Ceramic DM - Spring 2005 (Late Bloomer) - We have a winner.
BSF
Explorer
My last post was while doing work. This post is from home. I should have at least 4-5 hours to myself right now. Let me get a quick bite to eat and see if I can provide any useful commentary. If I can't, then I will begin to compile judgements and I will exercise the Macbeth option. 
Empress, you are correct, this is what a spare judge is for.
I feel pretty badly about this because I tried to avoid having these lengthy waits between stories and judgements. But organizing all of this has been a learning experience. Fortunately, you guys have kept the conversations going with informal critiques and discussion. I really appreciate that! As a spectator and as a competitor, I always enjoyed the discussion and commentary. Ceramic DM should be a fun experience. I always hope to learn a bit more about writing and a bit more about fellow EN Worlders when these crop up. So, please feel free to engage in commentary. Even if you are not competing, your thoughts are very much appreciated by the writers.
Thanks for understanding folks.
Empress, you are correct, this is what a spare judge is for. I feel pretty badly about this because I tried to avoid having these lengthy waits between stories and judgements. But organizing all of this has been a learning experience. Fortunately, you guys have kept the conversations going with informal critiques and discussion. I really appreciate that! As a spectator and as a competitor, I always enjoyed the discussion and commentary. Ceramic DM should be a fun experience. I always hope to learn a bit more about writing and a bit more about fellow EN Worlders when these crop up. So, please feel free to engage in commentary. Even if you are not competing, your thoughts are very much appreciated by the writers.
Thanks for understanding folks.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
BardStephenFox said:
Glad my name isn't Duncan.
BSF
Explorer
Round 1, Match 3 Judgements
OK folks, I am partway through judgements. I am very much enjoying reading your stories. But I am also starting to nod off and I am expecting a call in a few hours to go back in to work. I am going to use Macbeth's judgements in place of my own and annotate my comments later. Hoefully sometime Friday, my time.
Macbeth
Sorry for the delay, my car died over lunch, only to find out it's a really simple problem AFTER I got people to push it out of the street. This is really starting to sound like a string of bad excuses, except it's true... Anyway, here's Match 3:
Herremann the Wise - Of Power and Peace
This story has a very understated solidness about it. It's big. It's long. It's very well written.
This strikes me as a good story, but not a great one, and I don't really understand why I feel this way. I have every reason to think the story was really great, since it has a very deep setting, some strong prose, and a fair plot. But it just doesn't click for me.
Why doesn't it click? I think that has a lot to do with the wordiness. I'm kind of split on this: your prose it strong and flavourful, but all those words seem to bog things down a little too often. It's one of the problems I often find with 'traditional' fantasy tales, since authors seem to like to grab and adjective they can to describe with. Here it bogs down an otherwise strong story. It doesn't wreck it, but at times I felt like I was wading through a sentence to move on to something else.
Your characters come off as a bit melodramatic, but that's fine for this genre. I sometimes found myself thinking "Who talks like that?", but I'll let it slide since it's expected whenever princes, swords and wizards are involved.
RangerWickett
This story was strange, to say the least. I liked it, and you managed to keep things moving well. Never a dull moment in the story.
However, it seemed to me that part of what kept me reading was trying to figure out exactly what was going on, and even by the end I wasn't too sure. Overall, the narrator's point of view impared my understanding of the basic premise of the world. I kept on hoping for some more exposition as to what exactly this world, with the 'netnet' and all, was like. It seemed to me that you were trying to avoid a flat explanation of the world, but I think something like that was needed. I got the story, and I got the important bits, but I felt a little lost as to how the world beyond the grocery store worked.
All of the characters seemed a little flat, but with enough details to make them interesting anyways. The little things (choice of music, speech patterns) made the characters strong, but they lacked depth. They were like a movie set: a nice facade facing the street, but it's just propped up.
Picture use was above average, but nothing too amazing. The use of details was very good (the frost on the ground, the 'frozen' appearance of the kick), but the way of using most of them (the world of the netnet) was a bit contrived. Ceramic DM stories often feature a dream world or internet world to allow strange things, and it always seems like a bit of a stretch. the fact that not all of the pictures were in the netnet is good. If all of the pictures had been from an imaginary world, it would have been a bit of an escape.
