Women Gamers vs. PCs/DMs Significant Others

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Queen Dopplepopolis wants a look into the deep workings of the brain of the male species!

So, was reading through the thread on how many women people have in their groups and noticed that Eric Noah took the time to distinguish that the women in their groups were the DMs spouses. I realize that is because so many women join the game because their husband/boyfriend/whatever plays...

Personally, I was introduced to the game by some guy friends (no love interest there) and my interest developed by playing in a game DMed by a man that would eventually become my husband.

Anyway, I was just wondering how many of you know women that joined the game of their own volition... so, how many of you have women that you cannot distinguish as so-and-sos wife/girlfriend... the types that joined the game "for love of the game," as opposed to "for love of their husbands"?

For those of you women that joined the game because your significant other played, did you ever experience a break when it went from being *his* game to *your* game?

For those of you men, did you witness a break like this for those infamous "DM's wives"? Does there ever come a point when these women stop being the DM's wife and just become one of the players? What is the catalyst for that? Is there something specific that happens(ed) that made you realize that this chick was no longer a tag-a-long, but a legitimate Role Player?

Share your experiences! Queen Dopplepopolis commands it!

 

[Crothian]

Of the 4 women I know hang with and game with, all of them game for the sake of gaming even though in all cases their husband/boy friend also games. For the most part, I've actually found theat the ones who just game because ther sig other does (and this actually applies to both male and female players) are not into it as much as sort of detract from the game.

 

[RangerWickett]

All I know is that the girls in my college's sci-fi/fantasy/gaming club either had already found good, steady boyfriends, or else they were not the sort of people you want to date.

It's kind of like gamers are afraid that they'll go extinct, so everyone who's eligible gets a partner early, to make sure they can repopulate the world with geeks. All of us who made the mistake of picking someone who we ultimately could not get along with are stuck single, with poor chances of finding someone.

Le sigh.

Of the gamers I know well, male or female, only two have significant others who aren't part of the same social group. Most everyone else is either single or dating another gamer.

Now, the last time I had a girlfriend, I was the one who got her into gaming. She might have started anyway, but it took some cajoling at first. Of course now she games with another man, far far away.

Le sigh.

In my experience, when someone is introduced to roleplaying, either they take to it easily and make it something they love, or they just don't get into it. I recall vividly one evening, two months after my big, tragic break-up, hearing a knock at my dorm room door. I open it to see a cute, skinny girl who says with a Polish accent, "Are you the Ryan who plays Dungeons & Dragons?"

I thought it was love at first sight. She wanted to play D&D, and she was new to campus so she hadn't been around to see me particularly broken up over my break-up. I was certain I would find love with this new Polish gamer, with her sexy almost-Russian accent. But then she played in one session I ran, and things just didn't go well. She played her character, and thought it was fun, but never asked to play again. We get along fine since she's also a big fan of anime, but she's not a gamer.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't still want to date her, even a year and a half later.

Le sigh.

 

[Impeesa]

My girlfriend got into gaming because I insisted on dragging her along. In her own words, it took her a long time to admit she could have fun with it, but she certainly looks forward to it now. Some other girls I game with were in more or less the same boat as her (we, along with most of the guys I game with, went through most of this in the last few years of high school, to give this some context). We very nearly turned them off gaming - we took the same approach teaching them as we learned with - "roll this and add this" until they learn enough rules to get by on their own. The crucial mistake was, none of them were motivated enough to touch a rulebook with a ten foot pole - I suspect none of them had the self-confidence at the time to assume they could put themselves on equal footing, although it wouldn't have taken a great deal of effort. :\ Another girl who games with us got into it just because of her roommate (one of the girls from above).

--Impeesa--

 

[Pbartender]

Age-wise and gender-wise, we've got a pretty diverse gaming group. Of our regulars, we have four men and two women ranging in age from 17 to 53.

Anyway, I was just wondering how many of you know women that joined the game of their own volition...

One woman, 53, we met through the EN World message boards. She is single and joined our group to play D&D for the First Time Ever shortly after retiring from MMORPGs.

so, how many of you have women that you cannot distinguish as so-and-sos wife/girlfriend... the types that joined the game "for love of the game," as opposed to "for love of their husbands"?

The other is my wife. She played D&D even before I'd met her, though not often. She's much more active in RPGs now, and GMs a Spycraft game on the weekends that I'm scheduled to work. When it's time to game, we're gamer and GM, GM and player, or player and player.

For those of you women that joined the game because your significant other played, did you ever experience a break when it went from being *his* game to *your* game?

Long before our current group attained its current composition, I gamed with a few guys down the street. When my wife expressed interest in joining the game, and disappointment that she couldn't play (someone had to stay home to with the kids), I introduced her to the rest of the group. I suggested that we play at our place, so she coudl join the game and so we could both play without having to hire a babysitter every week. It worked out so well, that we're going on four years playing together at our house.

That's when it went from 'my game' to 'our game'... As soon as she joined in.

For those of you men, did you witness a break like this for those infamous "DM's wives"? Does there ever come a point when these women stop being the DM's wife and just become one of the players? What is the catalyst for that? Is there something specific that happens(ed) that made you realize that this chick was no longer a tag-a-long, but a legitimate Role Player?

