Why do elves suck?

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Yellow mustard only for Chycægo elves.

But for that recipe, they have to be rolled in grey ooze, floured in corn flour, dipped in boiling oil, and heavily salted. Then add the mustard.

 

[Mark CMG]

But for that recipe, they have to be rolled in grey ooze, floured in corn flour, dipped in boiling oil, and heavily salted. Then add the mustard.

Or on a bun with fluorescent green spell components and a dash of celery salt.

 

[Aeric]

Yeah, D&D elves being only 5' tall kinda feels wierd. Being short does not help the "Dude looks like a lady!" issue.

The Ads for WoW:BC have the malest elf i have ever seen.



Those are Man-hands.

Yeah, blood elves rock hard. They have an awesome maniacal laugh and a class which is essentially an ur-priest version of the paladin. Any race that has a sweatshop manned by sobbing gnomes and a spirit of light chained up in the temple basement whose power is regularly siphoned off is alright in my book. They are what evil elves should be, none of this drow nonsense.

 

[Brennin Magalus]

I don't like how elves are presented. They should have sorcerer or perhaps ranger as their favored class, not wizard. Also, they should probably have a strength penalty, not a constitution penalty.

 

[Squire James]

In my game, nobody wants to play an elf. They don't care about their "gay" reputation - they just don't like that Constitution penalty. That ability score has skyrocketed in importance since 2e, and being hit there is a bit painful. My players will suffer penalties in Dex (and play a heavy-armor guy), Str (and play a wizard), Wis (and play anything but a cleric or druid), Cha (can still dump this one pretty easily), and sometimes Int (reluctantly, because they like skill points). But Con? No way!

 

[Moon-Lancer]

elves get the con shaft. good old wood elves fix that though....

also their proficiency's suck if you have one level of fighter. Give me +1 to hit and damage please.

I found a fix though. Killoran. They get kick ass smiting, they are true fey (immune to lots of spells) and live forever, and they don't get shafted by con. They are described as looking like half elves but the artist drew them like plant things. I can draw and visualize on my own thank you.

 

[Gez]

I don't like how they're allowed to be Lawful Evil and yet be considered of Chaotic Good alignment. Also, I don't like how they'll always do everything they can to hog the spotlight in every campaign setting.

 

[Desdichado]

Yellow mustard only for Chycægo elves.

The gratuitous usage of y's and Old English vowels for a "fantasy" feel seems to go hand in hand with the worst elf players too, doesn't it Mr. Mærk CyMG.

 

[frankthedm]

Elves live for over a thousand years.
Elves are regularly portrayed as uber-attractive.
There are few campaigns where Elves dominate the land through sheer population growth.

In 3e Elves only have 50 years of adult life before 88 years of middle age at an average Con of 6, followed by 87 years of old age with a Con of 4 and finished off with 4-400 years of being venerable with a Con of 2.

B. Something does not mechanically work well in one gender's reproductive systems.

If both genders have their reproductive systems 'run out' before old age, akin to the human female running out of eggs, then that can be a partial solution.

Mayhap Elven females only ovulate when they fall in "true love". Thus elves are goodwilled, kind and whimsical because they have to be.

But overall, I just say elves are not that fertile and have a rough pregnancy, the 2 year gestation and grow up over a century. Elven couples have to try a lot to have kids and it puts the mother in rough shape for some time. Once born the child is quite a burden and few elves entrust others to care for their young.

 

[Moon-Lancer]

theirs not much difference from a -2 con (elf) to a -4 (human) when dealing with most classes hit points. Its still going to be 1 hit point a level.