I think (a) you are taking a joke too seriously, and, (b) even if it were meant seriously, your response doesn't correlate to what Simon said:
Previous EDITIONS had COMBAT ROLES and NON-COMBAT ROLES. They're called CLASSES:
COMBAT ROLES IN 1E: Fighter
NON-COMBAT ROLES IN 1E: Thief
Get it?
The answer to "what non-combat role does a fighter have" would, by Simon's definition, be "none... unless he's multi-classed."
Thank you! For a few minutes I was thinking I was the only one who understood his post that way.
In previous editions roles (classes) encompassed the character's place in the team for the whole game, not just for combat. Now it is more like everyone is the same outside of combat. I admit 3E was moving in that direction already, but to me, and it seems many others, 4E took it to the extremity.
Class used to define so much more than how you behaved in combat. We had combat roles and non combat roles. Taking the 4 'classics' we had:
Fighter - good in combat. Good for knocking down doors.
Thief - good at exploring, stealth, dealing with traps and dealing with shady NPCs
Cleric - good at healing, ok as a backup in combat, and good at dealing with nobles and other NPCs
Magic User - Good in combat, and occasionally useful for non combat reasons. Including dealing with haughty intellectual type NPCs.
Bear in mind that I joined in 2E, so my understanding of the above may be incorrect in the fine detail. But that is the gist of it.
Each class had their distinctions, and many were not strong in combat. That has clearly been altered. Now all classes 'must have an equal role to play in combat'. That simply does not fit right with my understanding of 'what DnD is'.
As for the original question -
I'm 25 and I evidently am not WotC's target audience. And that stems from two assumptions that 4E is built on.
1) The 'best' part of previous editions was 5th to 12th level.
2) Characters are 'already heroes' when they are 1st level.
My games rarely went beyond 6th level, and always started at 1st. Because it was the early formative stage of the game that interested me and my fellow players. That part of the game seems to have been almost surgically removed. With my group, once the characters are powerful enough to be considered heroes, it's time to think about the next campaign.
It doesn't take many sessions of playing with the 4E HP model to realize that play style doesn't fit anymore. If the
wizard cannot be felled by a single blow at 1st level, something about the game has drastically changed. An 'average' wizard in 4E will have 20 HP. The highest damage dice for a single weapon blow is what? 2d6? 1d12?
Those damage dice used to be scary, and with good reason. Being hit by a greataxe SHOULD have a good chance of killing or maiming you. But I suspect by stating that I'll be labeled as a simulationist.