Yangnome - Destiny's Call:
The first thing that struck me about this entry was the narator's voice. It really pulls you in, and give the story that hook that gets you through the begining of the story.
However, the middle part of the story, the fight, was a bit off. The concept of it was great, but we didn't need this much detail. Even the writing is good, but we just don't need this much about a fight. It's well described and needed for the story, but we don't really need this much of a blow-by-blow account. Use some of the same description, but drop it to a lower level of detail.
Characterization is good for the most part, but then again, only the narrator really gets any depth. I would have enjoyed having an interaction with another 'mundane' character to give us some idea who this guy is when he's not caught up in strange, otherwordly stuff.
Picture use was solid. All of thepictures were used in a very matter-of-fact manner except for the web, which was one of the stonrger pics. Sure, it was farily abstract, but the picture was definately something I would choose to illustrate. On the other hand, it seems like frosted ground wasn't too important. It does play a part in the story, but it's not as strong as the others. Overall, above average picture use.
Judgement, should it be needed:[sblock]
Ranger Wickett gets my vote by a hair. Despite a slightly confusing setup, the story edges out a win. It's worth noting I would say this is the closest round so far. Great jobs, all around. [/sblock]
Rodrigo Istalindir
Ceramic DM Judgement Round 1 Match 3
Yangnome - Destiny's Call
A great opening. Jim's narration is perfect, the dialect spot-on, and it leads directly into the first picture. The writing is full of nice imagery and details and really sets a nice stage. This opening grabbed me, and continued strong into Jim's meeting with the angel.
The dialog with the angel really comes across well. It hits all the right notes, and I couldn't help but think of some poor yokel in the backwoods being visited by aliens. The spider-web explanation works well, and sets the stage for the picture at the end. More dialog and less exposition would have been better, though. It kinda broke up the rhythm you had going between Jim and the angel.
The fight with the monk, defender of worlds is a little dry and goes on a bit. It also takes Jim out of the story, which is unfortunate. A little more background on the relationship between Suriel and Dongwan would be a welcome substitution.
Picture use: The picture of Jim is just priceless, and works exceptionally well with the prose. The spiderweb is also integral to the story, and is a good metaphor. The monk is conventional, but sometimes you just can't ignore what something is. The bridge in the woods, cloaked in ice, is a little weak. Perhaps if Dongwan won, and by so doing deprived the world of Sueriel's light and heat (referring back to how she appeared to Jim), would have provided a tidier resolution and also tied the picture in more strongly.
RangerWickett -- Untitled
Wow. What a story. It follows in the fine tradition of Stephenson and Gibson, and is a nice piece of cyberpunk. The setting is wierd but recognizable, and filled with little details and observations that bring it alive such as the overreactions of the shoppers to a little bad weather. The lingo and dialogue fit perfectly. There is just enough exposition to frame the story, but the majority of the tale is told through the interactions of the characters, something that is easy to overlook in Ceramic DM.
There are some shortcomings. While the nature of the genre expects the reader to go with the flow and not nitpick over details, having inmates from an asylum for the criminally insane working retail moves the story to far into the absurd. Satire works best when it operates on a serious level and is just plausible enough to make you think twice about whether or not the author is pulling your leg.
The ending is beautiful, serving to both wrap up the story in an effective way and as an inside joke to the net-literate. Lose the supermarket, or tone it down, and this would be a stellar story instead of just very good.
Picture use: Robert looming over the protagonist is effective, though it comes early in the story and really doesn't tie into anything else. The spiderweb as the netnet interface, on the other hand, is textbook Ceramic DM, making something out the picture that isn't obvious and making it integral to the story. The garden is mostly a throw-away, although it does presage the coming ice-storm. The monk/protagonist is slightly more effective, especially as is uses the still-motion to reflect the frozen avatar. Truth be told, I'm of mixed minds with the last too pictures. Virtual reality (like the 'mindscapes' in Berandor's entry) is kind of a shortcut, one step up from using the pictures as pictures. The strength of the story carries it through, though tying the pictures more concretely to the story would have been better.
Herreman the Wise -- Of Power and Peace
Here, the author does a nice job of making the reader feel as if he's stepped into a large world, with a deep and rich history. The deluge of names and places can be a little off-putting at first, but are essential to the setting. The prose and style suit the story, and there is an archness to the writing that accentuates the sense of age and culture.
