character should they be making?

 

[Roseweave]

Trans people should only play agender Shardminds

My gender:

 

[Mad_Jack]

The trick to voicing a character of opposite sex or of some wildly different nationality or species is not to try to change the physical characteristics of your voice, but your speech patterns and grammar. It's about mimicking the way the character would speak, and not what they sound like. While you might adjust the volume of your voice, or the force behind it, the real difference comes in the words and phrases the character uses, how often they pause for breath, whether they speak fast or slow, the way they change their manner of speaking depending on who they're addressing, etc...
That's largely based on sociology and psychology rather than physiology, and thus those characteristics make much more difference than whether it's said in a baritone, a soprano or a falsetto...

On the original topic, I generally choose the sex/gender/race/whatever of the character based on whatever makes the concept and/or backstory of the character more interesting or fun to play - whether that may be visually, psychologically or narratively.
It's much less about my personal preferences than what best serves the character. However, I also tend not to be interested in playing minor variations on a recurring theme, so, because how important that detail may be to the character concept varies wildly from instance to instance. it somewhat diminishes the statistical relevance of how often I play either sex.