World's Most Usless Spells
- Thread starter Ravilah
- Start date
![:]](http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png "Devious :]")
'o Skoteinos
First Post
Vurt said:
I posted that, however a lot of people contributed to that list. The post that started it was about Tasha's Hideous Daughter and how to change a little in a spell name to make it absurd. That list was the collection of what the community came up with.
For a really useless spell: Vipergout; 7th level, makes you spit vipers. For details check Player's Guide to Faerun. =D
TwilightWhisper
First Post
Bigby's Back Scratcher
Otilukes' Bubble Spray
Rary's Brain Fart Intensifier
Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Sneezing
Mordenkainens Malicious Meatball
Otilukes' Bubble Spray
Rary's Brain Fart Intensifier
Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Sneezing
Mordenkainens Malicious Meatball
Jondor_Battlehammer
First Post
Transmute Gold to Fool's Gold
Summon Halepeno Pepper
(One level higher, and it comes with a stick!
)
Summon Halepeno Pepper
(One level higher, and it comes with a stick!
)
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s/LaSH
First Post
Some spells that might have actually been developed, but are nevertheless esoteric and/or useless:
Breaking the Seven-Eyed Seal of Akranoth (level 6; a level 9 variant is quicker and safer to cast)
Originally designed to release foul Akranoth from its distant prison crafted by the Elder Lords of the Higher Dimensions. When cast with an hour-long ritual, it creates a swirling vortex that tunnels through the Seven-Eyed Seal, releasing horrible visions and unwelcome truths upon the caster over seven rounds, before finally opening a portal into Akranoth's prison. Unfortunately, someone already cast the spell and Akranoth's gone, leaving in his dark cavern prison the World's Biggest Couch, and it's not made for someone with your number of butts.
Passroof (level 4)
Similar to Passwall, only you have to aim it straight up. Hope you brought a ladder... the wizard who designed it wanted a skylight but, home insulation not being too good in his neck of the woods, wanted it to go away again afterwards.
Cloudkill B (level 4)
Kills clouds. Like control weather but much more limited - it causes the cloud to dissipate over the course of a minute, by parting, raining, rising higher in the air etc. Designed in the Druid War to take away a pesky source of lightning.
Adhere Flesh To Brass-Shod Oak (level 2)
Does what it says. An experimental mage designed it to keep his subjects on the operating table.
Wheat Product Inundation And Temperature Gradient I (cantrip)
In as many words, you get the ingredients, cast the spell, and it makes cooked bread. Version II (still a cantrip) makes cooked pasta instead. If you have enough ingredients, it can produce enough to fill a backpack. Designed for travelling in the wilderness when carrying water or soft foods was an unnecessary burden.
Scry Dame Julianna (level 2)
A very, very limited version of Scry: it scries the same person, who's been dead for 300 years and now resides in a run-down family tomb that everyone thinks is haunted. Needless to say, the designer of the spell was a little obsessed.
Jam (cantrip)
It affects up to an entire loaf of bread.
Hellfire My Foe (level 5)
This spell summons a bolt of coruscating plasma, hot enough to sear bone to ash, from the Lower Planes and sends it hurtling in a ray towards your intended victim. That's what the description in the book says, anyway. The person who wrote the spell is long dead and all copies are thought destroyed because of what happens next. You see, the victim isn't struck by the hellfire; it forms an arcane circle around him for one round, at a distance of about 5' (providing good protection), and then launches itself into the apex of the sky in an awesome pillar of fire. The victim is driven downwards by this reaction and takes 1d6 subdual damage. Ten minutes later, the hellfire returns to Earth, at the exact point where the red wyrm Tarnithas Khaal happens to be standing, and smacks into him, doing minimal damage but annoying the crap out of him. The wizard designer was Khaal's self-proclaimed eternal nemesis, and, knowing that the dragon would outlive her, designed this spell as a legacy. Khaal proceeded to make sure the wizard didn't outlive him, and destroyed every copy he could find before retiring to the wilderness. He'll be less than pleased if someone casts this thing today.
Synaesthetic Appreciation (level 2)
Range touch, duration 1 hour/level. The target of this spell gains pleasure from something unusual - watching paint dry, the writings of Dickens, the texture of raw (not cut) stone, prime numbers, or some other stimulus. The designer of this spell had already designed a concubine spell, and got bored, so he decided to alter his conciousness in such a way that he'd never be bored again. Apparently, the spell has other uses beyond transhuman thought processes.
Shrink Bamboo (level 3)
One 10' cube per level of bamboo shrinks to half its normal length for the duration of the spell. Large bamboo structures will collapse under the effect of this spell. This one's not from around here.
Yanthall's Idyll (level 2)
Nobody's ever quite figured out what this one does. It requires concentration and can be maintained for hours. People who cast it report differing reactions: most of them feel happy until it ends, then violently throw up and try to describe how horrible it was. Some merrily stick fingers into their ears or eyes or noses while under the effects, breaking concentration and causing serious damage to themselves. A few crawl under desks or chairs or try to bite people in the room on the head, but do so half-heartedly. Its first recorded source is a drow wizard's spellbook, but even that tome refers to it as an ancient and unpredictable enchantment.