The conflict between the arrogant elder son and his cousin is quickly established, though unfortunately short-lived. For all the setup, I'd have liked to see E'dhanus' demise come at the end of the story, rather than the middle.
The flashback with the wizard and the spider is brilliantly done. We all assume wizards are wise and mysterious -- it's neat to see something to back up the stereotype.
For all the detail and description, though, not much seems to happen. Long stretche pass with a simple transition, and the ending doesn't seem to follow well with what was done before. Too, the returning of the dragon egg to the barbarians is an unusual action, and while I think it could be justified, I don't think the story sells the conclusion. The story cries out for a longer, more detailed treatment.
Picture use: The solar dew spider and its web is absolutely brilliant. Consider that yoinked for future use. A really cool creature, unfortunately reduced to a cameo here, but worthy of its own story. The bridge is merely descriptive, but once again the author takes a slight twist and instead of going conventional with the monk, makes it a picture of the unfortunate prince hurled skyward. Moses' amazement is well-expressed with the final picture.
Judgement: [sblock]The trend of three wildly divergent stories continues, and this is a good thing (tm). Herreman evokes a deep and complicated fantasy world, RangerWicket gives us a wild cyberpunk tale, and Yangnome an end of the world slugfest. Some really spectacular picture use this match, and writing to equal it. Still, RangerWicket's story oozes creativity and polish, and edges the competition. [/sblock]
Maldur
Oh my, ceramic is heating up.
Yangnome
End of the world, angels, monks trying to safe the (a) world. nice fast paced story, I esp liked the way that the main person, was besides the action, but still a part of the story.
Herremann the Wise
A more fairytale/fantasy style story of the humble, and wise hero, an ancient wizard and dragons
The reacurance of the dragons as the "power item" when they were only mentioned in an offside manner in the intro, was very nice.
RangerWickett
Cyberpunk style! I like it. A nice way of twisting the famous african aspam mail" into a new and exciting story.
Verdict: [sblock]Ranger not only wrote a story in my favourite genre, risky because I could have easily hated it to the core, he also wrote a damn good story. Well done.[/sblock]
Match Results:[sblock]
RangerWickett sweeps this match. But there is no denying that all three competitors provided great stories. Thank each of you for your writing.
RangerWickett, please post what would be best for your schedule as far as pictures for Round 2 go.[/sblock]
OK folks, I am partway through judgements. I am very much enjoying reading your stories. But I am also starting to nod off and I am expecting a call in a few hours to go back in to work. I am going to use Macbeth's judgements in place of my own and annotate my comments later. Hoefully sometime Friday, my time.
Macbeth
Sorry for the delay, my car died over lunch, only to find out it's a really simple problem AFTER I got people to push it out of the street. This is really starting to sound like a string of bad excuses, except it's true... Anyway, here's Match 3:
Herremann the Wise - Of Power and Peace
This story has a very understated solidness about it. It's big. It's long. It's very well written.
This strikes me as a good story, but not a great one, and I don't really understand why I feel this way. I have every reason to think the story was really great, since it has a very deep setting, some strong prose, and a fair plot. But it just doesn't click for me.
Why doesn't it click? I think that has a lot to do with the wordiness. I'm kind of split on this: your prose it strong and flavourful, but all those words seem to bog things down a little too often. It's one of the problems I often find with 'traditional' fantasy tales, since authors seem to like to grab and adjective they can to describe with. Here it bogs down an otherwise strong story. It doesn't wreck it, but at times I felt like I was wading through a sentence to move on to something else.
Your characters come off as a bit melodramatic, but that's fine for this genre. I sometimes found myself thinking "Who talks like that?", but I'll let it slide since it's expected whenever princes, swords and wizards are involved.
RangerWickett
This story was strange, to say the least. I liked it, and you managed to keep things moving well. Never a dull moment in the story.
However, it seemed to me that part of what kept me reading was trying to figure out exactly what was going on, and even by the end I wasn't too sure. Overall, the narrator's point of view impared my understanding of the basic premise of the world. I kept on hoping for some more exposition as to what exactly this world, with the 'netnet' and all, was like. It seemed to me that you were trying to avoid a flat explanation of the world, but I think something like that was needed. I got the story, and I got the important bits, but I felt a little lost as to how the world beyond the grocery store worked.
