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Wulf's Collected Story Hour -- FINAL UPDATE 12/25
- Thread starter Wulf Ratbane
- Start date
Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
Hmm... I left milk and cookies for the Story Hour gnomes, hoping they would write the update for me this weekend, but to no avail.
I'll have to do it myself today, I guess...
On the bright side, my shoes look fantastic.
Wulf
I'll have to do it myself today, I guess...
On the bright side, my shoes look fantastic.
Wulf
Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
LORD OF THE IRON FORTRESS-- Part V
“Did he say he was killin’ yer with yer own staff?” Wulf asked.
“Oh. Yes. That’s the staff I have been looking for my entire life,” said Keldas, the very picture of understatement.
“Well,” said Wulf, “We’re goin’ back, right?”
“Tomorrow,” said Keldas, and so it was agreed.
***
By the next day they were fully rested and Wulf was nearly squirming at the thought of all the heavy-duty spellpower that Keldas and Dorn would be bringing. Thus, he was more than a little surprised to find that Dorn had come prepared with a scrying for the day. “No sense goin’ in blind,” he reasoned.
Dorn cast his scrying and zeroed in on the dragon’s cave, near the spot where they’d arrived last time. The dragon himself was out of frame, but they were looking in instead at Rourmed and Engram. The priest and the wizard were themselves huddled over a mirror, and it took only a moment for Keldas to glance around and spot their scrying sensor.
Wulf could not help chuckling. “They see us, we see them… Fine. Let’s go!”
He rolled out his portable hole for the paladin.
“I’m not going in there,” Karak said.
“This is gettin’ old,” Wulf said. “I’m tired of yer bitchin’ but I’m more tired of arguing with yer. So we’ll do it yer way.”
They were forced to split up into two groups, since neither Keldas nor Karak alone could teleport the entire group.
They prepared with spells and on cue, Keldas teleported in with Dorn, and Karak did the same with Wulf.
At least, that was what was supposed to happen.
What happened instead was that Keldas and Dorn arrived in the dragon’s cave, alone, while Karak botched his teleport and sent himself and Wulf off into the featureless void of Acheron. Wulf had one hand hitched into Karak’s belt, but that didn’t stop him from smacking him around with the other. Karak tried his helm again.
Again, they were off target. With two of his three daily uses now wasted, Karak had just one teleport left. He lobbied hard to try one last time. “Keldas and Dorn are there all alone!”
“Then yer better start prayin’ that Keldas and Dorn have enough sense to leave, cause we are not headin’ in with no escape route. Take us home… arsehole.”
Meanwhile, as Wulf had hoped, it took only a moment for Keldas and Dorn to realize that they were alone. Fortunately, they had the drop on Engram and Rourmed. “Stay or go?” Keldas said.
Dorn briefly considered staying. Half of him expected the paladin to try again and actually get it right, and half of him thought he and Keldas could take it alone. In the end, he decided that neither supposition was very likely. “Home!” he said, hoping that Wulf had enough sense not to let the paladin teleport in without an escape route.
Before their enemies could act, Keldas cast teleport again. As he and Dorn were whisked away, they noted a contemptuous sneer on the faces of the priest and mage, their nemeses. “Leaving already?” they said.
They met up on the Acheron side of the gate back to Rigus, their agreed meeting place-- the only feature of the plane they were all comfortable with.
“Let’s go!” said Karak, as soon as they were all assembled.
“Nah, tomorrow,” Wulf said. “We’ll need your helm at full strength.”
“But the boy…” Karak started.
“Is still alive,” Wulf guessed, “and I reckon he’ll be so tomorrow.”
“But…”
“Go on then,” said Wulf. “But count me out.”
“Me too,” said Dorn. “I can always raise him later… If there’s anything of him left.”
Karak looked ready to cry.
“You know, worst case scenario…” Dorn suggested.
***
Wulf and Karak took turns watching throughout the night while Keldas and Dorn recovered the few spells they’d used in their botched attempt. Wulf was up bright and early. He had the portable hole all ready for the paladin.
Karak balked again. “I already told you, I am not going in there again.”
“Get in the hole!” Wulf shouted.
“No.”
“You do realize you are doubling the chances of something going wrong?” said Dorn.
