I think our 4e wizard used maybe a handful of surges over the course of a year in real time. Definitely way not squishy enough. He was just as blasé about not feeling threatened as the warden who was nigh unkillable. His auto-HP restore reaction utility power was used ONCE in our three year game. Is this a problem with our DM or 4e? Hmmm, we were playing the standard rules, with the standard monsters. Please, let's make D&D a challenge and dangerous again.
Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal.
In the 4e adventures I've written, I have to often insert surge recovery methods so that PCs can finish an adventure without having to take extended rests at times inconvenient to the speed of plot. For example, I know a paladin who used 26 surges going through 7 encounters in an adventure. That's a lot of surges.
Similarly, I've dealt over 1000 hit points of damage in one encounter to a group who had a total of 600 hit points.
And had 7 deaths in the course of one (intentionally) particularly violent adventure.
Clearly, I've had a different experience than you did.
My 2nd edition bard made it to ~24th level before dying, through the wonders of things like stoneskin.
My 3rd edition sorcerer died at 8th level to a circle of death he needed a 20 to fail (curse you, red wizards), then never died again til the campaign finished at 19th level because he ensured he was immune to anything that could kill him (immune to death, 5 energy types, crits, stun, etc).
PCs are not supposed to win.
I don't think you'll find tons of agreement on this one, but I'll say that's pretty much a group contract thing. Figure out how tough you want the game to be, and make it so.