Ceramic DM Winter 07 (Final Judgment Posted)
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
yangnome said:
You know, I do think his dabbling with imps and gnophs and Lady Death (oh my!) have something to do with his ENWorld access problem. I'm just sayin'...
yangnome
First Post
First, I want to thank all competitors that participated in this Ceramic DM competition. In my opinion, this season has brought some of the best stories we’ve seen and definitely some of the tightest matches in CDM history. That speaks a lot for the people writing here. You managed to stick with us for more than a month, and pushed to meet the tight deadlines and cram together some difficult pictures.
Without any further ado, here is the final judgment:
Orchid Blossom:
One of the fun things about Ceramic DM is how different the two stories can come out. I wonder if it’s a function of using artwork, or just a coincidence that this time both authors gave us stories that revolve around children.
carpedavid – The Short Story of Esmeralda Santiago
This is a sweet story, but it just didn’t seem to quite strike the notes you were shooting for. The story didn’t feel like it resolved. A story that reads like a fairy tale or a fable begs for a lesson to be learned. There are two in this story, but the end left me in doubt as to which one was supposed to be learned. One is how a child can deal with the death of another child, and the other is learning to take the possibilities of fairy-land with us as we grow and remember how extraordinary our ordinary world is.
There are a couple lovely turns of phrase near the beginning, and I would have liked to see more of them throughout. Although this is our world, in Esmeralda’s eyes it’s a fantastic place, and since the story is from her point of view it would be nice to hear it described in lush, visual language to emphasize just how different things are to her.
I was a bit confused by the comments about Esmeralda’s mother. The first we hear about her is that she is away a lot, leading us to think that Esmeralda is probably lonely a good deal of the time, thus her attachment to Luna. But just a little further down the page we hear that she has a nickname only her mother and Luna can use, and her mother later breaks the news about Luna to her. In a longer story there would be time to develop that dichotomy, but here it made me expect more about her mother in the story.
I can see that two of the pictures really drove the story: the one that you used for a specter with the cradle, and the one of the little girl by the pond. The one of the girl in the moon was there as well, but it drove how Luna fit into Esmeralda’s fairy-land rather than her place in the story.
The picture with the monkeys was the weakest. The scene felt like it was there only to get the picture included in the story.
Rodrigo Istalindir
This story carries the feeling of a mythical fable very well. There’s only two things I’m going to mention, as there were only two things that either felt a bit out of place or made me stop and have to try to fit them in.
One was the meta-story if you will, the father telling the story to his daughter. He tells her she had a big day tomorrow, but we never know what the big day is. If the main theme of the story had been the love of adoptive parents, then the ending especially would have made more sense to me. I get the feeling that there was supposed to be something implied about the father and daughter, but it wasn’t strong enough for me to be sure it was intended, or if I was imagining it.
The other part that rang a little strange for me was the man, Graves. I kept wondering who or what he was in order to have the same abilities as Haley. It was also a dramatic change in tone that threw me off. I can see every reason for the scene, why it’s there, why something bad has to happen to send Haley back to Will and Sarah. But still, it seems off. Maybe it just should seem off. It’s something ugly and perhaps the reader should feel like it doesn’t belong.
All the pictures fit in, but none of them really stood out to me. The monkey picture was the most cleverly used, and I’m glad the picture wasn’t the first we saw of them, although I have to wonder where Haley was living that there were monkeys around. The one with the cradle seemed a bit off. If I were going to illustrate a picture of a woman who was grieving because she couldn’t have children, it wouldn’t look like the one provided. Haley is otherworldly, but Sarah and Will aren’t, and the picture has an otherworldly quality about it.
These stories are very equally matched, so for me it’s coming down to picture use. That sends it to carpedavid, where the pictures really drove the story for me.
