Gaming Pride / Gaming Shame

[MonkeyDragon]

It's my number one hobby, so I talk about it whenever it's appropriate to talk about hobbies. I'm not ashamed of my art, my writing, my music, my movies or anything else I like to do for fun, so there's no reason to be ashamed of my gaming. Just like with all those other things, I try not to talk too much about gaming to people who aren't interested in hearing about it, but that's just courtesy. I wear my nerd shirts because I like them. And if anyone thinks less of me because of it...well, that's their problem, since I'm not interested in socializing with anyone who would judge someone by weird rumors about thier hobbies.

I'm a nerd. Deal with it. Ask me what I do for fun or what I'm up to on the weekend, and I will tell you. Ask me why I don't work on Sundays or why I'm going to Indy for my vacation, and you will hear why. Show any interest or curiosity on the subject, and you'll get an earful. The only difficulty I have is trying to put D&D into terms that people understand. Sometimes I find it difficult to express exactly what roleplaying games are and how they're played to someone who has no context for understanding.

Now, for folks for whom there would be actual consequences to their jobs or safety if people knew they gamed, I understand the need to be subtle. But that has nothing to do with gaming, that could apply to any activity that goes against what bullies and small-minded folk deem "acceptable." For most of us, all we risk is being called a nerd, and most people are sensible enough to not completely erase their entire perception of you and replace it with the Simpsons comic book guy JUST because you play games.

Besides, I need to find myself a nice nerd boy, and how am I supposed to attract one if I'm unwilling to be a confidant nerd girl? I could try laying a trail of dice and minis to my door, but that might produce poor results...

 

[Adlon]

So, how do we all feel about D&D?

Personally, I hide my gaming by default. It's not something I mention when people ask about hobbies. I'm more likely to mention computer games (particularly those I've contributed to) than pen & paper, at least until I get to know people.

Why is this? Because I don't want to be defined by D&D. It's something I do, not something I am, if that makes sense. I don't want it to be the first association people make when they think of me.

Anyway, I'm curious how other people relate to gaming in general, and D&D in specific.

Cheers, -- N


PS: Inspired by this very classy response from Wayne Charness which makes me feel cautiously optimistic regarding gamer stigma. (Please don't discuss political stuff in this thread, though.)

That is unfortunate, though NO ONE can ever dictate how ANY ONE should feel, that is their domain alone.

I don't go waving a flag about D&D, personally, but, if anyone asks me about my hobbies, it's always mentioned.

At 46 years old, when I say 'Yep, I play D&D' with a plain simple face, they usually do a double take.....I never have or get bad vibes about them judging me in the manner you expressed......

Was always pretty much the same 25 years ago too... to me, it's a hobby I do, and THEY don't have to do it.

Figure, at least in the US, alot of mainstream peoples hobbies. Going to bars, meeting 'chicks' or guys, smoking weed, addicted to Video games...
Well, at least ask yourself what your circle's people do in their off time...
I'd wager hanging out at home with friends, LoL and killing stuff, isn't as bad as some .....

 

[Nifft]

That is unfortunate, though NO ONE can ever dictate how ANY ONE should feel, that is their domain alone.

And yet we do care what other people think of us. Well, I think we do. We seem to act like it most of the time.

Cheers, -- N

 

[Scurvy_Platypus]

I started out being pretty open about it, but I quickly kept it to myself after I had some problems at work because of it. Specifically, someone overheard me talking to another guy about it (both of us played) and came to the conclusion that I was a "devil worshipper".

She complained about it to the manager, refused to work any shifts that I was also working, and even went to the District Manager and complained because she felt it was a religiously hostile environment. It was a mess and almost cost me my job.

Yeah, I learned my lesson.

That was some 15 years ago, and I still tend to keep my mouth shut about it. If someone asks about hobbies, I'll mention playing "games" of different sorts and leave it at that. If they press, then I'll say "boardgames, computer games, and stuff like Everquest and World of Warcraft." If they bring up PnP rpgs, then I'll admit to it. I never volunteer it though.

My wife is much more free about bringing it up. She doesn't hesitate to mention it and is always a bit puzzled at my reluctance to say anything.

 

[RFisher]

I decided long ago that I shouldn’t care what other people think about me and I shouldn’t be ashamed to be who I am. I’m a nerd/geek/whatever-term-you-want-to-use. I’m proud of it.

