Disney Star Wars Is It Actually That Bad?

[Snarf Zagyg]

(The following list of all Star Wars stuff was determined by Colosson the Numberwang Robot and as the product of Maths cannot be argued with.)


1. Empire Strikes Back.
2. A New Hope
3. The Last Jedi.
4. 3 3/4" Star Wars Action Figures
4. Rogue One.
5. The Mandalorian.
6. Star Wars Bed Sheets. Search your feelings. You know this to be true.
7. Various animated Star Wars shows, such as Clone Wars.
8. The Force Awakens. Needz moar lenz flarez.
9. Going to any Star Wars movie with a friend who keeps asking you if Yoda is related to Hulk. Because Green?
10. Return of the Jedi. Ain't no party like an Ewok party 'cuz an Ewok party can't stop. Yub nub, eee chop yub nub.
11. That recurring nightmare that George Lucas has invented time travel and is going to use it to improve Cinema by re-writing the dialogue of Casablanca and Glengarry Glen Ross and adding wipes for transitions in all Kubrick movies.
12. Revenge of the Sith.
13. Obi Wan. Perfectly cromulent.
14. Reading Simon Pegg's statement that Star Wars has the most toxic fanbase and thinking ... eh, he's not wrong, but still feeling the need to write a 10,000 word rebuttal.
15. The Phantom Menace.
16. Solo (except Lando ... Lando is cool).
17. Going into your attic and finding that all of your Star Wars collectibles that you never played with because of their value have melted in the latest heatwave into a large Jabba-like mass on top of your vintage Kenner Millenium Falcon, and recognizing that this a metaphor for your childhood.
17. Caravan of Courage.
18. Realizing that not only is Disney recycling all the Star Wars characters you grew up with, but that the actors that played those characters are dying too, and that the abyss you are staring into is staring back at you.
19. Book of Boba Fett.
20. Battle of Endor.
21. Holiday Special.
22. George Lucas’s proposed sequels about the midi-chlorians. Because that's the one part of Star Wars I really wanted to know more about. For whatever wrongs Disney has done, they didn't do this.
23. Finally recognizing that a space opera that you enjoyed for a few years in your youth and still appreciate to this day is not only nothing more than more corporate IP that Disney is using to take over the world and everyone’s brains, but is also the breeding ground for a peculiar and nasty strain of nerd-rage with a side-dose of toxic masculinity that frightens the hell out of you- and trying to come to an understanding that Star Wars has always been primarily about and for young people.
24. Attack of the Clones.

 

[Retreater]

I could not rank Book of Boba Fett or the animated Clone Wars series - they were too boring to watch more than about 2 episodes. Rebels - I didn't finish that series either - but I preferred it to the others.

 

[Gradine]

S: V, VIII
A: IV, VI, VII, Mandalorian, Rebels
B: Rogue One*, Kenobi
C: Solo, IX, I
D: III
Trash Tier: II

*Rogue One is hard to evaluate; the first 60% or so of the movie is somewhere in C or D, but the last act is solid S-tier.

IX earns its placement on the astral-projection lightsaber duel alone, which is some of the coolest sh*t I've seen in Star Wars. It is otherwise a better acted prequel film in terms of quality.

 

[MoonSong]

Looks fun!

S. Empire Strikes Back, Revenge of the Sith, Rogue One, The Mandalorian
A. Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Clone Wars, Rebels, some Anime shorts.
B. New Hope, Attack of the Clones, Solo, Caravan of Courage, Tartakovskis's Clone Wars, The Bad Batch, Obi Wan, the rest of the anime shorts.
C. The Force Awakens, Book of Bobba Fett.
D. The Last Jedi (but with some editing could improve to C), Rise of Skywalker (it's a mess), Battle for Endor (too bleak, way to ruin the previous movie)

 

[Guest 7034872]

S: A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back
A: Mandalorian, Rogue One
B: Return of the Jedi, Obi-Wan, Revenge of the Sith
C: Attack of the Clones, Book of Boba Fett
D: Phantom Menace, The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, Rise of Skywalker, Solo

Note, though, that between A and B my judgments would fit a continuum better than discrete categories.

 

[Hex08]

S: A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Rogue One
A: Mandalorian, Return of the Jedi, The Force Awakens, Clone Wars, Rebels
B: Obi-Wan, The Last Jedi
C: Revenge of the Sith, The Book of Boba Fett, Solo
D: Rise of Skywalker, Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones

I haven't watched the Bad Batch yet so can't rate it

 

[Davies]

B: Everything that's not Phantom Menace.
C: Phantom Menace.

 

[Eltab]

Besides "no plan for $1B trilogy", the other critical Disney error out of the gate was "destroy everything the heros spent three movies trying to accomplish and leave them wandering amidst the wreckage".

If the backstory had been "the heros succeeded but the upcoming generation lost their vision; we begin with the generation after that" it could have worked. See IRL Charlemagne and his heirs for ideas.

 

[Mezuka]

S: New Hope, Empire Strikes Back
A: Return of the Jedi, Rogue One, Solo
B: Prequels, Mandalorian, Obi-Wan
C: Boba Fett
D: Sequels, they are equally bad.

I can't watch the animation shows. I fall asleep everytime. SW is live action.

 

[Retreater]

I can't watch the animation shows. I fall asleep everytime. SW is live action.

I'm the same way. No kidding - when I was suffering from insomnia, I'd put on the Clone Wars and pass out before the opening WW2 announcer guy started giving the voice over.