Why do elves suck?

[Mark CMG]

The gratuitous usage of y's and Old English vowels for a "fantasy" feel seems to go hand in hand with the worst elf players too, doesn't it Mr. Mærk CyMG.

Sorry. I must have accidently hit the pretentious lock key on my keyboard.

 

[Gentlegamer]

They're too darn short. I refuse to think of elves as the most ancient and powerful race when their biggest representitive only comes up to my chin.

I don't know how tall you are, but I bet most of your real life human ancestors would probably only come up to your chin, too.

 

[(Psi)SeveredHead]

good old wood elves fix that though....

That is part of the problem, not part of the solution.

I don't know how tall you are, but I bet most of your real life human ancestors would probably only come up to your chin, too.

I'm pretty sure DnD humans are the same size as we are now (and big for medieval folk). Compared to humans, elves are still short. Mind you, I have no problem with short elves.

 

[Felon]

In this case, I suspect it's because he's trying to be funny.

No, unfortunately that is not the case.

Dark Jezter isn't trying to be funny. He's long harbored some kind of contention about elves and the people he thinks of as elf fanboys, and he's been doing this little routine on this forum for years, although usualed couched as humor so he doesn't get moderators on his back.

However, he rarely fails to jump into a thread where he can go nuts with elf-bashing, and he goes on about the same handful of perceived travesties post after post, year after year, and those are sure signs that his issue with elves is more than just passing bemusement. Those poll options? Really old material. I've run all of this pat him before, that maybe grinding the same axe for his whole life is kind of a waste of energy, and yet he still can't resist the gravity of this obsession.

Particularly curious, DJ cannot seem to get The Complete Book of Elves out of his head. The book came out in 1993 and he speaks about it like it was some highly relevant topic. He thinks that book is such an egregious travesty that it still bears discussion to this day, and can't conceive that there aren't scores of other people equally outraged.

The only surprising thing is that he hasn't mentioned anything about elf ninjas yet. He always does the elf ninja bit.

At any rate, if it was just an elf-bashing thread, it might indeed be amusing, but there's the rub. He not only emjoys getting all the elf-bashers all stirred up, but he also wants to offend people who are fond of elves. This desire to offend is pretty heavily evidenced by the poll options he provides, particularly comments about elf fanboys and "the stupidest, most annoying MMORPG players". It is a mistake not to regard his poll as trolling.

 

[Mark CMG]

No, unfortunately that is not the case.

Dark Jezter isn't trying to be funny. He's long harbored some kind of contention about elves and the people he thinks of as elf fanboys, and he's been doing this little routine on this forum for years. He does usually try to make some effort to couch it as humor so he doesn't get moderators on his back for trolling.

However, the fact that he rarely fails to jump into a thread where he can go nuts with elf-bashing, and that he goes on about the same handful of perceived travesties post after post, year after year, are sure signs that his issue with elves is more than just passing bemusement. Those poll options? Really old material. Oh, and I've pointed all of this out to him before, that maybe grinding the same axe for his whole life is kind of a waste of energy, and yet he still can't resist the gravity of this obsession.

Particularly curious, DJ cannot seem to get The Complete Book of Elves out of his head. The book came out in 1993 and he speaks about it like it was some highly relevant topic. He thinks that book is such an egregious travesty that it still bears discussion to this day, and can't conceive that there aren't scores of other people equally outraged.

The only surprising thing is that he hasn't mentioned anything about elf ninjas yet. He always does the elf ninja bit.

At any rate, if it was just an elf-bashing thread, it might indeed be amusing, but there's the rub. He not only emjoys getting all the elf-bashers all stirred up, but he also wants to offend people who are fond of elves. This desire to offend is pretty heavily evidenced by the poll options he provides, particularly comments about elf fanboys and "the stupidest, most annoying MMORPG players".

I think DJ secretly likes elves and dresses as one when he is at his computer. He doth protest too much.

 

[Dark Jezter]

I think Felon needs some Pamprin.

 

[Felon]

Pamprin's good stuff.

Hope this thread is enough to set you for a while. See you next time.

 

[MerricB]

Elves suck for two reasons:

* Mialee artwork
* Inferior wizards in 3e (except for the Races of the Wild generalist wizard subst. level)

Cheers!

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

* Mialee artwork

Offset by the Todd Lockwood illo of the elf chick in the elven chain in the DMG:

Hubba Hubba. Now we know where half-elves come from.


Dwarf women get no love since WotC shaved off all of their beards.

 

[Felon]

Elves suck for two reasons:
* Mialee artwork
* Inferior wizards in 3e (except for the Races of the Wild generalist wizard subst. level)!

True, they do have a weak package, at least for their default favored class. I'd probably go with ranger myself, and strike the "wood elf" from the Monster Manual (which puts the half-orc's racial traits to shame).