Take heed: If you enter the cheat code in the video game Legacy Of Kain: Blood Omen 2, you get a voice quote for comfirmation. It's Simon Templeman saying, "Go, cheese!", and as Simon Templeman sounds seriously cool, it's something worth hearing.
Breaking the Seven-Eyed Seal of Akranoth (level 6; a level 9 variant is quicker and safer to cast)
Originally designed to release foul Akranoth from its distant prison crafted by the Elder Lords of the Higher Dimensions. When cast with an hour-long ritual, it creates a swirling vortex that tunnels through the Seven-Eyed Seal, releasing horrible visions and unwelcome truths upon the caster over seven rounds, before finally opening a portal into Akranoth's prison. Unfortunately, someone already cast the spell and Akranoth's gone, leaving in his dark cavern prison the World's Biggest Couch, and it's not made for someone with your number of butts.
Passroof (level 4)
Similar to Passwall, only you have to aim it straight up. Hope you brought a ladder... the wizard who designed it wanted a skylight but, home insulation not being too good in his neck of the woods, wanted it to go away again afterwards.
Cloudkill B (level 4)
Kills clouds. Like control weather but much more limited - it causes the cloud to dissipate over the course of a minute, by parting, raining, rising higher in the air etc. Designed in the Druid War to take away a pesky source of lightning.
Adhere Flesh To Brass-Shod Oak (level 2)
Does what it says. An experimental mage designed it to keep his subjects on the operating table.
Wheat Product Inundation And Temperature Gradient I (cantrip)
In as many words, you get the ingredients, cast the spell, and it makes cooked bread. Version II (still a cantrip) makes cooked pasta instead. If you have enough ingredients, it can produce enough to fill a backpack. Designed for travelling in the wilderness when carrying water or soft foods was an unnecessary burden.
Scry Dame Julianna (level 2)
A very, very limited version of Scry: it scries the same person, who's been dead for 300 years and now resides in a run-down family tomb that everyone thinks is haunted. Needless to say, the designer of the spell was a little obsessed.
Jam (cantrip)
It affects up to an entire loaf of bread.
Hellfire My Foe (level 5)
This spell summons a bolt of coruscating plasma, hot enough to sear bone to ash, from the Lower Planes and sends it hurtling in a ray towards your intended victim. That's what the description in the book says, anyway. The person who wrote the spell is long dead and all copies are thought destroyed because of what happens next. You see, the victim isn't struck by the hellfire; it forms an arcane circle around him for one round, at a distance of about 5' (providing good protection), and then launches itself into the apex of the sky in an awesome pillar of fire. The victim is driven downwards by this reaction and takes 1d6 subdual damage. Ten minutes later, the hellfire returns to Earth, at the exact point where the red wyrm Tarnithas Khaal happens to be standing, and smacks into him, doing minimal damage but annoying the crap out of him. The wizard designer was Khaal's self-proclaimed eternal nemesis, and, knowing that the dragon would outlive her, designed this spell as a legacy. Khaal proceeded to make sure the wizard didn't outlive him, and destroyed every copy he could find before retiring to the wilderness. He'll be less than pleased if someone casts this thing today.
Synaesthetic Appreciation (level 2)
Range touch, duration 1 hour/level. The target of this spell gains pleasure from something unusual - watching paint dry, the writings of Dickens, the texture of raw (not cut) stone, prime numbers, or some other stimulus. The designer of this spell had already designed a concubine spell, and got bored, so he decided to alter his conciousness in such a way that he'd never be bored again. Apparently, the spell has other uses beyond transhuman thought processes.
Shrink Bamboo (level 3)
One 10' cube per level of bamboo shrinks to half its normal length for the duration of the spell. Large bamboo structures will collapse under the effect of this spell. This one's not from around here.
Yanthall's Idyll (level 2)
Nobody's ever quite figured out what this one does. It requires concentration and can be maintained for hours. People who cast it report differing reactions: most of them feel happy until it ends, then violently throw up and try to describe how horrible it was. Some merrily stick fingers into their ears or eyes or noses while under the effects, breaking concentration and causing serious damage to themselves. A few crawl under desks or chairs or try to bite people in the room on the head, but do so half-heartedly. Its first recorded source is a drow wizard's spellbook, but even that tome refers to it as an ancient and unpredictable enchantment.
kirinke said:
Take heed: If you enter the cheat code in the video game Legacy Of Kain: Blood Omen 2, you get a voice quote for comfirmation. It's Simon Templeman saying, "Go, cheese!", and as Simon Templeman sounds seriously cool, it's something worth hearing.
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jmucchiello
Hero
As silly as some of these are, I cannot see contributing to this thread when one considers that Hornung's Guess is a real spell in a real TSR book (2e Tome of Magic). That is the most useless spell ever printed.
