(The following list of all Star Wars stuff was determined by Colosson the Numberwang Robot and as the product of Maths cannot be argued with.)
1. Empire Strikes Back.
2. A New Hope
3. The Last Jedi.
4. 3 3/4" Star Wars Action Figures
4. Rogue One.
5. The Mandalorian.
6. Star Wars Bed Sheets. Search your feelings. You know this to be true.
7. Various animated Star Wars shows, such as Clone Wars.
8. The Force Awakens. Needz moar lenz flarez.
9. Going to any Star Wars movie with a friend who keeps asking you if Yoda is related to Hulk. Because Green?
10. Return of the Jedi. Ain't no party like an Ewok party 'cuz an Ewok party can't stop. Yub nub, eee chop yub nub.
11. That recurring nightmare that George Lucas has invented time travel and is going to use it to improve Cinema by re-writing the dialogue of Casablanca and Glengarry Glen Ross and adding wipes for transitions in all Kubrick movies.
12. Revenge of the Sith.
13. Obi Wan. Perfectly cromulent.
14. Reading Simon Pegg's statement that Star Wars has the most toxic fanbase and thinking ... eh, he's not wrong, but still feeling the need to write a 10,000 word rebuttal.
15. The Phantom Menace.
16. Solo (except Lando ... Lando is cool).
17. Going into your attic and finding that all of your Star Wars collectibles that you never played with because of their value have melted in the latest heatwave into a large Jabba-like mass on top of your vintage Kenner Millenium Falcon, and recognizing that this a metaphor for your childhood.
17. Caravan of Courage.
18. Realizing that not only is Disney recycling all the Star Wars characters you grew up with, but that the actors that played those characters are dying too, and that the abyss you are staring into is staring back at you.
19. Book of Boba Fett.
20. Battle of Endor.
21. Holiday Special.
22. George Lucas’s proposed sequels about the midi-chlorians. Because that's the one part of Star Wars I really wanted to know more about. For whatever wrongs Disney has done, they didn't do this.
23. Finally recognizing that a space opera that you enjoyed for a few years in your youth and still appreciate to this day is not only nothing more than more corporate IP that Disney is using to take over the world and everyone’s brains, but is also the breeding ground for a peculiar and nasty strain of nerd-rage with a side-dose of toxic masculinity that frightens the hell out of you- and trying to come to an understanding that Star Wars has always been primarily about and for young people.
24. Attack of the Clones.
1. Empire Strikes Back.
2. A New Hope
3. The Last Jedi.
4. 3 3/4" Star Wars Action Figures
4. Rogue One.
5. The Mandalorian.
6. Star Wars Bed Sheets. Search your feelings. You know this to be true.
7. Various animated Star Wars shows, such as Clone Wars.
8. The Force Awakens. Needz moar lenz flarez.
9. Going to any Star Wars movie with a friend who keeps asking you if Yoda is related to Hulk. Because Green?
10. Return of the Jedi. Ain't no party like an Ewok party 'cuz an Ewok party can't stop. Yub nub, eee chop yub nub.
11. That recurring nightmare that George Lucas has invented time travel and is going to use it to improve Cinema by re-writing the dialogue of Casablanca and Glengarry Glen Ross and adding wipes for transitions in all Kubrick movies.
12. Revenge of the Sith.
13. Obi Wan. Perfectly cromulent.
14. Reading Simon Pegg's statement that Star Wars has the most toxic fanbase and thinking ... eh, he's not wrong, but still feeling the need to write a 10,000 word rebuttal.
15. The Phantom Menace.
16. Solo (except Lando ... Lando is cool).
17. Going into your attic and finding that all of your Star Wars collectibles that you never played with because of their value have melted in the latest heatwave into a large Jabba-like mass on top of your vintage Kenner Millenium Falcon, and recognizing that this a metaphor for your childhood.
17. Caravan of Courage.
18. Realizing that not only is Disney recycling all the Star Wars characters you grew up with, but that the actors that played those characters are dying too, and that the abyss you are staring into is staring back at you.
19. Book of Boba Fett.
20. Battle of Endor.
21. Holiday Special.
22. George Lucas’s proposed sequels about the midi-chlorians. Because that's the one part of Star Wars I really wanted to know more about. For whatever wrongs Disney has done, they didn't do this.
23. Finally recognizing that a space opera that you enjoyed for a few years in your youth and still appreciate to this day is not only nothing more than more corporate IP that Disney is using to take over the world and everyone’s brains, but is also the breeding ground for a peculiar and nasty strain of nerd-rage with a side-dose of toxic masculinity that frightens the hell out of you- and trying to come to an understanding that Star Wars has always been primarily about and for young people.
24. Attack of the Clones.