Herremann:
Final
carpedavid vs. Rodrigo Istalindir
And so it finishes as it began, with the long walk down to the back of the yard with a horrendously huge scythe in hand. 'Lady Death' was abuzz as was I for the final to one of the strongest Ceramic DMs I have seen. Rodrigo Istalindir and carpedavid have fought their way through some horrendously tough matches to get to this final and as I walked into the dark court under the massive elm, everything and everyone was eagerly waiting for the final judgment to begin. One competitor would survive the scythe's attention while the other would be cut down, smote by her hunger. And hungry she was!
The altar had been freshly cleaned, rubbed down with the skin of a demon until its surface gleamed with the dulled glow of polished granite. I tapped 'Lady Death' gently to begin the march of the two court imps, everyone's attention on their careful forms. Dressed in royal crimson and gold for the final they each held a scroll of carefully prepared parchment from the skins of several nymph maidens. I bowed to them as I accepted the final two offerings of the competition, nodded to the court and began.
"Dark Court, we are gathered here this evening to perform the final Judgment between carpedavid and Rodrigo Istalindir. For the final time, you the judging imps must decide between them; to decide the ultimate victor and who would become 'Lady Death's final meal before being returned to her usual occupation. Both contestants have provided suitable offerings to be considered so let's now dissect them in finest detail to judge who truly has earned dominion over his fellow competitors."
"carpedavid has given us The Short Story of Esmeralda Santiago. Beginning in Esmeralda's fantasy world of wonder and whimsy, we soon start to see that all is not well as this world of make-believe and nonsense slowly begins to unravel with Luna's illness. I found the disjunction between the two worlds fascinating, becoming thoroughly entranced by the mood and feel.
Rodrigo has gone for the bedtime fable approach for his piece that works with a similar feel and mix of fantasy and whimsy. Is there something deeper here?
After numerous re-readings I have come to the final conclusion that I could not find the golden thread and so could only judge this piece on face value. A good story never-the-less."
"Good jury, I'm sure you have had as much difficulty as I distinguishing between the story, style and presentation of these two offerings. I can give you no clue but to say I enjoyed both. What say you?"
The imps animated by their own perquisites and peculiarities eventually came to a position of 11 imps to 11 in a draw. Damn... I forgot about that whole even/odd thing with the imps. How remiss of me! Perhaps I would have opportunity to cull the judging panel later on? I tapped 'Lady Death' in acknowledgement of their initial position for the match.
"Now imps of the jury, I hate to say it but with the Gnopf in orbit and the curious absence of our fey presenter of the previous match, I have had to resort to the mundane." I quickly put up the six posters I had created from the images on the thread. I thought Sialia would be impressed by the impromptu infernal gallery set up in my backyard as the dark court oooh'd and aaah'd over the pictures.
"And so here we have the images for our viewing. Now unlike previous judgments I will have to confine the examination of these images to but a single vote. 'Lady Death' informs me that brevity is of the utmost importance. She is hungry for her final meal and so cannot wait for a series of six dissections and votes. As such I will guide you on the performance good imps of each of the submissions in this regard and then the final decision will belong to you."
"carpedavid has I believe taken the images as a whole to heart, taking the almost whimsical style of Sialia's five contributions as a guide and foundation for the wonderful inner world of Esmeralda. Rodrigo has with the majority of the images attempted a more literal approach although I believe special mention is deserved for the melding of the moon baby image and deathly cot. At first, I thought image three was totally missing as I could not find it anywhere in the text. [Unfortunately, my access to En World has once more evaporated so I am missing any possible links or special formatting that may have been used]. I then realized (or guessed more like it) of this curious symbiosis of grief from image six then joyous rapture from image three of the peacefully sleeping gift from the heavens. At first I was thinking 'what has Rodrigo done!' but with numerous readings, I believe this is the way that these two images have been curiously mixed together. Something I have not seen done before in quite this way. In the end, I thought both contestants navigated these images with aplomb"
"So the question becomes how to split the two contestants. Both works were well conceived from an incredibly difficult array of diverse images. Imps, I leave it to you to decide."
