SteveC
Doing the best imitation of myself
To try and answer the OP's question: no, there's no reason that a grognard needs to be a jerk. Still, many can be, just as many gamers/sci fi fans/football fans and so forth can be. I'm a baseball fan, and I've seen some fan behavior that's simply inexcusable, so I know it's not just one group.
Still, the gaming community has a worse situation than many other groups, since we have quite a few members with some real issues with socializing.
I think the important thing to do is not tolerate it: I've been attacked for my choice of games many times (playing Champions in the 80's was not fun sometimes...), and as I play 4E at the moment, I get a fair bit of hassle over it from the Pathfinder fans (and others), or did, since the Edition Wars are largely over in my neck of the woods.
When someone I don't know wants to tell me the game I'm playing (or, worse yet, running) is badwrongfun, I simply don't let them. I pointedly and directly say that I don't care what their opinions are on the matter, and ask that they leave. I don't care to debate an issue that's about fun in an angry or aggressive manner. After some sputtering, it's always worked. If I don't know you, I have no interest in discussing how I'm playing an elf wrong.
I've seen a number of fans of the previous editions try to tell folks who express an interest in Encounters or LFR or other game that they shouldn't try them out, and, again, I approach the situation directly, asking if they have a game of edition X they can recommend, and then telling the new prospective player about how they can try Encounters as well, and judge for themselves. Again, there's usually some sputtering, but it typically ends with the person having two games to try, and that's a pretty cool thing
. Fortunately my FLGS runs both Pathfinder and 4E on different nights, so it works out.
At times it's tough, because it requires me to keep my cool and be pleasant when I'd rather not be, but the results have been pretty positive.
It's just that simple: for a new person, keep it positive and help a new person to have fun, and at the same time require people to maintain some civility. For attacks on my gaming style, tell someone to go away.
It works for me at least.
Still, the gaming community has a worse situation than many other groups, since we have quite a few members with some real issues with socializing.
I think the important thing to do is not tolerate it: I've been attacked for my choice of games many times (playing Champions in the 80's was not fun sometimes...), and as I play 4E at the moment, I get a fair bit of hassle over it from the Pathfinder fans (and others), or did, since the Edition Wars are largely over in my neck of the woods.
When someone I don't know wants to tell me the game I'm playing (or, worse yet, running) is badwrongfun, I simply don't let them. I pointedly and directly say that I don't care what their opinions are on the matter, and ask that they leave. I don't care to debate an issue that's about fun in an angry or aggressive manner. After some sputtering, it's always worked. If I don't know you, I have no interest in discussing how I'm playing an elf wrong.
I've seen a number of fans of the previous editions try to tell folks who express an interest in Encounters or LFR or other game that they shouldn't try them out, and, again, I approach the situation directly, asking if they have a game of edition X they can recommend, and then telling the new prospective player about how they can try Encounters as well, and judge for themselves. Again, there's usually some sputtering, but it typically ends with the person having two games to try, and that's a pretty cool thing

At times it's tough, because it requires me to keep my cool and be pleasant when I'd rather not be, but the results have been pretty positive.
It's just that simple: for a new person, keep it positive and help a new person to have fun, and at the same time require people to maintain some civility. For attacks on my gaming style, tell someone to go away.
It works for me at least.