I don't think it ever really happened in our group. My wife enjoys the game enough, and has a strong enough personality that it was never a question. She's ovbiously as much of a gamer geek as any of the rest of us, and always has been.

In other words... My wife is not a gamer because she's my wife. Nor is she my wife because she's a gamer. She's my wife AND she's a gamer, because she wants to be.

Lucky me.

 

[BSF]

What an odd question to me!

I haven't purused the referenced thread, so I cannot comment in full. But I don't think I have ever played in a game where one of the players was only playing because of her SO. Let me scratch through memories...

OK, in my early gaming years, let's say 1980 - early 1988, I didn't really game with any female players. My sister and her friend would occasionaly try to play in our (WEG) Star Wars game, but they never wanted to really play more than a session or so before they would tire of their ewok characters. (Roll-eyes smiley would be welcome right here. What can I say? They were 10 or so and we were just trying to be nice.)

Around 1988 was when my friend and I joined a game with some complete strangers. Had a blast! One of the players was the DM's wife, but she played because she was a gamer. As I understand it, the two of the met while gaming. As well, she worked at the FLGS and she had a damned fine understanding of the rules. I always considered her a damn fine roleplayer. (Hey, Don and Oleeta, if you are reading this 'Hi'. I hope you folks are doing well. Call me Drake ) She was definitely not doing it just to be in *his* game. Eventually he got a transfer and the game broke apart.

But from that came my first experience with Champions (HERO). A couple of the guys from the above group asked me to join them in their Champions game. Yet another female gamer was to be found! She knew HERO, and if you have ever looked at the HERO rules, I bet you can understand why I think of her as a gamer first. Her and one of the guys hit it off and eventually got married. Still, that was definitely not a case of her joining because of a SO.

After that, I joined up a game with another guy I worked with. His wife played in the game. She seemed adept at the game and all of us considered her a player first, DM's SO second. In the same campaign, we had a couple join us as well as one of our female co-workers. I think I can say "legitimate roleplayers" for all of them.

After that game, I joined another with a couple of people I worked with. The husbands of two of the women didn't play. Another womand from work joined at the same time I did. She had never gamed before, but had wanted to try it out. I showed her some of the rules actually. Later, she and I dated for a while, but she eventually left the game. Later, one of the husands joined and he seemed to fit the "SO just playing to be with his wife" role. Which is odd since he had gamed in college and from what I hear ran some good Gamma World games at one time. He no longers plays. I still play with that group.

I eventually met the woman who would become my wife. She wanted to roleplay, but had never had much opportunity. So, I put together some games for her. Those were *her* games and at the time we were mostly just friends. At one point I ran a DnD game with her, her sister, my sister, a female friend of mine and a male friend of mine. At another time I was running a (WEG) Star Wars game for her, her sister, her sister's friend, my sister and a completely different male friend. It was quite a treat to run an almost all-female game.

Later on, my wife volunteered me to run a game for the sons of some of her co-workers (all teachers). She played in that game as did the mother of one of the guys, and the father of another. Two women in that group, but again my wife was playing because she enjoys gaming.

That game crawled to death until those guys all got a bit older and less dependent on parents for rides. It is the game I run right now. Great game with some great players. My wife dropped out when our daughter was born a few months back, but the sister of one of the guys is playing. Definitely not a SO type thing there.

I don't know, I haven't seen many examples of women playing just because a boyfriend or husband was playing. I've seen women play cutthroat and ruthless as well as heroic and compassionate. But almost every woman I have gamed with has been serious about the game. Whether they were giving it a try for the first time, or experienced die-hards was irrelevant. They wanted to play, not just because somebody they were involved with was playing, but because they wanted to enjoy the game.

Maybe I have had unusual experiences? I don't know. But those are my expierences, oh great and noble Queen, such as I have seen them.

 

[Shadowdancer]

In our group we have two males and three females. One of the males (not me) is married to one of the females. The other two females do not play, and have never played, because of significant others playing. One is married, the other is divorced.

My wife does not play. She tried playing once, because of me, but didn't enjoy it.

 

[The Horror]

Funny. Nobody in our group has ever brought their significant other to the gaming table. We all view our gaming as one of the few timeslots during the week when we can all hang out with the rest of the boys. A break from the horror if you will.


The Horror

 

[dvvega]

My wife roleplays, however she got into roleplaying because 10 years ago she had an interest and a class mate of hers invited her to join a game or two to "see how it was like". The games she joined were in my long running Greyhawk campaign.

We gamed together, hung out as a group, but there was no other involvement until later. So she is a gamer that started because she had an interest in gaming. She had read Fighting Fantasy as a young girl, had been given a Basic D&D boxed set as a family present (she's one of 4 girls) and was the only one who didn't let go of fantasy when she "grew up".

 

[Goblyns Hoard]

I've had one SO get into gaming because of me gaming with some mates at uni. We broke up soon after but still did a lot of gaming together. Nowadays she games much more than me having married another gamer. Whenever I'm back in L'pool I hook up with them and normally can get a one-off out of it.

My fiancee is also playing in my current group but she got into gaming well before I met her so there was no influence of mine in getting her into it.

I've seen other women trying out gaming because of an SO but normally they don't last for any length of time. The ones that last (in my experience) are when the woman is asking about the game rather than the man telling her about it.