All of the characters seemed a little flat, but with enough details to make them interesting anyways. The little things (choice of music, speech patterns) made the characters strong, but they lacked depth. They were like a movie set: a nice facade facing the street, but it's just propped up.
Picture use was above average, but nothing too amazing. The use of details was very good (the frost on the ground, the 'frozen' appearance of the kick), but the way of using most of them (the world of the netnet) was a bit contrived. Ceramic DM stories often feature a dream world or internet world to allow strange things, and it always seems like a bit of a stretch. the fact that not all of the pictures were in the netnet is good. If all of the pictures had been from an imaginary world, it would have been a bit of an escape.
Yangnome - Destiny's Call:
The first thing that struck me about this entry was the narator's voice. It really pulls you in, and give the story that hook that gets you through the begining of the story.
However, the middle part of the story, the fight, was a bit off. The concept of it was great, but we didn't need this much detail. Even the writing is good, but we just don't need this much about a fight. It's well described and needed for the story, but we don't really need this much of a blow-by-blow account. Use some of the same description, but drop it to a lower level of detail.
Characterization is good for the most part, but then again, only the narrator really gets any depth. I would have enjoyed having an interaction with another 'mundane' character to give us some idea who this guy is when he's not caught up in strange, otherwordly stuff.
Picture use was solid. All of thepictures were used in a very matter-of-fact manner except for the web, which was one of the stonrger pics. Sure, it was farily abstract, but the picture was definately something I would choose to illustrate. On the other hand, it seems like frosted ground wasn't too important. It does play a part in the story, but it's not as strong as the others. Overall, above average picture use.
Judgement, should it be needed:[sblock]
Ranger Wickett gets my vote by a hair. Despite a slightly confusing setup, the story edges out a win. It's worth noting I would say this is the closest round so far. Great jobs, all around. [/sblock]
Rodrigo Istalindir
Ceramic DM Judgement Round 1 Match 3
Yangnome - Destiny's Call
A great opening. Jim's narration is perfect, the dialect spot-on, and it leads directly into the first picture. The writing is full of nice imagery and details and really sets a nice stage. This opening grabbed me, and continued strong into Jim's meeting with the angel.
The dialog with the angel really comes across well. It hits all the right notes, and I couldn't help but think of some poor yokel in the backwoods being visited by aliens. The spider-web explanation works well, and sets the stage for the picture at the end. More dialog and less exposition would have been better, though. It kinda broke up the rhythm you had going between Jim and the angel.
The fight with the monk, defender of worlds is a little dry and goes on a bit. It also takes Jim out of the story, which is unfortunate. A little more background on the relationship between Suriel and Dongwan would be a welcome substitution.
Picture use: The picture of Jim is just priceless, and works exceptionally well with the prose. The spiderweb is also integral to the story, and is a good metaphor. The monk is conventional, but sometimes you just can't ignore what something is. The bridge in the woods, cloaked in ice, is a little weak. Perhaps if Dongwan won, and by so doing deprived the world of Sueriel's light and heat (referring back to how she appeared to Jim), would have provided a tidier resolution and also tied the picture in more strongly.
RangerWickett -- Untitled
Wow. What a story. It follows in the fine tradition of Stephenson and Gibson, and is a nice piece of cyberpunk. The setting is wierd but recognizable, and filled with little details and observations that bring it alive such as the overreactions of the shoppers to a little bad weather. The lingo and dialogue fit perfectly. There is just enough exposition to frame the story, but the majority of the tale is told through the interactions of the characters, something that is easy to overlook in Ceramic DM.
There are some shortcomings. While the nature of the genre expects the reader to go with the flow and not nitpick over details, having inmates from an asylum for the criminally insane working retail moves the story to far into the absurd. Satire works best when it operates on a serious level and is just plausible enough to make you think twice about whether or not the author is pulling your leg.
The ending is beautiful, serving to both wrap up the story in an effective way and as an inside joke to the net-literate. Lose the supermarket, or tone it down, and this would be a stellar story instead of just very good.