“It’s only a very small chance…”
“GET IN THE GODDAMN HOLE!” Wulf yelled again.
“No.”
Wulf was done shouting. Now, he merely stared at the paladin, and somehow, something in his demeanor must have finally impressed upon the paladin that today was a killing day.
Karak got in the hole.
Dorn reached in and plucked the helm of teleportation off his head. “Thank you.”
Keldas and Dorn cast their preparatory spells, Wulf rolled up the hole, and they were off:
Dorn nailed it on the first try. They teleported in and landed literally toe-to-toe with their enemies.
***
Wulf was the first to act. He was standing within arm’s reach of Engram, and though he was sorely tempted to hack him open in one shot, he stuck true to the plan and unrolled the portable hole. But Engram must have seen the glimmer in Wulf’s eye, for despite the fact that he was the next to act, he took the opportunity to skitter back away from Wulf.
Dorn had gained his bearings and showed with his opening salvo that he wasn’t playing around. He cast destruction on Engram, and for one brief moment it looked as if the mage would be completely obliterated. Somehow, he held himself together, but the damage from the destruction wracked his frail frame hideously.
Keldas took one look at the blue bull dragon and with a flick of his wrist, it was gone.
While Rourmed’s dwarven bodyguard fired at them with his crossbow, the half-orc barbarian rushed at them from across the cave, frothing and bellowing as he charged directly at Wulf in another attempt to intimidate him. Wulf was, again, staggeringly unimpressed.
Rourmed was up and acting now, and the group felt a sickening lurch as an unholy aura descended over all of them. Wulf quickly decided that Rourmed was probably a greater threat than Engram, and he tumbled over to the priest’s flank, waiting for an opportunity. He was too quick for the half-orc but Rourmed was ready with his weapon. He cracked Wulf solidly across the back as he tumbled into position. There was unholy power in his morningstar, and Wulf was painfully reminded that as far as such things went, he was counted among the “good guys.”
Engram was standing in the clear and he cast haste to better deal with his foes. Wulf recognized the spell but before he could wonder what unpleasantness would follow, Keldas had counterspelled the haste and Engram was left hanging out to dry. Dorn pounded him with a flame strike and Engram was blasted to cinders. Dorn was clearly surprised that the wizard had died so easily, but he merely shrugged and jogged over to flank Rourmed with Wulf.
Wulf drew a second weapon and hacked away at Rourmed in a hasted blur; still, Rourmed kept his feet. Wulf hadn’t expected to drop him too quickly, but the damage done was enough for Keldas: he cast power word, stun and Rourmed was toast. It was a simple matter for Dorn to finish him off.
The crossbow-wielding dwarf had seen enough. He took off running, leaving only the half-orc for the party to deal with. He charged Wulf again, landing a solid blow, but Wulf merely chuckled; the half-orc had run right into a threshing machine. Wulf chopped and slashed with glee, but the half-orc didn’t drop.
In fact, he responded with a frenzied flurry of his own that left Wulf very nearly dead. “Little help here!” Wulf shouted.
Keldas was busy recovering his staff from Engram’s remains, but Karak came to Wulf’s aid. He charged the half-orc from behind. Six inches of longsword came bursting through his chest from the back way, but still the half-orc kept fighting.
Keldas tried hold monster to no avail; a bolt of conjuring sizzled his skin but did little to deter him. Wulf and Karak landed some half a dozen telling blows between them, and the little celestial badger summoned by Keldas’ bolt even lent a hand, scratching feebly at the berseker’s shins.
“He’s a frenzied berserker!” Wulf said. He’d seen battleragers among his own people who boasted similar fortitude. “He’s not going down while he’s raging…”
Dorn nodded and tried a simple command. “Relax!” he said, hoping to end the rage. It was useless. The half-orc had a will of iron. Dorn hacked away with his great-axe. It, too, was useless.
“How much can he TAKE?” Wulf shouted, frustrated. “Somebody please kill this bastard before he kills me…”
“One way or another, you better kill him soon,” Keldas said. He cast another hold spell and, miraculously, it worked.
Dorn wasted no time. He was ready to take off after the dwarf who had run away. “Let him go,” said Wulf.
