When players clash

[Grapeshot]

Just remember that there is always a way to tell somone something hard without hurting them or jepordizing the friendship.

Example:

Your wife comes home with a new haircut. It's awful. Now there are 2 ways you can tell her that her hair looks bad.

1. Honey, your hair looks horrible. It makes your head look all fat and you kind of look like a lesbian, not that thats a bad thing...

2. It'll take some getting used to but I kinda like it better the other way. You were all hot an sexy with that long hair.

#1 will have her t'd off and crying in the bedroom and peronoid about her head.

I guess my point is. Just tell him. "Hey soandso, I love ya brother but I'm going to have to boot you. It's not that we hate you it's just that every time you don't show and I think you're going to I have to re-arrange what I had planned for the game. And every time you do show when I expected you to not show it has the same affect. We're all gamers and we take our gaming seriously. It's important to us. If you decide that you want to be part of it I'm going to need you to make a commitment to be there every single game. If you can't I need to know 2 days in advance unless it is a dire emergency. Also if you decide you want to play you are going to have to remember that what the DM says goes!! That's not just for you thats for every player. And if you have a problem with something that goes on in game we'll shelf it and talk about it after that game. That cool?"

 

[BlackSilver]

Actually, I think it is more a community trend. I don't see this a trend in the whole world. As much as I love ENworld, I have never seen such an incredible level of disregard for friendship in the name of something insignificant as I have here.

That is what I am trying to understand. It seems that only a few have the interest of maintaining the relationship because of what is happening at the gaming table.

I will continue to hope that someone will explain it to me, but I am not sure anyone can.

Yet, at the same time, it's important to remember that it's still a vocal minority. Don't lose faith!

Ahh- yes, but I have seen a few of these threads and the posts that go with them, as they turn on the offender. It appears that those who come to these kinds of threads tend towards the "cut and run," or "dump the bum," or something along those lines.

Thank you, Jester, your view was helpful.

 

[BlackSilver]

Harmon- by your posts in this thread and if memory serves in your past posts regarding your friends that you might well understand what I am asking, could you enlighten or assist me in my request for understanding?

 

[azmodean]

Here's the other side of the fence, I've been in a situation where I started losing interest in a game (DM switched from DnD to BESM without changing playing style... ick) and my attendence started getting spotty (though I did call if I wasn't going to be there). Eventually my wife (who had dropped out of the game previously) asked me why I was even going, and I realized that I just wanted to hang out with my friends, even if I didn't like the game. I also realized I was proabably disrupting the game without meaning to, so I wend ahead and dropped out of the game. (still not an easy choice, I don't see some of them more than once a month, and these are my best friends )

If the guy is losing interest, you might be doing yourselves and him a favor by dropping him from the game. The most important thing though is to find out why he is doing what you are describing. The best course of action depends on if he is losing interest, he has a specific problem with the game, or if he has a bug up his .

 

[Harmon]

Friendship to me is… hard to explain.

Why these people would cast off their friends with such ease- I am not sure I understand either.

Its pretty obvious to me that some people have less expectations from friends then others, that some people view gathering friends as a moment in time, while some of us think of it as a life time event.

Recent events have placed me in a poor position to discuss relationships. Poor judgment on my part ended a long time friendship. Apologies were extended but not accepted, apologies I thought I had coming to me were taken as a joke. A phone conversation and recent comments (in this very forum) eroded any real chances of clearing that whole thing up, so I think that I am a very poor alley in this question.

I am sorry for wasting valuable thread space.

 

[MoogleEmpMog]

The modern conception of "friendship" (which has turned up at various times in history, often as a reaction to urbanization) as this hugely powerful bond seems to me to be an artificial and unnatural attempt to substitute for strong familial ties. Having no need to thus sub, I enjoy aquaintances at the gaming table and elsewhere while they're good company, and tell 'em to sod off if they're dragging me down.

When I have problems, I sure won't dump them on my poor gaming mates! They're out to have a good time, not to have some weak-willed git pour his heart and soul into making them as miserable as he is. Any person who thinks its OK to let troubles with his life screw up other people's fun, especially people he supposedly likes, is no friend of mine. If he wants to pop over some other time and tell me his troubles, I'll listen and perhaps impart nugget of wisdom (often, "Grow up."). If he wants to come rain on my parade on game day, he can feel the iron-shod boot of booting upon his behind.

Crappy games can actually be fun. But life is too short to play with crappy gamers.

