How so? The characters are in theory inhabitants of a world as real to them as ours is to us, right?
No, because RPG characters, the world they live in, and their activities are, quite literally, figments of our imagination. They're not real at all. We have no obligation to spend time thinking about "what is real" to figments of our imagination or even "what is important" to them! On the other hand, we
can do so if we
value doing so.
I want to hammer home this idea of
value. An RPG tailored to satisfy your preferences ought to value the same gameplay you do, more or less. Well and good! An RPG tailored to satisfy the various player constituencies of 5e ought to value the gameplay
they value, more or less. Also well and good! What is mystifying is that you can't seem to get past conflating "gameplay you value" and "what is objectively correct design for RPGs writ large" or "what RPG gameplay, writ large, ought to look like".
What I am getting at is that what makes high-fidelity, high-resolution, highly-granular gameplay as regards in-fiction logistics so appealing to you is that it matches what you, personally, value - which is great! - but also that there is no "objective" or "universal" basis to assert that all RPGs must include that kind of gameplay: including it does not make an RPG better and excluding it does not make an RPG worse - it only makes it a better or worse fit with the kind of gameplay you value.
With all due respect to your late wife (condolences, by the way), gardening is a hobby with many different moving parts and I'd be willing to bet big money there were aspects of gardening she really liked doing and other aspects she did only because she had to. I say this on the basis of having known other gardeners (my mother among them, long ago) for whom this was invariably true: some parts of gardening were fun, other parts a chore, and the sum total was an enjoyable hobby.
By the same token I quite enjoy DMing; but there's certain aspects of prep and-or follow-up that I neither like nor enjoy doing, and that I do only because I have to in order to facilitate the fun bits. Adventure writing is one such thing: yes I enjoy coming up with the ideas and basics for an adventure but getting it all down on paper (be it real or virtual) in a readable edited form complete with maps etc. is for the most part a long and bloody tedious chore; a chore I do because the payoff is that I then get to run said adventure.
For adventures that aren't my own, the chore part is (if necessary) converting them from another edition and (always) chopping out all the backstory and replacing it to fit into whatever else is going on in the campaign and-or setting.
Same here.
Some parts - and not the same parts for everyone - of playing D&D are or can be a chore. Other parts - again not the same for everyone - can be great fun. One example in our crew is treasury tracking and division. Some players see this as a chore and don't want to do it (and in rare cases in the past might not have been trusted to do it!), meanwhile I'm fine with doing it and thus end up as treasurer in almost any game I'm ever in. Mapping is another one: as player I see it as a chore (I do enough mapping as a DM, thanks!) but there's always another player who enjoys it, and so it gets done.
As long as the "fun" outweighs the "chore" to the point that the end result is enjoyable overall, all is good.
Thanks for your condolences; with all sincerity, they are much appreciated. (The same is on offer for your mom if she has also passed.)
As your own example of model train building and my example of abandoned painting of Blood Bowl minis shows, to my mind an enjoyable end result is not enough to sustain a person's interest in a hobby -
somewhere along the line, the process itself also has to be enjoyable, or, at the very least, enjoyable
enough. I am sure it is correct to say there are aspects of the process of gardening my late wife did not enjoy, but she must have enjoyed the process enough to persist with gardening as a hobby - otherwise, she would have abandoned it, just as you abandoned model trains and I abandoned miniatures painting.
The distinct thing about RPGs is that they have a whole lot more flexibility when it comes to gameplay process and when it comes to what we bother including in the explicitly-declared fiction: if we want to play a game of grand heroic adventure, we can downplay or exclude gameplay processes that force us to consider logistical questions within the fiction, and if we want to play a game of grim and gritty survival, we can include and "foreground" such gameplay processes. We can, in a very real fashion, get the most
enjoyment out of the hobby for the least amount of
chore.
I think at this point I have said my piece on this topic.