Why can't you be prepared for a game session

[Bullgrit]

I didn't mean to imply that only having children is a time sink, or that those without children should have all the time in the world. Just that children *is* a big drain on time, and it's not something that can be "rearranged" to make time; and it is *my* current time sink. (I've not had children longer than I've had children, so I can [vaguely] remember what it was like.)

What I failed to get across (because I really didn't say) was that most of the "excuses" the players make about the situation is that they "just didn't have time" during the week. If you don't have something as serious as say, children or work on a Master's degree or two jobs, how can you not have 20 minutes (absolute tops) a week to prepare for the game? If the game is not important enough to take 20 minutes to prepare before the game, how is it important enough to schedule 5 hours to *play* the game?

Several months ago, we had to take a 4-week break from the game due to Real Life schedule conflicts. The PCs (including mine -- I was not the DM this time) had gone up a level at the end of that last session, so the DM asked us players to update him on our level ups. I sent the DM my updates within a few days. One updated him a few days before the next session, another updated him the day of the game session, and the other updated his character while we sat down at the table. In 4 weeks, those players couldn't find time to update their stuff? 4 weeks in which to find 5 minutes?

I was playing in one group where we had 2 clerics plus my paladin. I had the turning table on my character sheet for quick and easy reference (should I ever need it -- what with the other 2 clerics). The campaign was an undead-hunting theme -- lots of undead, and we more than once used all our turning attempts in a day. Yet, every time they turned undead, both players had to open up their books and find the chart (they didn't even bookmark the page). When I pointed out that I had the chart on my character sheet, one of them commented that "Well I just don't have the time to get that organized." The irony was that at that time, he was a single college student with no job, and I was working full time with a 6-month old at home. And how long did it take me to copy the chart from the book onto my character sheet? Maybe 10 minutes, considering having to format the page to fit it on?

In general, my rant here is just how can anyone complain they "just don't have time" to prepare for a game each week? 1: it doesn't take *that* much time. 2: it's just polite to be ready. 3: don't complain to a parent about not having time.

Bullgrit

 

[Dagger75]

I am on the other side, no kids or wife. Yeah I have free time but I like to stuff other than game. I watch football, like to go fishing when I can, try to fix my car, play some computer games.

I don't sit at home waiting for the next game.

And then at work, all the people with kids get all the nice perks. They can't work overtime, I can't have Friday off now because Mary kid has some stupid play. I asked for the time off in August, over a month ago, she asked Monday, I complained, she has the day off, guess who the bad guy is. I can't tell you how many times parents leave early from work. I asked once and was told no.

Yeah I'm bitter.

 

[Catavarie]

Honestly, I don't think about my games till the day of usually, but its no big deal I don't really prep much before DMing anyways mostly I just Wing it and the story flows nicely...guess I'm just lucky that way. I work 24hr shifts, write Sci-Fi/Fantasy stories/novels, spend way too much time with MMORPGs, Read good books, hang out with friends, spend time with my wife, play with the dog, watch the 4 hrs of TV I missed the night before because I was at work, clean the house, and cook dinner. And when thats all said and done then I sit down and think about D&D, its deffinately not the top priority in my life, in fact far from it, but out of respect for my group I try to devote some time to it each week.

 

[billd91]

So I'm asking this general question to all you RPG players here: What eats up your time so much that prevents you from being fully ready at the game table each session? How is it that I, with two young children (that require a ton of attention), can find time to prepare for a game as a DM, but you can't find 5 minutes to update your character sheet, or 10 minutes to read a rule, or 30 minutes to paint a mini (if you want the mini painted), or 5 minutes to ensure you have everything you need for the game session?

[/rant]

Bullgrit

It's good to rant from time to time, but don't be too hard on them. Clearly, as a DM, prepping for the game is a high priority for you. And your life situation is one that absolutely requires that you manage your time effectively and that affects your gaming prep. That's fine.

But don't assume that your fellow gamers are gaming geeks as big as you are.
Clearly, you put a high priority on the game and I'm just making a good-natured tease here. But it's true that not everyone sees the game in the same way. For some, it's just a good way to have fun for a few hours a week and not a bit more than that. And that's fine too as long as it doesn't really cause any trouble.

