Not Asking for Advice

[Umbran]

I heard it has something to do with men being hunters and woman gatherers.

You heard some bogus sexist nonsense, then.

 

[Longspeak]

While this true of many places one can talk about D&D and RPGs in general, ENWorld seems especially bad about it -- not every start of a discussion is a request for advice. Asking you how you do something doesn't necessarily mean I don't know how to do it or prefer my method. Often I just want to talk about an aspect of playing or running D&D. I do not need or want someone to tell me how to do it "right" or "better." People that automatically instruct rather than discuss come off as close minded and superior.

What I think you should do is...


Seriously, though, I get this. I have both fallen into the trap of offering unasked for advice and suffered the well-meaning people who offered unasked for advice. I think it's universal and there is no escape. At least online, I can simply not respond and that usually ends the dialog. Less so in the analog world.

Now, occasionally, unsolicited advice has actually helped me. But I find most of the time it's something I already know / have tried.

 

[Morrus]

For me it tends to come in the form of:

Me: Grrrr. I hate doing X.

Then a whole bunch of people recommend stuff, or people to hire, or offer advice, when all I really wanted was for them to acknowledge I was having a crappy* afternoon.

If I'd wanted advice I'd have said:

Me: Anybody know about software which does X? or Anybody know of anybody looking for a gig doing Y?


*a very, very minor sense of the word 'crappy', like moldy annoying

 

[MNblockhead]

I'm guilty of this. When someone comes to me ranting, whining, or complaining, I tend to try help them solve their issue. If that annoys them, I get annoyed. Why are you wasting my time--and yours--bitching about something you don't want to do anything about. I've gotten better about this, but I still have low tolerance for whiners and tend to distance myself from them.

But the OP seems to not be talking about needing to just vent, but wanting to discuss something without being tutored. That's tougher. I can see that it would be annoying IRL if I was talking about something I had a good deal of knowledge about and someone insisted on instructing me on basic points. IRL it is less of an issue because you tend to know people better or can quickly shut it down with an "I understand that, what I'm talking about is..." The asynchronous nature of forums makes this difficult. Not everyone is reading the entire thread before responding. Also, it is much more likely that those responding don't know you well, or at all.

I think most people (anecdotal, I have no idea if there is even research on this) tend to err on the side of assuming you don't have the background in an area. They assume a lower level of skill knowledge until proven otherwise. I don't think this is usually done with ill intent.

 

[Umbran]

I'm guilty of this. When someone comes to me ranting, whining, or complaining, I tend to try help them solve their issue. If that annoys them, I get annoyed. Why are you wasting my time--and yours--bitching about something you don't want to do anything about. I've gotten better about this, but I still have low tolerance for whiners and tend to distance myself from them.

Human beings do better when they express their emotions.

Someone reaches out to their ocmmunity to get a little acknowledgement and emotional support. Maybe writing them off as a "whiner" really isn't a great thing to do to them, hm?

I think most people (anecdotal, I have no idea if there is even research on this) tend to err on the side of assuming you don't have the background in an area. They assume a lower level of skill knowledge until proven otherwise. I don't think this is usually done with ill intent.

With respect, many don't consider your level of knowledge or background. They aren't being that thoughtful about it.