Picture use: Robert looming over the protagonist is effective, though it comes early in the story and really doesn't tie into anything else. The spiderweb as the netnet interface, on the other hand, is textbook Ceramic DM, making something out the picture that isn't obvious and making it integral to the story. The garden is mostly a throw-away, although it does presage the coming ice-storm. The monk/protagonist is slightly more effective, especially as is uses the still-motion to reflect the frozen avatar. Truth be told, I'm of mixed minds with the last too pictures. Virtual reality (like the 'mindscapes' in Berandor's entry) is kind of a shortcut, one step up from using the pictures as pictures. The strength of the story carries it through, though tying the pictures more concretely to the story would have been better.
Herreman the Wise -- Of Power and Peace
Here, the author does a nice job of making the reader feel as if he's stepped into a large world, with a deep and rich history. The deluge of names and places can be a little off-putting at first, but are essential to the setting. The prose and style suit the story, and there is an archness to the writing that accentuates the sense of age and culture.
The conflict between the arrogant elder son and his cousin is quickly established, though unfortunately short-lived. For all the setup, I'd have liked to see E'dhanus' demise come at the end of the story, rather than the middle.
The flashback with the wizard and the spider is brilliantly done. We all assume wizards are wise and mysterious -- it's neat to see something to back up the stereotype.
For all the detail and description, though, not much seems to happen. Long stretche pass with a simple transition, and the ending doesn't seem to follow well with what was done before. Too, the returning of the dragon egg to the barbarians is an unusual action, and while I think it could be justified, I don't think the story sells the conclusion. The story cries out for a longer, more detailed treatment.
Picture use: The solar dew spider and its web is absolutely brilliant. Consider that yoinked for future use. A really cool creature, unfortunately reduced to a cameo here, but worthy of its own story. The bridge is merely descriptive, but once again the author takes a slight twist and instead of going conventional with the monk, makes it a picture of the unfortunate prince hurled skyward. Moses' amazement is well-expressed with the final picture.
Judgement: [sblock]The trend of three wildly divergent stories continues, and this is a good thing (tm). Herreman evokes a deep and complicated fantasy world, RangerWicket gives us a wild cyberpunk tale, and Yangnome an end of the world slugfest. Some really spectacular picture use this match, and writing to equal it. Still, RangerWicket's story oozes creativity and polish, and edges the competition. [/sblock]
Maldur
Oh my, ceramic is heating up.
Yangnome
End of the world, angels, monks trying to safe the (a) world. nice fast paced story, I esp liked the way that the main person, was besides the action, but still a part of the story.
Herremann the Wise
A more fairytale/fantasy style story of the humble, and wise hero, an ancient wizard and dragons
The reacurance of the dragons as the "power item" when they were only mentioned in an offside manner in the intro, was very nice.
RangerWickett
Cyberpunk style! I like it. A nice way of twisting the famous african aspam mail" into a new and exciting story.
Verdict: [sblock]Ranger not only wrote a story in my favourite genre, risky because I could have easily hated it to the core, he also wrote a damn good story. Well done.[/sblock]
Match Results:[sblock]
RangerWickett sweeps this match. But there is no denying that all three competitors provided great stories. Thank each of you for your writing.
RangerWickett, please post what would be best for your schedule as far as pictures for Round 2 go.[/sblock]
RangerWickett
Legend
I'm honored to have had my work mentioned as having anything to do with Neal Stephenson or William Gibson. I'm mostly just glad that people enjoyed the story.
BSF, I'm not really free at all, but I have time here and there to write, so any day works other than the 4th of July. I imagine we won't get the judgements on match 4 until then at least anyway. And I'd prefer if you not post pics on a Friday. Other than that, though, I'm all good.
Thank you to the judges, and to my opponents for a fun round.
BSF, I'm not really free at all, but I have time here and there to write, so any day works other than the 4th of July. I imagine we won't get the judgements on match 4 until then at least anyway. And I'd prefer if you not post pics on a Friday. Other than that, though, I'm all good.
Thank you to the judges, and to my opponents for a fun round.
Macbeth
First Post
Before I write a judgement, I want to know if Arwink's story is being judged or just commented on! I'm not sure it'll make a difference either way (I haven't decided anything yet), but I'd like to know where we stand.BardStephenFox said:I would like to kick judgements up today. But I have already been at work for 6 hours and it might be quite a while longer before I am done for the day.
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