“Yes, do,” said Keldas. “We’re going to need you here any minute now.”
“Why?” asked Karak. His question was answered as the blue dragon suddenly reappeared. It looked very, very angry.
“AH!” the paladin yelled. Almost by instinct, he smited the dragon.
The dragon’s heaved its haunches and breathed a bolt of lightning across Karak and Dorn. Keldas, non-plussed, cast a dispel on the dragon to drop any protections it might have cast while it was trapped within his previous maze spell.
Karak ducked around the dragon, narrowly avoiding a tail slap from the mighty beast. He stabbed at its left flank while Wulf did his best to flay it alive from the right.
The dragon looked like he had a little more fight in him, but he was no fool. He took to flight and sailed out of the cavern with amazing aerial agility for such a large beast. Keldas and Dorn both gave chase, but despite Keldas’ attempt to disintegrate it and Dorn’s incessant flame strikes, the dragon’s spell resistance and flight speed soon carried it out of harm’s way.
Wulf had followed them out to watch the brief pursuit from the cave mouth. He returned with Dorn and Keldas to find Karak ministering to the boy.
The boy looked sorely wounded. Karak cast heal mount and, to everyone’s surprise, all of his wounds were healed.
“So now he’s your servant?” Dorn asked.
“I haven’t got that far with him yet.” Karak said.
“So… what are we talkin’ then?” Wulf asked. “First base? Second base?”
“He is a dragon,” Karak explained. “His name is Azimuth.”
Wulf snickered. “Whatever. Let’s loot these bodies and head back to Rigus to sell it.”
They shoveled the dragon’s hoard and the corpses into the portable hole. Karak noted a few pearls as they slipped into the hole and he spoke up.
“Can I have some pearls for the dragon?”
“What for?”
“He just… likes pearls.”
“Hm. Ok. So yer’d like to give him a nice pearl necklace then?”
“Well, I am sure he would like a share.”
Dorn had a fine ear for the sound of coin being drained out of his own pockets, and now he stepped into the conversation. “What exactly is the fair share for allowing yourself to be rescued?”
Karak was oblivious to the sarcasm. “Well, I think he deserves a half share, just like Alliane.”
“He’s a mount,” Wulf said, nearly stunned at the paladin’s twisted logic. “So if I ride a pony, he gets a half share?”
“He’s an intelligent mount,” Karak insisted, thinking he’d won the argument.
“So’s ol’ Bill,” Wulf said, “He can count to three!”
“Did he say he was killin’ yer with yer own staff?” Wulf asked.
“Oh. Yes. That’s the staff I have been looking for my entire life,” said Keldas, the very picture of understatement.
“Well,” said Wulf, “We’re goin’ back, right?”
“Tomorrow,” said Keldas, and so it was agreed.
***
By the next day they were fully rested and Wulf was nearly squirming at the thought of all the heavy-duty spellpower that Keldas and Dorn would be bringing. Thus, he was more than a little surprised to find that Dorn had come prepared with a scrying for the day. “No sense goin’ in blind,” he reasoned.
Dorn cast his scrying and zeroed in on the dragon’s cave, near the spot where they’d arrived last time. The dragon himself was out of frame, but they were looking in instead at Rourmed and Engram. The priest and the wizard were themselves huddled over a mirror, and it took only a moment for Keldas to glance around and spot their scrying sensor.
Wulf could not help chuckling. “They see us, we see them… Fine. Let’s go!”
He rolled out his portable hole for the paladin.
“I’m not going in there,” Karak said.
“This is gettin’ old,” Wulf said. “I’m tired of yer bitchin’ but I’m more tired of arguing with yer. So we’ll do it yer way.”
They were forced to split up into two groups, since neither Keldas nor Karak alone could teleport the entire group.
They prepared with spells and on cue, Keldas teleported in with Dorn, and Karak did the same with Wulf.
At least, that was what was supposed to happen.
What happened instead was that Keldas and Dorn arrived in the dragon’s cave, alone, while Karak botched his teleport and sent himself and Wulf off into the featureless void of Acheron. Wulf had one hand hitched into Karak’s belt, but that didn’t stop him from smacking him around with the other. Karak tried his helm again.
