Yet another example of where D&D is not and has never been anything like "real life", so trying to model "real life" with it is something of a fool's errand...
True, approximations is usually all you get. Some are closer than others, but they are still approximations.
I have quite enjoyed running the whole HPE saga, so far, but it's certainly true that I have been putting increasing amounts of work into the non-combat side as I've gone along. I think your observations, here, are basically sound. I have found, though, that 4e is very amenable to having the non-combat side significantly expanded on using the systems given - even if I do wish WotC had expanded much further in that area.
An expanded, and revised DMG pg. 42 with good examples of how to "stretch" the system certainly would have done wonder to make the "out-of-combat" much more supportable. I would have liked to see an entire chapter devoted to that "Teach the DM how to fish kind of thing."
I've been having a blast with my group because they are "masters" of the unconventional. The 4e framework lends itself fantastically to that "expansion."
Each to their own - it needed a complete rewrite, as far as I'm concerned. The whole idea of "magic items are candy for the DM to hand out and the players to be glad of whatever they get" was overdue for excision, as far as I'm concerned. I actually liked the "magic items are a party-shared character building resource" concept; if you want DM-only goodies or maguffins there were (and are) Artifacts - the very best of both worlds.
For my next 4e campaign, I think I'll likely go with "Residuum" as a separate resource (i.e. no free exchange with money, no loss on disenchantment) for player control of the party magic item pool (with configuration changes costing gold). Artifacts will still be the "DM's toys" option.
I'm of two minds on the subject. I flat out did not like the mechanical aspects of magic items. They felt more like mundane tools rather than magical items. I understand the balance issues that the designers were trying to address with them, but I would have liked something much better/different. Even if it had been a lot of advice for the DM on how to "modify to taste".
In my current campaign I've been modifying magic items heavily to tailor them as somewhat unique items. Almost as if they were artifacts. I've introduced a mechanic whereas all the abilities of a magic item are not know to the character when they first get the item. As the character advances in level, the item advances also, and reveals more "powers". I work with the players to get their characters at least one "signature" item in that fashion. I liked the idea, if not the implementation, of "wish lists." I use inherent bonuses, and work with the players to get the flavor we like.
On the "residuum" front, I also divorced it from gold. It is a separate resource and can be found, or extracted from magic items, and certain creatures. I've also made Ritual Casting much more usable/accessible for my group. I add a lot of ritual scrolls and books to treasure finds so that they are much more visible to the PCs. I've decreased the casting time for many rituals, and increased it for some. More on the grounds of thematics than anything else. We don't have a traditional ritual caster so the Warden PC has become the defacto ritual caster for the group, and we are having a lot of fun with it.
I don't like the idea of magic emporiums for flavor reasons, so I've worked closely with the players to provide things that will be cool for them, without having to go buy them. It's definitely a work in progress. So far it's been working rather well.