When your significant other resents gaming

[EricNoah]

God I'm lucky. While not a gamer herself, she fully understands why it means so much to me, encourages me to do it, and participates in a once-a-year game I run with her and another couple on New Year's Eve.

It's no wonder why I choked up there a bit at the ENnies when thanking her. As I put it, "She never asked 'why?'"

 

[Ashrem Bayle]

It's no wonder why I choked up there a bit at the ENnies when thanking her. As I put it, "She never asked 'why?'"

We both are very lucky. My wife is the same way.

Of course, I wish she was more involved, but I'm not going to pressure her.

That may change soon anyway. Guess I could get her pregnant and make a new party member.

 

[JacktheRabbit]

Sounds like you lost a wet noodle of a gamer. He deserves whatever he gets from that "wonderful" woman he is wasting his time with.

He got a girlfriend, she couldn't understand why we gamed and even after watching a session still didn't understand. So, she demanded he not game. And so we lost him.

 

[JacktheRabbit]

Re: Choices

Have to agree 100%. Whether it is gaming or anything else no one needs someone like that in their life.

If your significant other hates role-playing to such a degree that they resent you for it, you have a hard choice to make.

Gaming vs. Girlfriend (or boyfriend)

You WILL have to make that choice.

Most would say that a potential spouse is more important than a game, and they are right. However, if your girlfriend or whatever is forcing you to choose between them and a harmless pastime that you love, you are better off choosing the game.

Why?

If you really love someone, you don't force choices like that on them. It is just a game and can't be balanced with a relationship. They know this and that is why that tactic is used. It is unfair and VERY selfish.

Would you really want to be with someone that will do that to you?

Oh yea, and if you are already married and you face this problem... well... I'm truly sorry for you. Enjoy it while it lasts because either you are going to be miserable, or you're going to be divorced.

Of course, this is all just my opinion. I could be wrong.

 

[Desdichado]

My wife, an important fixture in those aforementioned threads about getting them to game, used to hate it. But I found out that it was mostly due to the fact that she felt I was more interestedin gaming (and my hobbies in general) than I was in spending time with her.

Fixed that, and now look where I am!

EDIT: Of course, the gamers in the game stores I used to drag her to every so often didn't help the cause either. Seeing that some friends of ours also gamed made a huge difference.

 

[Balsamic Dragon]

My husband is a gamer! Shocking, I know, it's so rare to find real male gamers

But I think most problems with gamer/non-gamer couples definitely boil down to the time commitment. Most gamers I know are in two or more games per week. That's 8 hours of gaming, plus 2 hours of getting there/set up, plus another hour at least of game prep, and that's assuming that they are not running the game! So if you are spending 9 hours a week on gaming and don't spend nearly that much quality time with your partner, they have every right to complain!

It can even be a problem with gaming couples. Dan and I have to make a concious effort to make plans to go out alone, without friends, because so much of our time together involves a group of at least 4-5 other people!

Balsamic Dragon

 

[BluWolf]

My wife has ZERO interest in gaming. SHe has never palyed and I don't encourage her to try because of her complete lack of curiousity.

At the time, she has no problem with me playing and its a good "my own thing" kind of activity that gives us our time apart.
I don't understand couples that do absolutely everything together but to each his own.

It is a little more difficult when I'm DMing as this takes a little more time and I have to be sensitive to it. But I'm an insomniac and usually do my best writing in the middle of the night.

 

[Tharkun]

Question...

What if your S.O. doesn't know that you game yet, what the best way to ease him/her into the fact that you do game? I don't ever want to have to choose between SO or Game That would be horrible!

 

[Desdichado]

My wife has ZERO interest in gaming. SHe has never palyed and I don't encourage her to try because of her complete lack of curiousity.

At the time, she has no problem with me playing and its a good "my own thing" kind of activity that gives us our time apart.
I don't understand couples that do absolutely everything together but to each his own.

It is a little more difficult when I'm DMing as this takes a little more time and I have to be sensitive to it. But I'm an insomniac and usually do my best writing in the middle of the night.

I would have said the exact same thing about my wife a month or two ago. Now she plays! I didn't have much to do with it, though. She overheard some folks we know at church talking about playing and she jumped in thinking that I would want to game with them. Before she knew it, she was invited, and now she's playing. She really enjoys the social aspect of it more than the game itself, but that's the whole reason she came: she never would have tried it out based on the game itself.

 

[BlackMoria]

My wife is not a gamer.

Worst, she doesn't understand why a grown man of 46 years of age would sit around a table playing some ridiculous game with 4 to 6 people who are half his age.

She has asked me when I intend to 'grown up'. I tell her 'Never'

While she may resent it or not understand it, we don't allow it to be a sore point within our marriage.

I was a gamer when she married me 23 years ago, so it wasn't like she didn't know what I did for entertainment.

She has accepted that it is 'Del (my first name) Thing' - my wife thinks that I am eccentric and weird. As I have told her - some of her activities I find equally incomprehensible, but I don't deny her right to do them.

As I tell her - I don't drink or smoke, watch sports, don't go to bars and strip joints, don't chase women or flirt. I am not abusive in any fashion to her or my kids. I don't have have a love affair with my car, motorcycle, or big screen tv - unlike other guys I have seen. I do laundry, do housework and make 50% of the meals and am a pretty open minded and informed guy when it come to feminine issues. My only social activity outside of doing stuff with my family (and my wife) is gaming.

In short, she got a 'great deal' - and she agrees, which is why she tolerates the gaming, even though she doesn't understand it one bit nor does she even want to understand it.

We don't let it be an issue in our marriage. We realize that we are individuals who have different tastes, even though we have chose to share our lives together.