The imps of the jury moved carefully trying to sense the general consensus but this only confused and befuddled them further. Several imps then began bellowing infernal instructions that led to several outbursts of violence. I almost intervened but preferred to let them finish things off - with any luck, the number of imps would be reduced by an odd number, ruling out the embarrassment of a draw. In fact the more I thought about it, the more I thought how appropriate a draw would be. I then clanged the scythe into the altar with percussive impact. The imps had settled down into two neat piles that were... unevenly balanced. A quick count revealed...
Carpedavid victorious with twelve imps to Rodrigo's ten. I have no idea How the imps managed to settle this but such is the whimsy I suppose of your average imp.
Congratulations to both competitors for a thoroughly enjoyable time. I have very much enjoyed all of your stories over the last month and a bit and so congratulations!!! As for the eventual loser, I believe you should expect a visit soon from a scythe most hungry.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Yangnome:
Carpedavid-
Now, let’s get down to this round. Carpedavid gives us a surprisingly dark story about a child battling to defend her imagination against the harsh realities of the real world. When I started reading the first part, I thought What is this guy doing, this is so disjointed, was he really that pressed for time?, then Luna opens the shutters to the real world and kicks us in the gut. It became clear that we had been looking at the world through Da’s eyes.
You weaved a really strong tale that had a lot of emotional punch. You seemed to integrate the pictures into your story really well too, with real imaginative use. If I have only one criticism, it is in the arrangement of the story. I don’t really see the purpose in the flashbacks in the timeline. I could be wrong here, but I think the story might have been stronger had you told it sequentially.
Rodrigo-
You offer us a fun fairytale, a story a father is telling his adopted daughter. The story of the love between the sun and the moon seems very familiar, and it is easy to be captured brought into the tale.
I think your picture use was also pretty strong, though you seemed to interpret the pictures pretty literally. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though with more difficult pictures it can be jarring. I didn’t see a reference to picture 3 in your story, but I think I found the place in the story where it should have been. Looking at the picture, it definitely seemed to have a large impact on your overall story.
If there is a weakness here, I think that it is the framing of your story. While I think the revelation that the father is reading to his adopted daughter, I don’t think it provides a large enough *thump* to justify putting it in the story. I think the fairytale is strong enough to stand on its own without it.
This decision is a hard one for me. I really feel that either story could have won this round. Both contestants provided excellent stories and both made good use of the pictures provided. For me, the decision has to come down to personal preference. In that respect, I feel that Carpedavid’s story moved me more on an emotional level.
Carpedavid wins this round with a 3-0 decision that probably doesn’t accurately demonstrate how close this match was. Congrats to both of you for providing some excellent stories.
Without any further ado, here is the final judgment:
Orchid Blossom:
One of the fun things about Ceramic DM is how different the two stories can come out. I wonder if it’s a function of using artwork, or just a coincidence that this time both authors gave us stories that revolve around children.
carpedavid – The Short Story of Esmeralda Santiago
This is a sweet story, but it just didn’t seem to quite strike the notes you were shooting for. The story didn’t feel like it resolved. A story that reads like a fairy tale or a fable begs for a lesson to be learned. There are two in this story, but the end left me in doubt as to which one was supposed to be learned. One is how a child can deal with the death of another child, and the other is learning to take the possibilities of fairy-land with us as we grow and remember how extraordinary our ordinary world is.
There are a couple lovely turns of phrase near the beginning, and I would have liked to see more of them throughout. Although this is our world, in Esmeralda’s eyes it’s a fantastic place, and since the story is from her point of view it would be nice to hear it described in lush, visual language to emphasize just how different things are to her.
I was a bit confused by the comments about Esmeralda’s mother. The first we hear about her is that she is away a lot, leading us to think that Esmeralda is probably lonely a good deal of the time, thus her attachment to Luna. But just a little further down the page we hear that she has a nickname only her mother and Luna can use, and her mother later breaks the news about Luna to her. In a longer story there would be time to develop that dichotomy, but here it made me expect more about her mother in the story.