Again, they were off target. With two of his three daily uses now wasted, Karak had just one teleport left. He lobbied hard to try one last time. “Keldas and Dorn are there all alone!”
“Then yer better start prayin’ that Keldas and Dorn have enough sense to leave, cause we are not headin’ in with no escape route. Take us home… arsehole.”
Meanwhile, as Wulf had hoped, it took only a moment for Keldas and Dorn to realize that they were alone. Fortunately, they had the drop on Engram and Rourmed. “Stay or go?” Keldas said.
Dorn briefly considered staying. Half of him expected the paladin to try again and actually get it right, and half of him thought he and Keldas could take it alone. In the end, he decided that neither supposition was very likely. “Home!” he said, hoping that Wulf had enough sense not to let the paladin teleport in without an escape route.
Before their enemies could act, Keldas cast teleport again. As he and Dorn were whisked away, they noted a contemptuous sneer on the faces of the priest and mage, their nemeses. “Leaving already?” they said.
They met up on the Acheron side of the gate back to Rigus, their agreed meeting place-- the only feature of the plane they were all comfortable with.
“Let’s go!” said Karak, as soon as they were all assembled.
“Nah, tomorrow,” Wulf said. “We’ll need your helm at full strength.”
“But the boy…” Karak started.
“Is still alive,” Wulf guessed, “and I reckon he’ll be so tomorrow.”
“But…”
“Go on then,” said Wulf. “But count me out.”
“Me too,” said Dorn. “I can always raise him later… If there’s anything of him left.”
Karak looked ready to cry.
“You know, worst case scenario…” Dorn suggested.
***
Wulf and Karak took turns watching throughout the night while Keldas and Dorn recovered the few spells they’d used in their botched attempt. Wulf was up bright and early. He had the portable hole all ready for the paladin.
Karak balked again. “I already told you, I am not going in there again.”
“Get in the hole!” Wulf shouted.
“No.”
“You do realize you are doubling the chances of something going wrong?” said Dorn.
“It’s only a very small chance…”
“GET IN THE GODDAMN HOLE!” Wulf yelled again.
“No.”
Wulf was done shouting. Now, he merely stared at the paladin, and somehow, something in his demeanor must have finally impressed upon the paladin that today was a killing day.
Karak got in the hole.
Dorn reached in and plucked the helm of teleportation off his head. “Thank you.”
Keldas and Dorn cast their preparatory spells, Wulf rolled up the hole, and they were off:
Dorn nailed it on the first try. They teleported in and landed literally toe-to-toe with their enemies.
***
Wulf was the first to act. He was standing within arm’s reach of Engram, and though he was sorely tempted to hack him open in one shot, he stuck true to the plan and unrolled the portable hole. But Engram must have seen the glimmer in Wulf’s eye, for despite the fact that he was the next to act, he took the opportunity to skitter back away from Wulf.
Dorn had gained his bearings and showed with his opening salvo that he wasn’t playing around. He cast destruction on Engram, and for one brief moment it looked as if the mage would be completely obliterated. Somehow, he held himself together, but the damage from the destruction wracked his frail frame hideously.
Keldas took one look at the blue bull dragon and with a flick of his wrist, it was gone.
While Rourmed’s dwarven bodyguard fired at them with his crossbow, the half-orc barbarian rushed at them from across the cave, frothing and bellowing as he charged directly at Wulf in another attempt to intimidate him. Wulf was, again, staggeringly unimpressed.
Rourmed was up and acting now, and the group felt a sickening lurch as an unholy aura descended over all of them. Wulf quickly decided that Rourmed was probably a greater threat than Engram, and he tumbled over to the priest’s flank, waiting for an opportunity. He was too quick for the half-orc but Rourmed was ready with his weapon. He cracked Wulf solidly across the back as he tumbled into position. There was unholy power in his morningstar, and Wulf was painfully reminded that as far as such things went, he was counted among the “good guys.”
Engram was standing in the clear and he cast haste to better deal with his foes. Wulf recognized the spell but before he could wonder what unpleasantness would follow, Keldas had counterspelled the haste and Engram was left hanging out to dry. Dorn pounded him with a flame strike and Engram was blasted to cinders. Dorn was clearly surprised that the wizard had died so easily, but he merely shrugged and jogged over to flank Rourmed with Wulf.
