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D&D General Write a 1 or 2 paragraph snippet of trashy romance novel involving an orc

I'm curious what an in-world version of a trashy Harlequin-like romance novel involving an Orc would be like. Ones written mainly for Human or Elven women, most likely of a romance between a Human/Elven female with an Orc male, but some could be romances of a Human/Elven male and an Orc female, or a Human/Elven male with an Orc male. I know there might be some version of something like this out their in some Amazon market. Just 1 or 2 paragraphs is all that's needed.
 

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Ancalagon

Dusty Dragon
I'm a terrible romance writer, but I can come up with good scenarios (I just can't write them down in a pleasing way, so I can't really help you). But I can offer this: I believe that this intro (not by me!) should be a wonderful stepping stone to a torrid love affair... Because do the adventurers have to kill the orc for the pie? Perhaps a... gentler... approach would yield the pie... and more!

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Perhaps not technically what was requested, but I can't help but feel that this would inevitably come up at some point:

 

I'm a terrible romance writer, but I can come up with good scenarios (I just can't write them down in a pleasing way, so I can't really help you). But I can offer this: I believe that this intro (not by me!) should be a wonderful stepping stone to a torrid love affair... Because do the adventurers have to kill the orc for the pie? Perhaps a... gentler... approach would yield the pie... and more!

View attachment 155180
Maybe it's between the Baker's daughter and an Orc mercenary.
 

Blue Orange

Gone to Texas
I doubt literacy levels would be high enough to make trashy romance novels a thing, even in a fantasy Middle Ages. More likely you'd have troubadours telling stories peasants would then embellish. Nonetheless, here goes. If this were rpg.net I'd be banned for sure...

The orc stood over the table, flexing his green biceps in a menacing fashion. She couldn't help notice how insanely muscular he was. So much more than all those wimpy excuses for manhood back in Waterdeep...

"Now, sweetie, come and give me that pie," she said as she began to weave her charm spell. "And maybe something a little extra..."

The orc charged at her before she could finish the spell and grabbed at her bodice, as she began to undo it in response. "Yes, my lovely green paramour," the sorceress said. Maybe she'd do better than pie this time. The orc's stubby green fingers rent her petticoat to shreds and moved over her heaving bosom as she moaned with pleasure, tweaking a nipple. "Harder! Harder!" she screamed as she felt his hot breath on her neck.

"Safeword?" he whispered.

"Ironwood," she whispered back heatedly.

The orc threw her over the table and entered her from behind as she moaned with pleasure. Oh, she had never felt anything like this... The pie fell to the floor and splattered in a white, gooey mess as the orc thrusted...



"And, yeah, that's how my parents met," the half-orc said. He flipped through his spellbook and looked at his tiefling schoolmate. "Yeah, I know Stinking Cloud. You know Misty Step?"
 
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Ancalagon

Dusty Dragon
I doubt literacy levels would be high enough to make trashy romance novels a thing, even in a fantasy Middle Ages. More likely you'd have troubadours telling stories peasants would then embellish. Nonetheless, here goes. If this were rpg.net I'd be banned for sure...

snip

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I'm ok with it, but what about Eric's Grandma? :O

that being said, I'm delighted you incorporated the pie :D :D :D
 

Here's an AI generated story about this theme:
The orc was different from the other orcs. He was trashy and romantic, always looking for a good fight and a good woman to sweep him off his feet. He was always in the bar, trying to pick up any female he could. He was self-absorbed and expected the women in the bar to be feminine and quiet, something that wasn’t my style.

He wasn’t the kind of guy you turned your back to, no matter how much he tried to make you feel otherwise.

I was having a bad day one day when he approached me. He had had quite a few drinks and was feeling very reckless.

“Do you want to go play in the water with me, big guy?”

“I don’t know…it’s pretty late.”

“What, we have to go to bed?”

“Yeah, but…”

I turned and looked at my friend, and he looked at me with a smile, then turned to the orc and said, “Well, come on.”

So the orc and I went to the bathroom, and I tried to act as casual as possible, looking around me as he took off his shirt and began to take off his pants.

I was way too drunk to do anything.

“Do you want to go outside, or do you want to sleep in here?”

“What, sleeping in here?! It’s our special place!”

I couldn’t tell if he was being playful, drunk, or stupid. I had no idea what he wanted.

“Do you want to see the stars?”

“Maybe later, I have to be up early for class.”

I managed to stumble my way out of the bathroom and went back to my friend.
 




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