word play game

[Anti-Sean]

Ranged Torch Attack: set someone on fire from a distance.

Towel Shield: +0 AC, but can protect you from gaze attacks. Can also be used to deal 1d3 points of subdual damage in a locker room.

Half-Alf: Ha! I kill me!

Magic Missive: Send a letter to anyone within Medium range unerringly, even if the target has a towel shield (see above).

Burning Hans: Poor Hans! This spell may requre a ranged torch attack (see above) to succeed.

Spit: While usually socially unacceptable, this seems to be an important skill for several base and prestige classes.

Diplomancy: Spells used to improve and influence interaction with NPCs

Massage: a very soothing 0-level spell

 

[Warrior Poet]

Simulacrumb - creates artificial bread. One grain at a time.

Stove Golem - the deadliest guardian of your kitchen.

Vampyre - burning blood suckers.

Grad Ooze - pernicious monster alternately found trying to still "fit in" at campus parties or totally disdainful of underclassmen, uh, underclassmonsters, and prone to pontificate at length about their Masters, uh, Monsters Thesis.

Muconid - alien but lovable snot people.

Clock of Protection - provides +2 bonus on saving throws. Sometimes worn by Flavor Flav.

Soup Knife - a most ineffective psionic prestige class. I mean, really.

Feeblemint – a curiously weak curative spell for halitosis.

Eric Level Handbook - for a very, very focused target market: male librarian bicycle-enthusiast residents of Wisconsin who start web news and talk boards about popular role-playing games.

Sword and List - a guide to grocery shopping for fighters and monks.

Tomb and Blood - low-level wizards and their hit points.

Bong and Silence - some primo sourcebook . Includes Chee-tos and Doritos appendix.

Band of Vecna - undead supergroup on world tour.

Sand of Vecna - undead desert bent on ascension to godhood.

Nedull - undead god of tedium.

Warrior Poet

 

[Warrior Poet]

Great words, everyone! I love this thread.

 

[DamionW]

Boccob's Blessed Cook - Chosen wizard of the god of magic that yells "BAM!" before casting his fireballs, then proceeds to prepare the charred remains of his enemies into culinary delights.

 

[Anti-Sean]

Bull Rash: The attacker vigorously rubs a male bovine back and forth against his opponent, hoping to cause a painful skin condition. This provokes an attack of opportunity unless the attacker possesses the Improved Bull Rash feat.

Mage Ardor: Just hope someone has a Calm Emotions spell prepared in case this is cast. This spell is a requirement for creating an Elixir of Love.

Strumpet Archon: One of the more popular celestials, they generate a continuous Mage Ardor effect in a 10' radius.

Invisible Stacker: These elementals often find gainful employment in libraries and warehouses.

Bust Monster: Feared by adventurers everywhere, their touch destroys armor by radically altering the figure of creatures touched by their antennae.

Hugbear: These goblinoids, eerily silent despite their large size, delight in sneaking up on unsuspecting adventurers and cuddling with them.

Bag of Gricks: Don't stick your hand in this one.

Eyes of the Beagle: These lenses grant their wearer a +5 competence bonus to Bluff checks. (puppy-dog eyes)

Mange Hand: This spell grants the caster a melee touch attack to induce baldness in the target.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Fold Person - painful incantation makes enemies much more portable!

Hammet of Thunderbolts - lightning-fast lead guitarist for heavy metal band Mithrallica.

Decanter of Endless Walter - when opened, pours forth a constant stream of learned, intelligent, insightful news perspective in a sonorous and reassuring voice. Never says, "And that's the way it is."

Immovable Roc - not just a big bird. Heavy, too.

Ghost Touché - French weaponry capable of damaging incorporeal creatures.

Stuff of the Magi - odds and ends that radiate strong magic and generally clutter up a room or area when used in a retributive strike.

+5 Holey Avenger - a blessed blade that looks like Swiss cheese.

Graze Attack - spontaneous and devastating appearance of thousands of herbiverous ungulates that proceed to defoliate the target's lawn.

Gnope - persistently negative short-statured player character race.

Wand of Wander - a beam of energy springs forth and causes the target to meander in a random direction for d% rounds.

Crystal Bell - only rings once, but it's a beautiful tone.

Crystal Bull - safer in a china shop. Sort of.

Rube of Climbing - easily duped individual in constant search for new heights.

Warrior Poet

 

[Warrior Poet]

Bull Rash, etc.

Those are great! Hugbear!

 

[DamionW]

Wand of Wander - a beam of energy springs forth and causes the target to meander in a random direction for d% rounds.

Warrior Poet

I actually think that's kind of cool.

 

[Sejs]

Mild Shape - the druidic ability to take on the vague sembalence of any of a number of animals while simultaneously gaining none of their abilities.

Weapon Enhancement: Ghost Torch - Of somewhat limited use, this weapon is counted as Flaming, but only when used against incorporeal targets.

Bass Dragon - Musical instument or fish? Well, it's a dragon, so both!

Polyarut - A very specailized Inevitable that is responsible for dealing out punishment against those who break vows against multiple spouses.

Narrowhawk - A very scrawny, underfed, four-winged lightning spooting bird.

Tankheg - The unholy offspring of a large burrowing insect and an M1 Abrahams.

Cryosphinx - A very lonely arctic sphinx that rarely ever gets to tell anyone riddles.

Mockatrice - Doesn't turn you to stone, just makes fun of you in front of all of your friends.

Gray Renter - This large magical beast is known for its odd habit of renovating run down properties and then charging people to reside there... whether they want to or not.

Phrase Spider - A most palaverous araneae widely regarded for its empyreal quotability

 

[Anti-Sean]

Matlock of the Titans: Once per day, this wondrous item can summon a Huge lawyer beloved by the elderly.

Mice Storm: cannot be cast when it's raining cats and dogs.

Keen Hedge: This spell magically sharpens any plant, increasing its threat range.

Summon Mobster I-IX: These spells will send you'ses enemies to sleep wit' da fishes.

Tomb of Understanding: Burying someone in this tomb will increase their Wisdom score.

Disguise Elf; This illusion gives an elf the appearance of someone else.

Alter Elf: As Disguise Elf, but causes an actual physical change.

Farmian: These expansionist, insectile outsiders ruthlessly enslave all other creatures, forcing them to grow crops.

Groper: You don't want to run into this monster in the Underdark. Trust me.Usually found near a Bust Monster's lair.

Shydra: Too nervous to attack adventurers, these multi-headed creatures rarely leave their lairs.