Wulf drew a second weapon and hacked away at Rourmed in a hasted blur; still, Rourmed kept his feet. Wulf hadn’t expected to drop him too quickly, but the damage done was enough for Keldas: he cast power word, stun and Rourmed was toast. It was a simple matter for Dorn to finish him off.
The crossbow-wielding dwarf had seen enough. He took off running, leaving only the half-orc for the party to deal with. He charged Wulf again, landing a solid blow, but Wulf merely chuckled; the half-orc had run right into a threshing machine. Wulf chopped and slashed with glee, but the half-orc didn’t drop.
In fact, he responded with a frenzied flurry of his own that left Wulf very nearly dead. “Little help here!” Wulf shouted.
Keldas was busy recovering his staff from Engram’s remains, but Karak came to Wulf’s aid. He charged the half-orc from behind. Six inches of longsword came bursting through his chest from the back way, but still the half-orc kept fighting.
Keldas tried hold monster to no avail; a bolt of conjuring sizzled his skin but did little to deter him. Wulf and Karak landed some half a dozen telling blows between them, and the little celestial badger summoned by Keldas’ bolt even lent a hand, scratching feebly at the berseker’s shins.
“He’s a frenzied berserker!” Wulf said. He’d seen battleragers among his own people who boasted similar fortitude. “He’s not going down while he’s raging…”
Dorn nodded and tried a simple command. “Relax!” he said, hoping to end the rage. It was useless. The half-orc had a will of iron. Dorn hacked away with his great-axe. It, too, was useless.
“How much can he TAKE?” Wulf shouted, frustrated. “Somebody please kill this bastard before he kills me…”
“One way or another, you better kill him soon,” Keldas said. He cast another hold spell and, miraculously, it worked.
Dorn wasted no time. He was ready to take off after the dwarf who had run away. “Let him go,” said Wulf.
“Yes, do,” said Keldas. “We’re going to need you here any minute now.”
“Why?” asked Karak. His question was answered as the blue dragon suddenly reappeared. It looked very, very angry.
“AH!” the paladin yelled. Almost by instinct, he smited the dragon.
The dragon’s heaved its haunches and breathed a bolt of lightning across Karak and Dorn. Keldas, non-plussed, cast a dispel on the dragon to drop any protections it might have cast while it was trapped within his previous maze spell.
Karak ducked around the dragon, narrowly avoiding a tail slap from the mighty beast. He stabbed at its left flank while Wulf did his best to flay it alive from the right.
The dragon looked like he had a little more fight in him, but he was no fool. He took to flight and sailed out of the cavern with amazing aerial agility for such a large beast. Keldas and Dorn both gave chase, but despite Keldas’ attempt to disintegrate it and Dorn’s incessant flame strikes, the dragon’s spell resistance and flight speed soon carried it out of harm’s way.
Wulf had followed them out to watch the brief pursuit from the cave mouth. He returned with Dorn and Keldas to find Karak ministering to the boy.
The boy looked sorely wounded. Karak cast heal mount and, to everyone’s surprise, all of his wounds were healed.
“So now he’s your servant?” Dorn asked.
“I haven’t got that far with him yet.” Karak said.
“So… what are we talkin’ then?” Wulf asked. “First base? Second base?”
“He is a dragon,” Karak explained. “His name is Azimuth.”
Wulf snickered. “Whatever. Let’s loot these bodies and head back to Rigus to sell it.”
They shoveled the dragon’s hoard and the corpses into the portable hole. Karak noted a few pearls as they slipped into the hole and he spoke up.
“Can I have some pearls for the dragon?”
“What for?”
“He just… likes pearls.”
“Hm. Ok. So yer’d like to give him a nice pearl necklace then?”
“Well, I am sure he would like a share.”
Dorn had a fine ear for the sound of coin being drained out of his own pockets, and now he stepped into the conversation. “What exactly is the fair share for allowing yourself to be rescued?”
Karak was oblivious to the sarcasm. “Well, I think he deserves a half share, just like Alliane.”
“He’s a mount,” Wulf said, nearly stunned at the paladin’s twisted logic. “So if I ride a pony, he gets a half share?”