If you actually are finding yourself resenting another player's more cavalier attitude toward the game, step back and think about why you put the priority on it that you do. Do you do it because you enjoy it and the whole experience? Then continue to do it and let the other players' attitudes slide. Play and prepare the way YOU want to. Let them play and prepare the way THEY want to. But there's always room for compromise. Perhaps invite the players who always update late to show up early before the regular session. It'll feel enough like regular game time that they might update early before the regular playing time starts (and maybe even play with your kids, making it easier to clear the table and square things away before the real fun starts).

Ultimately, a player updating at the table at the start of the session is pretty small potatoes. Not painting a miniature is even smaller potatoes. Rant to get the issue off your chest, feel the release and move on.

 

[Quasqueton]

I also have a couple kids, and I also manage to find time to prepare for a game. Fortunately, 2 of my Players are on the ball enough to be ready for the game, always. Of the other 2, one doesn't even think about the game between sessions, and the other is (self admittedly) a bit lazy.

I don't sit at home waiting for the next game.

How do you read a request to take 20 minutes a week, at most, to prepare as "sit at home waiting for the next game."

Quasqueton

 

[IcyCool]

Yeah I'm bitter.

*shrugs* I just don't like people using their kids as some kind of badge of honor or excuse.

To Bullgrit:

I agree with your points #1 and #2.

As to your point #3, well congratulations, you're a parent. They are a blessing, and you should cherish them.

 

[sircaren]

What I failed to get across (because I really didn't say) was that most of the "excuses" the players make about the situation is that they "just didn't have time" during the week. If you don't have something as serious as say, children or work on a Master's degree or two jobs, how can you not have 20 minutes (absolute tops) a week to prepare for the game? If the game is not important enough to take 20 minutes to prepare before the game, how is it important enough to schedule 5 hours to *play* the game?

Here, I think, is your problem. It's not an excuse, the player doesn't put leveling his/her character high enough on the priority list to get it done. Why does a person's other time commitments have to be 'serious' to constitute a good reason not to spend time on D&D? Maybe he'd rather play xbox all week, it's their time and you will never be able to force them to put time in if they don't want to. You'll have more fun if you put the time in for yourself rather than them.

Perhaps, for them, prepping for a game isn't fun but playing it is. The previous analogy about sports is a very good one IMO. They like playing the game very much, but they don't research player stats, watch sports news, or have any involvement with the sport between games. Yet, the game is still enjoyable for them to watch.

 

[6pakofdwarves]

Bullgrit wrote my life, I think he is my long lost brother/clone! But I think I know why it happens that way. My main source of recreation outside of my family is D&D, it is my "me time". So it becomes more important to me than to the guys without families/ long term relationships who essentialy only have "me time". So to them the doing things outside of the game is not psychologically or emotionally as important.

That is just my take on it anyway.

 

[sircaren]

Bullgrit wrote my life, I think he is my long lost brother/clone! But I think I know why it happens that way. My main source of recreation outside of my family is D&D, it is my "me time". So it becomes more important to me than to the guys without families/ long term relationships who essentialy only have "me time". So to them the doing things outside of the game is not psychologically or emotionally as important.

That is just my take on it anyway.

I totally agree with this. My wife and I were just talking about this. We have many friends who are married with kids, and they seem to enjoy the things we do together much more than my wife and I. We came to the conclusion that, since we can do these things whenever we want, it's not nerely as important to us to 'make the most of it'. Whether it's going camping, going to a movie, or any other recreational activity; sometimes we feel we aren't 'in it' as much as our friends sometimes are.

 

[Dagger75]

I also have a couple kids, and I also manage to find time to prepare for a game. Fortunately, 2 of my Players are on the ball enough to be ready for the game, always. Of the other 2, one doesn't even think about the game between sessions, and the other is (self admittedly) a bit lazy.

How do you read a request to take 20 minutes a week, at most, to prepare as "sit at home waiting for the next game."

Quasqueton

Well actually I am prepared for the games I play in, but a lot of friends are single, no kids. That was his excuse. I was trying to point out that people that don't have kids do other things that are important to them. They have there own priorities.

I am still a little peeved of not getting my day off because of a parent, I may have came off a little harsh cause it touched a nerve with me. At least I got the day off to see Serenity