I can see that two of the pictures really drove the story: the one that you used for a specter with the cradle, and the one of the little girl by the pond. The one of the girl in the moon was there as well, but it drove how Luna fit into Esmeralda’s fairy-land rather than her place in the story.
The picture with the monkeys was the weakest. The scene felt like it was there only to get the picture included in the story.
Rodrigo Istalindir
This story carries the feeling of a mythical fable very well. There’s only two things I’m going to mention, as there were only two things that either felt a bit out of place or made me stop and have to try to fit them in.
One was the meta-story if you will, the father telling the story to his daughter. He tells her she had a big day tomorrow, but we never know what the big day is. If the main theme of the story had been the love of adoptive parents, then the ending especially would have made more sense to me. I get the feeling that there was supposed to be something implied about the father and daughter, but it wasn’t strong enough for me to be sure it was intended, or if I was imagining it.
The other part that rang a little strange for me was the man, Graves. I kept wondering who or what he was in order to have the same abilities as Haley. It was also a dramatic change in tone that threw me off. I can see every reason for the scene, why it’s there, why something bad has to happen to send Haley back to Will and Sarah. But still, it seems off. Maybe it just should seem off. It’s something ugly and perhaps the reader should feel like it doesn’t belong.
All the pictures fit in, but none of them really stood out to me. The monkey picture was the most cleverly used, and I’m glad the picture wasn’t the first we saw of them, although I have to wonder where Haley was living that there were monkeys around. The one with the cradle seemed a bit off. If I were going to illustrate a picture of a woman who was grieving because she couldn’t have children, it wouldn’t look like the one provided. Haley is otherworldly, but Sarah and Will aren’t, and the picture has an otherworldly quality about it.
These stories are very equally matched, so for me it’s coming down to picture use. That sends it to carpedavid, where the pictures really drove the story for me.
Herremann:
Final
carpedavid vs. Rodrigo Istalindir
And so it finishes as it began, with the long walk down to the back of the yard with a horrendously huge scythe in hand. 'Lady Death' was abuzz as was I for the final to one of the strongest Ceramic DMs I have seen. Rodrigo Istalindir and carpedavid have fought their way through some horrendously tough matches to get to this final and as I walked into the dark court under the massive elm, everything and everyone was eagerly waiting for the final judgment to begin. One competitor would survive the scythe's attention while the other would be cut down, smote by her hunger. And hungry she was!
The altar had been freshly cleaned, rubbed down with the skin of a demon until its surface gleamed with the dulled glow of polished granite. I tapped 'Lady Death' gently to begin the march of the two court imps, everyone's attention on their careful forms. Dressed in royal crimson and gold for the final they each held a scroll of carefully prepared parchment from the skins of several nymph maidens. I bowed to them as I accepted the final two offerings of the competition, nodded to the court and began.
"Dark Court, we are gathered here this evening to perform the final Judgment between carpedavid and Rodrigo Istalindir. For the final time, you the judging imps must decide between them; to decide the ultimate victor and who would become 'Lady Death's final meal before being returned to her usual occupation. Both contestants have provided suitable offerings to be considered so let's now dissect them in finest detail to judge who truly has earned dominion over his fellow competitors."
"carpedavid has given us The Short Story of Esmeralda Santiago. Beginning in Esmeralda's fantasy world of wonder and whimsy, we soon start to see that all is not well as this world of make-believe and nonsense slowly begins to unravel with Luna's illness. I found the disjunction between the two worlds fascinating, becoming thoroughly entranced by the mood and feel.
Rodrigo has gone for the bedtime fable approach for his piece that works with a similar feel and mix of fantasy and whimsy. Is there something deeper here?
After numerous re-readings I have come to the final conclusion that I could not find the golden thread and so could only judge this piece on face value. A good story never-the-less."
"Good jury, I'm sure you have had as much difficulty as I distinguishing between the story, style and presentation of these two offerings. I can give you no clue but to say I enjoyed both. What say you?"