“He’s an intelligent mount,” Karak insisted, thinking he’d won the argument.
“So’s ol’ Bill,” Wulf said, “He can count to three!”
drnuncheon
Explorer
Ow. OK, I'm probably going to get jumped for taking the peck...er...paladin's side, but I can see where he's coming from. If you guys had a dragon join the party as a cohort, I doubt any of you would blink twice at the idea of giving him a share of the treasure, even if he let someone ride him - so saying he doesn't get any because "he's a mount" seems a little strange.
On the other hand, Dorn's argument - "What exactly is the fair share for allowing yourself to be rescued?" - pretty much sums up the lack of logic in this particular request. Maybe if Karak had kept his mouth shut and then asked for a share after the dragon/kid had actually done something worthwhile, he'd have gotten a better response...
...nah, this is Wulf we're talking about.
J
On the other hand, Dorn's argument - "What exactly is the fair share for allowing yourself to be rescued?" - pretty much sums up the lack of logic in this particular request. Maybe if Karak had kept his mouth shut and then asked for a share after the dragon/kid had actually done something worthwhile, he'd have gotten a better response...
...nah, this is Wulf we're talking about.
J
Jeremy
Explorer
Re: LORD OF THE IRON FORTRESS-- Part V
What!?
*snip* You knew it would be. Sorry. -Dinkeldog
Er, excuse me, that was highly inflamatory and just not right. At least you know it is. The actions of a few do not represent the tendancies of the many.
He isn't is he? No, he's not.
Erg, sorry, just slipped out.
Gotta love Maze spells. I can only imagine how cocky the baddies must have been to choose the same battlefield 3 (4?) days in a row and not modify it or find someway to work it to their advantange.
"Ok, you mage, you stay on the ledge away from me. I'll be over here so we can both rain down our fire power on where ever they pop up."
"You, dragon, your job is to get infront of where ever they are with Drooler here and stop that damn dwarf from hacking my shins up. And the second that elf begins making twinkle fingers, breathe on him. That'll get his attention."
"You, crossbow boy, you keep yourself ready to take potshots at the first person you see making twinkle fingers. If any one of us should fall, you put the crossbow to the head of the little boy. We know he can take it, but they don't. Maybe we can bluff our way outta this until we can find another axiomatic dire lion den."
"Everyone got it? Good. To your ---*poof*----places?"
*The dragon gets Mazed.*
"Ah hell."
Wulf Ratbane said:
What!?
*snip* You knew it would be. Sorry. -Dinkeldog
Er, excuse me, that was highly inflamatory and just not right. At least you know it is. The actions of a few do not represent the tendancies of the many.
He isn't is he? No, he's not.
Erg, sorry, just slipped out.
Gotta love Maze spells. I can only imagine how cocky the baddies must have been to choose the same battlefield 3 (4?) days in a row and not modify it or find someway to work it to their advantange.
"Ok, you mage, you stay on the ledge away from me. I'll be over here so we can both rain down our fire power on where ever they pop up."
"You, dragon, your job is to get infront of where ever they are with Drooler here and stop that damn dwarf from hacking my shins up. And the second that elf begins making twinkle fingers, breathe on him. That'll get his attention."
"You, crossbow boy, you keep yourself ready to take potshots at the first person you see making twinkle fingers. If any one of us should fall, you put the crossbow to the head of the little boy. We know he can take it, but they don't. Maybe we can bluff our way outta this until we can find another axiomatic dire lion den."
"Everyone got it? Good. To your ---*poof*----places?"
*The dragon gets Mazed.*
"Ah hell."
Last edited by a moderator:
Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
Yeah, this was pretty much the last time anybody at the table, DM or player, was happy with the old scry-teleport routine we had fallen into. It gets a little better once we get into the Fortress proper.
Well, ok, there is ONE more scry-teleport in the next episode.
As far as "the paladin and his boy" goes, the Story Hour is heavily edited from what was actually said at table. Eric's gran and all...
Wulf
Well, ok, there is ONE more scry-teleport in the next episode.
As far as "the paladin and his boy" goes, the Story Hour is heavily edited from what was actually said at table. Eric's gran and all...
Wulf
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