Not Asking for Advice

[Reynard]

Mini rant incoming:

While this true of many places one can talk about D&D and RPGs in general, ENWorld seems especially bad about it -- not every start of a discussion is a request for advice. Asking you how you do something doesn't necessarily mean I don't know how to do it or prefer my method. Often I just want to talk about an aspect of playing or running D&D. I do not need or want someone to tell me how to do it "right" or "better." People that automatically instruct rather than discuss come off as close minded and superior.

::end rant::

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Mini rant incoming:

While this true of many places one can talk about D&D and RPGs in general, ENWorld seems especially bad about it -- not every start of a discussion is a request for advice. Asking you how you do something doesn't necessarily mean I don't know how to do it or prefer my method. Often I just want to talk about an aspect of playing or running D&D. I do not need or want someone to tell me how to do it "right" or "better." People that automatically instruct rather than discuss come off as close minded and superior.

::end rant::

If you're going to do a rant, you need to have at least two fully developed paragraphs. You certainly don't want to identify it as a rant- it should be clear from the beginning that you are mad as h-e-doublehockeysticks and you aren't going to take it anymore.

A good rant needs to really draw in the reader and then develop its thesis. Here, let me show you how it's done.

I've been all over the internet, and I've left every place. Do you know why? Because I just want to have a good conversation about D&D, and I don't need a bunch of know-nothing pedants net-splainin' things to me like I'm some rube off the bus that couldn't spell Gygax if you spotted me the y and the x.


Just thought you needed some tips for your next rant so you can make it better.

 

[TwoSix]

If you're going to do a rant, you need to have at least two fully developed paragraphs. You certainly don't want to identify it as a rant- it should be clear from the beginning that you are mad as h-e-doublehockeysticks and you aren't going to take it anymore.

A good rant needs to really draw in the reader and then develop its thesis. Here, let me show you how it's done.

I've been all over the internet, and I've left every place. Do you know why? Because I just want to have a good conversation about D&D, and I don't need a bunch of know-pedants net-splainin' things to me like I'm some rube off the bus that couldn't spell Gygax if you spotted me the y and the x.


Just thought you needed some tips for your next rant so you can make it better.

The ball....his groin....it works on so many levels!

 

[Umbran]

ENWorld seems especially bad about it -- not every start of a discussion is a request for advice. Asking you how you do something doesn't necessarily mean I don't know how to do it or prefer my method.

Yeah. I know this as "Geek answer syndrome" or "geek'splaining".

 

[aco175]

My wife used to accuse me of trying to help when she just wanted to talk/vent. I heard it has something to do with men being hunters and woman gatherers. Now, I finally just ask if she is looking for advice or just wants me to listen.

 

[Eltab]

I don't see any 'hooks' in the OP that I can hang any helpful advice on.
I usually try to be full of it ... helpful advice, I mean.

 

[GlassJaw]

My wife used to accuse me of trying to help when she just wanted to talk/vent. I heard it has something to do with men being hunters and woman gatherers. Now, I finally just ask if she is looking for advice or just wants me to listen.

You are wise my friend. I wish I learned this a decade ago!!

 

[BookTenTiger]

My wife used to accuse me of trying to help when she just wanted to talk/vent. I heard it has something to do with men being hunters and woman gatherers. Now, I finally just ask if she is looking for advice or just wants me to listen.

I learned this from the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk!

When one of my students comes back from recess crying and angry, I let them talk, and then often all I have to do is empathize ("That sounds frustrating!" "You seem really angry about it."). Usually that's enough, they don't actually want advice or a solution.

 

[Morrus]

I have that problem on Facebook. I'll vent about some trivial thing, and get a ton of unwanted advice. I guess it's just human nature - people want to help.

 

[Umbran]

I have that problem on Facebook. I'll vent about some trivial thing, and get a ton of unwanted advice. I guess it's just human nature - people want to help.

Some people want to help. Some people want to be seen as helping. There's a difference.

The basic litmus test, is to tell those people who say they want to help what will actually be helpful. If they go ahead and do taht other thing, they actually wanted to be helpful. If not, well, they just wanted to do what they wanted to do, and it being helpful was secondary.