The imps animated by their own perquisites and peculiarities eventually came to a position of 11 imps to 11 in a draw. Damn... I forgot about that whole even/odd thing with the imps. How remiss of me! Perhaps I would have opportunity to cull the judging panel later on? I tapped 'Lady Death' in acknowledgement of their initial position for the match.
"Now imps of the jury, I hate to say it but with the Gnopf in orbit and the curious absence of our fey presenter of the previous match, I have had to resort to the mundane." I quickly put up the six posters I had created from the images on the thread. I thought Sialia would be impressed by the impromptu infernal gallery set up in my backyard as the dark court oooh'd and aaah'd over the pictures.
"And so here we have the images for our viewing. Now unlike previous judgments I will have to confine the examination of these images to but a single vote. 'Lady Death' informs me that brevity is of the utmost importance. She is hungry for her final meal and so cannot wait for a series of six dissections and votes. As such I will guide you on the performance good imps of each of the submissions in this regard and then the final decision will belong to you."
"carpedavid has I believe taken the images as a whole to heart, taking the almost whimsical style of Sialia's five contributions as a guide and foundation for the wonderful inner world of Esmeralda. Rodrigo has with the majority of the images attempted a more literal approach although I believe special mention is deserved for the melding of the moon baby image and deathly cot. At first, I thought image three was totally missing as I could not find it anywhere in the text. [Unfortunately, my access to En World has once more evaporated so I am missing any possible links or special formatting that may have been used]. I then realized (or guessed more like it) of this curious symbiosis of grief from image six then joyous rapture from image three of the peacefully sleeping gift from the heavens. At first I was thinking 'what has Rodrigo done!' but with numerous readings, I believe this is the way that these two images have been curiously mixed together. Something I have not seen done before in quite this way. In the end, I thought both contestants navigated these images with aplomb"
"So the question becomes how to split the two contestants. Both works were well conceived from an incredibly difficult array of diverse images. Imps, I leave it to you to decide."
The imps of the jury moved carefully trying to sense the general consensus but this only confused and befuddled them further. Several imps then began bellowing infernal instructions that led to several outbursts of violence. I almost intervened but preferred to let them finish things off - with any luck, the number of imps would be reduced by an odd number, ruling out the embarrassment of a draw. In fact the more I thought about it, the more I thought how appropriate a draw would be. I then clanged the scythe into the altar with percussive impact. The imps had settled down into two neat piles that were... unevenly balanced. A quick count revealed...
Carpedavid victorious with twelve imps to Rodrigo's ten. I have no idea How the imps managed to settle this but such is the whimsy I suppose of your average imp.
Congratulations to both competitors for a thoroughly enjoyable time. I have very much enjoyed all of your stories over the last month and a bit and so congratulations!!! As for the eventual loser, I believe you should expect a visit soon from a scythe most hungry.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Yangnome:
Carpedavid-
Now, let’s get down to this round. Carpedavid gives us a surprisingly dark story about a child battling to defend her imagination against the harsh realities of the real world. When I started reading the first part, I thought What is this guy doing, this is so disjointed, was he really that pressed for time?, then Luna opens the shutters to the real world and kicks us in the gut. It became clear that we had been looking at the world through Da’s eyes.
You weaved a really strong tale that had a lot of emotional punch. You seemed to integrate the pictures into your story really well too, with real imaginative use. If I have only one criticism, it is in the arrangement of the story. I don’t really see the purpose in the flashbacks in the timeline. I could be wrong here, but I think the story might have been stronger had you told it sequentially.
Rodrigo-
You offer us a fun fairytale, a story a father is telling his adopted daughter. The story of the love between the sun and the moon seems very familiar, and it is easy to be captured brought into the tale.
I think your picture use was also pretty strong, though you seemed to interpret the pictures pretty literally. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though with more difficult pictures it can be jarring. I didn’t see a reference to picture 3 in your story, but I think I found the place in the story where it should have been. Looking at the picture, it definitely seemed to have a large impact on your overall story.
