TheEvil said:
There is a moral obligation to speak up. There even may be a moral obligation to alert the husband. You have to bear in mind that in many of these cases, the messenger gets shot for his trouble. Certainly I would want to know if my wife was cheating on me. I would not, however, envy the friend who found out and had to figure out it I was going to get mad at them or not (I wouldn't).
You're right. But I am willing to risk losing a good friend to
be a good friend. I think it's safe to say we all care about our friends. In this case, that care would drive me to be the best possible friend I could. And that means braving the danger and doing right by my friend. If I puss out and don't tell my friend the truth, then I'm not his friend at all, and he'll know it if he ever learns what I did.
The husband should definately know, but it should be his wife who tells him. If they are to have any chance to patch it up, she needs to be the one to fess up. Until you talk to her and see what happens, it is really impossible to say what the appropriate next step is.
I guess in this sense, I'm the one being a coward. I cannot help but envision a "You tell him, or
I will," scene as incredibly messy. It strikes me as easier to simply tell the husband, and be done with it. But I suppose that you're right. If there is a chance that she'll go to her husband, fess up, and work things out, then that is ultimately what's best for him. So perhaps tell her that she really should tell her husband, but leave out the ultimatum. If after a few weeks she hasn't told him, then do so yourself?
Umbran said:
And, as before, have proof. Don't dare start on the basis of "your good word".
I'm his friend, not his P.I. If he doesn't believe me (which perhaps he won't,) then he can hire a P.I. himself, though to be honest I don't think that'd be necessary. Once it's brought out into the open it should be rather easy for him to find out on his own.
As his friend, my word should carry a certain weight, even if he doesn't want to accept what I'm telling him.
fusangite said:
That would be inappropriate, in my view.
If your wife were cheating on you, and a friend of yours found out, are you honestly telling me it wouldn't be his place to tell you?