D&D General Worst phrasing for a wish?

[Lanefan]

I wish for everything I've ever wanted.

Wouldn't that cause a rift in the space-time continuum if your wants had directly conflicted at different times e.g. two days ago you wanted a beer but one day ago, after having had lots of beer two days ago, you definitely didn't want a beer...

 

[Fauchard1520]

“Astonish me, Djinn. Show me wonders.”

I guess that's one way for a djinn to learn hurl through hell.

 

[WayOfTheFourElements]

“Astonish me, Djinn. Show me wonders.”

Djinns Gone Wild!

 

[Fanaelialae]

And I once had a player actually try, this time with a wish she knew she had, the "I wish there was no evil in the world" trick. >poof< As the PC was a Good Cleric he was simply planeshifted to his deity's home plane where there is no evil....

That seems quite merciful. You could have had all of the evil creatures come charging out of the Underdark.

One of my players, playing a Celestial warlock, used a cursed wish to become the king of the local hobgoblin kingdoms. (He was aware that the wish was malicious.)

It was phrased something like, "I wish to be the king of the Iron Mountain and Burning Blood kingdoms".

He suddenly found himself with the devil Zariel as his patron (the hobgoblins worshipped Zariel) facing down his former angelic patron. After he slew the angel, Zariel appeared and declared the warlock to be the new leader of the hobgoblins. They would bow to him, but he would kneel to her, and together they would accomplish great and terrible things...

 

[Fanaelialae]

Suddenly all the evil critters of the Underdark (mainly Illithids, Drow and Duergar) appear on the surface, confused and angry.

You beat me to the punch.

 

[Umbran]

So, this happened at the table in my youth...

The PCs were going through the original 1e Ravenloft... and got their butts kicked. Badly. We were down to the party Magic User (mine) and the Deep Gnome illusionist played by a friend of mine, who were mostly spelled-out, and with enemies closing in.

We had been hording a scroll of Wish. It seemed pretty obvious that it was use it or have a TPK.

The GM was... not unreasonable. We had two characters with Intelligence of 17+, so he gave us 5 minutes to discuss the wording of the wish before he'd have us roll initiative for the oncoming encounter...

We went with... I am not sure I am remembering the wording exactly a lifetime later... words to the effect of, "I wish my compatriots and I were alive and well in the village of <name of innocuous village a significant distance from Ravenloft>."

In 1e, raising the dead and transporting to safety were the bog standard basic operation of Wish you could depend upon, but we were stretching it to cover raising most of the party. In our discussion we expressly decided to not try to hand riders about equipment on it or actively try to avoid protecting ourselves from misreading of the Wish - we decided the more we tried to twist around to protect ourselves, the more likely we were to create an ugly loophole.

The GM again, was not unreasonable. We were exercising the most basic function of wish, just stretching it a bit. But still, it was a Wish, and he felt it a moral obligation to have it work... oddly.

The result hung on which one of us had read the scroll - my character had the slightly higher Intelligence, so we had him read it. The character had been around for the entire campaign, and the GM decided the most interestign course was to read the word "compatriots" broadly. Like, every character the MU had ever adventured with. There were... 31 characters who showed up in the village. Several of them were... well, mortal enemies and had left the campaign in a pine box because we were young and still working out the whole PvP and "but stealing from the party is what my character would do" things....

Anyone who had to be raised from the dead (most of them, honestly) showed up buck naked. Those who were alive at the time of the reading showed up with what they'd had on them at the time. So, the MU and Illusionist (who showed up at the edge of town for effect), hobbled in to a huge brawl of confused, naked adventurers spread through the tavern, the general store, and most of the village square with cowering scared inhabitants everywhere trying to figure out what the blue blazes had just happened to their sleepy hamlet.

It took a long time to work thorugh that fight, as the one monk was the only one who did substantial damage without weapons...

 

[wingsandsword]

In a Planescape game, I saw Kender (from Dragonlance) get ahold of a Ring of Wishes.

The player, in true Kender style, put on the ring, and before anyone in the party could stop him, said:

"I wish for lots and lots of really neat stuff."

. . .the game paused while the DM had to consider that Wish.

When it resumed, what happened was that suddenly dozens and dozens of packages, bags, chests, sealed bottles, scrollcases, and barrels appeared all around the Kender.

Everyone decided to leave the Kender alone to his bounty, well alone, as in Dimension Dooring away and behind a very large rock. The Kender complained that everyone else was no fun all as he decided to open the containers.

There were strange sounds. . .then nothing.

The party decided to look.

The entire area where he was, was now scoured of all life, vegitation, and anything of value, as a shallow crater was gouged in the soil. All the mysterious packages were gone. . .along with the Kender.

Divination spells couldn't determine where he was or what happened to him. Even a Commune just got the one-word answer of "Gone" to the question of where he was.

We just carried on, writing the Kender off as a lost cause. He never was seen again.

 

[CleverNickName]

One of the best-worded wishes I've ever seen:
"I wish the DM wouldn't make me regret wishing for a magic sword."

 

[Lanefan]

In a Planescape game, I saw Kender (from Dragonlance) get ahold of a Ring of Wishes.

The player, in true Kender style, put on the ring, and before anyone in the party could stop him, said:

"I wish for lots and lots of really neat stuff."

. . .the game paused while the DM had to consider that Wish.

When it resumed, what happened was that suddenly dozens and dozens of packages, bags, chests, sealed bottles, scrollcases, and barrels appeared all around the Kender.

Everyone decided to leave the Kender alone to his bounty, well alone, as in Dimension Dooring away and behind a very large rock. The Kender complained that everyone else was no fun all as he decided to open the containers.

There were strange sounds. . .then nothing.

The party decided to look.

The entire area where he was, was now scoured of all life, vegitation, and anything of value, as a shallow crater was gouged in the soil. All the mysterious packages were gone. . .along with the Kender.

Divination spells couldn't determine where he was or what happened to him. Even a Commune just got the one-word answer of "Gone" to the question of where he was.

We just carried on, writing the Kender off as a lost cause. He never was seen again.

Now I'm really curious as to what became of the Kender and the stuff, and what the DM had in mind.

"I wish the rest of you had remained able to see what happened to the Kender between the time of his Wish resolving and the time of his disappearance"!

 

[Levistus's_Leviathan]

Happened at my table:

Troglodyte character wishes, "I wish for wings!"

(Which is very vague, so I did this)

"Okay, on your back, you sprout tiny, butterfly wings. If you were a butterfly, they would provide enough lift to give you a flying speed, but unfortunately, they currently do absolutely nothing for you."