D&D 5E REALLY REALLY BAD DM ADVICE

[Fenris-77]

My sister had a dog named that too. I also didn't clue in right away.

A good DM makes liberal use of X's, Z's, and apostrophes when naming things. Those letters fire unique neural pathways in the cerebral cortexes of the players which activate the sections of the brain coded to "awesome high fantasy".

 

[Lanefan]

Invite @lowkey13, @Oofta, @Maxperson, and @Lanefan to an All Paladin Game.
Force @iserith run it.

That much fun is illegal in 46 states and 8 provinces, don't'cha know.

But hell, sign me up! Just having the five of us around the same table* would be worth it, even if our Paladins all shot each other in the first round.

* - real, not virtual...

 

[jasper]

Don't forget to throw in the cool weapon from your current favorite movie/show. Make very rare but all the players have access and give a d100 damage roll.

 

[Jediking]

Ban metagaming and ensure players do not use their existing knowledge to make informed decisions.

 

[Don Durito]

Inform characters there will be no out of character talk at your table.

This should enhance role-playing considerably. Enforce this rigorously. If a player asks someone to "pass the chips" make sure the NPCs react in a confused way as if the character had actually said that.

In combat, ask the players if their character really says "I hit it with my axe". Encourage players to stand up and physically demonstrate their actions instead so they stay fully in character.

 

[generic]

Inform characters there will be no out of character talk at your table.

This should enhance role-playing considerably. Enforce this rigorously. If a player asks someone to "pass the chips" make sure the NPCs react in a confused way as if the character had actually said that.

In combat, ask the players if their character really says "I hit it with my axe". Encourage players to stand up and physically demonstrate their actions instead so they stay fully in character.

"It's not a Dorito, it's a X'r'r'cthk scale chip!"

 

[CleverNickName]

Be petty. Make sure that everyone at the table knows that you are in charge, your word is law, and your displeasure will be felt. Practice your maniacal cackling between gaming sessions. Consider growing a goatee.

 

[Eltab]

Never be afraid to go ahead and just telling players what their characters say, do, and think. It really helps set up your cut scenes and generally keeps them where they belong on the track.

i have a few times "borrowed" a character while there was no action happening and I wanted to set a mood. For a handful of minutes it works but not for long. (I reminded my Tiamat group of the Draakhorn by having the Ranger faintly hear its sounding note at dawn.)

As bad advice: do this in the middle of an encounter and have a primary combatant wander off the field following a mystic sign only (s)he can detect (taking opportunity attacks as he goes).