If there is a weakness here, I think that it is the framing of your story. While I think the revelation that the father is reading to his adopted daughter, I don’t think it provides a large enough *thump* to justify putting it in the story. I think the fairytale is strong enough to stand on its own without it.
This decision is a hard one for me. I really feel that either story could have won this round. Both contestants provided excellent stories and both made good use of the pictures provided. For me, the decision has to come down to personal preference. In that respect, I feel that Carpedavid’s story moved me more on an emotional level.
Carpedavid wins this round with a 3-0 decision that probably doesn’t accurately demonstrate how close this match was. Congrats to both of you for providing some excellent stories.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Congratulations to carpedavid for an awesome story, and to all the competitors for what I think is a Ceramic DM for the ages. And thanks to the judges for all the hard work, and the invaluable critiques. I set out this time to work on various aspects of my writing, and even if I (eventually) failed in the competition, I think based on your responses I succeeded in my other goals.
As for Lady Death, I have no fear. I took the liberty of installing an 'upgrade' during my brief tenure running CDM last fall. I may not be able to control the imps remotely yet, but a scythe? No problem.
So, when's the next one? And what are we going to call it?
As for Lady Death, I have no fear. I took the liberty of installing an 'upgrade' during my brief tenure running CDM last fall. I may not be able to control the imps remotely yet, but a scythe? No problem.
So, when's the next one? And what are we going to call it?
yangnome
First Post
I wouldn't say you failed in the competition. I don't think anyone that managed to turn in a story failed. Sure, we have a winner and a oser in each round, but really, everyone hopefully gains from CDM--I know I certainly do. I like to use CDM as a time to try out different things that I might not usually do. Sometimes I hamstrong myself by adding additional challenges to an already difficult task (mimicking an author's style, trying to hide a song's lyrics in a story, etc.) I know I've gained quite a bit of experience and insight into my own writing style through this competition.
Anyhow, sorry for the rant, I'm sure you realize this as well.
As for when the next competition is, your guess is as good as mine. I think it might be helpful to identify who the person is who will lead it and then let them pick a start date. If we change the name, I vote that we call it Enworld's Short Story Smackdown.
Anyhow, sorry for the rant, I'm sure you realize this as well.
As for when the next competition is, your guess is as good as mine. I think it might be helpful to identify who the person is who will lead it and then let them pick a start date. If we change the name, I vote that we call it Enworld's Short Story Smackdown.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Well, 'failed' in the sense of 'failed to grind my opponent under my boot until he cried out for mercy'. ![:]](http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png "Devious :]")
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
Wow. This was some CDM. I really enjoyed the final two stories, but all of them were great reads this time. I agree, a CDM for the ages!
carpedavid
First Post
*does happy dance*
Rodrigo, I'd like to thank you for that final round. It was so close that I had no idea who was going to win. It could just as easily have been you, and that's the most exciting kind of competition. And by exciting, I mean totally nerve wracking.
I'd also like to thank all of the judges. Having judged Iron DM, I know how much work goes into it, and you all did a consistantly great job. It helps a lot to get the kind of feedback that you were all able to provide.
*does happy dance*
Also - regarding the next one, I'm on board with Yangnome's "ENWorld's Short Story Smackdown" title. It's catchy.
Rodrigo, I'd like to thank you for that final round. It was so close that I had no idea who was going to win. It could just as easily have been you, and that's the most exciting kind of competition. And by exciting, I mean totally nerve wracking.
I'd also like to thank all of the judges. Having judged Iron DM, I know how much work goes into it, and you all did a consistantly great job. It helps a lot to get the kind of feedback that you were all able to provide.
*does happy dance*
Also - regarding the next one, I'm on board with Yangnome's "ENWorld's Short Story Smackdown" title. It's catchy.
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
Congratulations CarpeDavid, Rodrigo, everyone else, this competition was quite fun to follow, and read, and learn from.
GW
GW