 

[Sir ThornCrest]

Great post! I can relate 100%...

we had, for a few months, a real hard to get a long with jerk gaming with us. He was crude, rude unfriendly, throwing dice at the DM & then he was cool for a night or so. Then back to the jerk thing...I was always the only consistant one to challenge him in our group. He was was even physically threatening to a couple of the smaller players. He out right ruined 1 campaign, and we still havent played the other he was in. 1 player hated him so much he went to another gaming group all together.

We have just recently asked him to stop coming. He was so hard to get along with, we all tried, but you know what...there comes a time to just cut off the fat and go forward believe it or not its just like any relationship, either it works or it dont...if it takes one side to work at it full time, then its not worth it. The group voted 100% get rid of him.

Bottom line if somebody in your life is making you misreable then dont associate with them, you will have plenty of chances to meet new friends/players.

Thorncrest

 

[Darmanicus]

Actually, Darmanicus, it would appear that you are the one who did not read the post properly:

Care to elaborate on that? The way I see it is that Aero's 'worried' about losing a 'friend' if he gets rid of him/her from the game and is wanting an opinion on this. Now whilst I can't do Oprah and didn't actually give him a way to keep this 'friend' I did give an opinion based on what was put in front of me. Basically my thinking was what was the point in giving advice on trying to save a relationship that was flawed anyway? Aero himself said that half the group actively disliked him and the other half swayed back and forth, (and I'm going out on a limb here by assuming that Aero's gotta be part of one of the 2 halves?). He also mentioned 'That said, he is a friend outside of the game (although this has greatly weakened as of late as well)' which is something you conveniently neglected in your quoting of Aero below and therefore really quite relevant. Both inside AND out of the game this person seems to be a problem so what's the point in all this peace, patience and understanding cr@p? This seems to have been going on for a long time and it seems as though Aero and his group have already gone out of their way time and time again for this person without any joy whatsoever. There is also the fact that Aero mentioned the importance of all seats being filled which just supports the fact that this relationship is failing.

So yeah, I did read the post 'actually' but I thought I'd offer sound advice based on the evidence given and not some karmic bullsh*t which I'm sure Aero and his friends have already tried, (no offence meant there Aero I was just trying to say that I'm sure you guys have tried to get to the root of this problem many times now and that enough is enough, you can only go so far). I'm also sure the 'vocal majority', (actually I didn't count, I just thought I'd take your word for it),have also read Aero's post and come to the same conclusion as I did.......he's already had his fair share of chances, get rid of him and don't look back.

Now, you may not agree with Aero's definition of "friend," but that's irrelevant. He considers this person a friend, and is looking for a comfortable, kind way to resolve the situation.

Sez you. Maybe he just doesn't like confrontation like a lot of people, (in fact I think he has mentioned this earlier). I'm not too sure even Aero knows the level of this friendship, (by his words it's a fast waning one), or his commitment to it, (your importance based on your capacity to fill a seat!).

Actually, I think it is more a community trend. I don't see this a trend in the whole world. As much as I love ENworld, I have never seen such an incredible level of disregard for friendship in the name of something insignificant as I have here.

No It's not a community trend, it's lot's of people actually giving sound advice to someone in need of it. Just remember that what you ask for sometimes is not always for the best and it can take somebody else to point that out, (again no offence Aero and if you really do want to retain this 'friendship' then fair enough).

Yet, at the same time, it's important to remember that it's still a vocal minority. Don't lose faith!

Now I'm no good with doing multiple quotes on this, (in fact I've never tried), so it's probably gonna be a real messy post but on with it anyway.

BlackSilver -

Patience is a virtue that so many in the modern generations seem to lack.

Please define patience? Are you trying to say that if you can't put up with a problem for 1 - 4 years + then you're impatient? You're either superhuman.............or a stonehead!

Is this the direction that our world has turned, is this the way we wish to be treated? Shouldn’t we have some concern for those we call friend?

Er shouldn't that apply to the other person as well?

Ahh- yes, but I have seen a few of these threads and the posts that go with them, as they turn on the offender. It appears that those who come to these kinds of threads tend towards the "cut and run," or "dump the bum," or something along those lines.

Sometimes life's just that.......black and white baby!

And that's my 5 cents.

 

[JesterPoet]

Darmanicus:

If you can't respond to my comments without resorting to obscenities then you're obviously not able to control yourself well enough for me to continue this conversation with you. It's clearly not worth the effort.

 

[Darmanicus]

Darmanicus:

If you can't respond to my comments without resorting to obscenities then you're obviously not able to control yourself well enough for me to continue this conversation with you. It's clearly not worth the effort.

Self control has always been a problem that's what the colostomy bag's for

Seriously though......obscenities!!!? I apologise if anything I've said has offended you but I tend to get a bit passionate at times and I can't sometimes get to grips with how sensitive some people can be.