Of course, I’m human. I don’t always live up to those ideals, but I think I do pretty well.

I’ve seldom felt lack of respect from others because of it. In fact, most people, in my experience, know that they’re just as big a geek about their own interests.

So, I’m not ashamed of being an RPG geek. Ask for a short summary of me and it’ll be listed right there behind father, Jesus geek, and guitar geek.

 

[billd91]

I'm out of the closet. Game books frequently appear on my desk at work, for reading at lunch time.

 

[Tetsubo]

I envy people who can say this with a straight face. I'm a military brat who has lived in the Bible belt since my father left the Air Force; I've seen both sides of the equation on this subject. When we were living on bases among other military types, hobbies were a binding force. When you don't know from year to year if your friends are still going to be living nearby, you learn to make friends with anyone with similar interests and a lack of sociopathic behavior; therefore, D&D was a foundation for new friendships as much as poker or bowling or pool. There was no stigma attached to it, and it was seen as a valid pasttime.

Then we moved to rural North Carolina. There was one gaming shop nearby, branched off from a nearby comic shop. The comic shop did fine, aside from its stigma as a nerd haven. The gaming shop, however, had groups of Southern baptists and born-again Christians that would purposefully loiter in front of it and try to block people from going into the store. The police wouldn't do anything about it, since their attitude seemed to range from one of mild amusement at the problem to fully supporting the religious nuts. While our high school librarians and principal seemed okay with allowing the small group of gamers to gather in the library on breaks, our members were harassed by the rest of the school population and guaranteed an outcast status until they gave up being seen there. Parents would write to the school and the school board concerned about 'Satanic clubs' being allowed on school grounds. Mind you, this was as recent as the early nineties.

The LARP groups had a different problem altogether. The locals were always calling the cops with noise complaints and making accusations of drug and weapons possession, so most sessions had to deal with the cops at least once a night. I never played in the LARPs, though, so all of those stories come second-hand.

So, yeah, there are a lot of us who feel that we have to hide our love of the hobby in order to protect ourselves. It's not dishonest; it's survival.

This makes me profoundly sad. Narrow minded, bigoted people do that to me in general though. You have my deepest sympathy.

 

[Tetsubo]

At one time I kept my gamer status very low-key. But over time I just stopped caring about someone judging me because of a *hobby*.

If someone has been invited to my home, they already know I am a gamer. And if not, the 60+ feet of shelves dedicated to RPGs would tip them off quickly.

But I am also an open Pagan. And that has caused me far more issues in my life.

I list gaming along with my other hobbies: reading, movies and collecting (books, RPGs, knives & LED flashlights). I am a nerds nerd.

 

[Fallen Seraph]

Being a gamer is hardly the most serious thing I am open about (if it comes up in conversation, I am normally quite introverted) so it doesn't matter much to me if someone knows.

 

[cougent]

I have never hidden it, but neither have I made it public knowledge either. Most of my family and friends know that I play D&D because they have either heard about it, played it with me, or at least been asked if they wanted to join a game. However there are professional people and acquaintances that I have known and associated with for years who don't know anything about it (to the best of my knowledge). If asked about it specifically I would not lie, but I will probably never volunteer it to certain people either.

I don't know if it is because I care about what they think or not. I tell myself that I have a good relationship with them at a certain level and there is no reason to tell them about D&D or several other things either (religion, politics, etc.) and threaten that relationship. I just consider it private and personal information that I will pass along to those that I decide are on a "need to know" basis. However I am a fairly private person and follow this same pattern with much about myself, so it just fits my personality.

The "thing" that still does concern me is that while we may talk about it freely, and use terms like geek and nerd to describe ourselves (I do not) these are all still perceived as negative accolades by the so called mainstream world. When writers / journalists want to create a slam / hit piece about our hobby the phrase "living in parents basement" and the words geek or nerd or both are copiously sprinkled all throughout the articles, and D&D will usually be highlighted with bold text to further underscore the perceived stigma. I simply don't want to get into that whole debate, so I call myself a gamer. Just as in my professional life I call myself a techie. Maybe I am splitting hairs, but it just doesn't feel right to me to accept intended derogatory and insulting treatment and take pride in it. I just can't do it.