Why do elves suck?

[molonel]

And lets not even touch the 300 lb guy playing a hot elf chick who likes to roleplay out his romantic encounters (and yes, thats pretty common from my experiences).

Your gaming group is really, REALLY different from mine.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Elves suck because they live so freaking long.

If you want to create a campaign world with forgotten parts of history, you either have to make it many thousands of years ago, you have to make the elves "aloof" and separated from the other races, or you have to manufacture some reason none of those "middle-aged" 1000 year old elves remember anything about it.

Oh, and they apparently all have ADD - elves can reach high levels in a few years, that's just a few months to humans. So, why don't powerful old elves dominate the world? Oh, that's right, they lose interest and move on to other things instead.

 

[Gothmog]

Your gaming group is really, REALLY different from mine.

Haha! Any person who does that in my group is shown the door rather quickly. Its happened 3 times with 3 different players at my table, and the first time we sat there open mouthed and dumbstruck. That guy wasn't invited back. I usually game with people (male and female) I've known from high school and college, with the occasional new addition. The other two were warned about it before playing, and they persisted, which resulted in immedate ejection from the game. I've also seen this a lot at game store events, and guys who obsessively talk about their characters- most play elves, and many play "lecherous hot elf chicks".

 

[frankthedm]

They're too darn short. I refuse to think of elves as the most ancient and powerful race when their biggest representitive only comes up to my chin

Yeah, D&D elves being only 5' tall kinda feels wierd. Being short does not help the "Dude looks like a lady!" issue.

The Ads for WoW:BC have the malest elf i have ever seen.



Those are Man-hands.

 

[Imp]

IMC all elves wear mithril trenchcoats and use katanas and shotguns.



Ok, fine, they're actually fey without any LA and they're extraplanar so nobody gets to be a full elf are you happy?

Not that dwarves are any more at home; they're extraplanar and totally covered in hair.

 

[roguerouge]

Elves: Less Fun Than You Might Think

Okay, I'm going to try to do this in a PG-13 manner....

Elves live for over a thousand years.
Elves are regularly portrayed as uber-attractive.
There are few campaigns where Elves dominate the land through sheer population growth.

This state of affairs can be explained by:
A. Elves spend more time looking in the mirror than at each other.
B. Something does not mechanically work well in one gender's reproductive systems.
C. This is a logical response to the disincentive of facing 100 years of "The Terrible Twos" from their children.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

They are fickle, devious, extremely self-involved, have no empathy for others, and have a dark overtone to them. In short, they tend to be narcissistic lunatics, who occasionally turn sociopathic and murderous.

Wait, are we still talking about elves, or the guys who prowl the off-topic forum looking for romantic advice from Teflon Billy?

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Wait, are we still talking about elves, or the guys who prowl the off-topic forum looking for romantic advice from Teflon Billy?

Yes.

 

[nerfherder]

C. This is a logical response to the disincentive of facing 100 years of "The Terrible Twos" from their children.

Bingo!

 

[Mark CMG]

(. . .) and doused in ketchup.

Yellow mustard only for Chycægo elves.