All I have to say is that I love you as a friend and it pains me to see and hear you hurt so bad both mentally and physically. There's nothing I can help for the latter but I can help with the former. I may not like your family but I like you. There's a big difference there. A big one. You're, and I will repeat this as necessary, a good man.
But you have to quit ignoring my emails and help me help you. He's not responded to this email and at least one other where I go after his personal stuff... You can't do this alone. You need help. And since professional counseling is out due to finances, you have to lean on us, your friends, for the emotional support you so desperately need. I noticed you responded to this guy's emails but not mine. Why? Do I hit too close to the nerves for your comfort? If so, good. You need to "wake up and smell the coffee" so to speak. You're a friend of mine and I want to help as much as I can. But this goes both ways, amigo.