1000 Signs you're in GM HELL

[Chimera]

239: A character's stats, hp, and equipment are all upgraded without DM permission between game sessions and the player does not think the DM will notice.

239a. Player decides that +1 sword given in adventure is not good enough and makes it a +2 instead. When called on the carpet, he insists that he has a +2 sword, despite GM having copy of adventure showing otherwise. When asked to see his character sheet, it is not listed anywhere in his possessions. So player writes it in and then declares that since it is now written on his character sheet, it is what he has.

 

[Thundering_Dragon]

54. Your group decides to track down the pick pocket in town who stole 5 gold from them....
55. He is 12 years old....
56. Its for food for himself and his little sister....
57. The Party casts Discern Location and Teleport w/out Error to get to the kid....
58. Demand 10 gold back

Did that actually happen?

 

[fuindordm]

#+5: The druid that WS into a fire elemental thinks he should be immune to horrid wilting.

Actually, I think that's a pretty damn clever use of wild shape. I would have let that pass.

Ben

 

[Morte]

244: You're GMing tonight, haven't got anything prepared, haven't got any ideas, aren't especially creative, have used all the off-the-shelf material already, don't like the preparation side of GMing, and are only GMing because if you don't nobody else will and there won't be a game.

 

[Rafael Ceurdepyr]

245. You're running a Pendragon game--y'know, all honor and knights and chivalry--and you come to the campfire of the ogre your players have tracked down while searching for a lost fair maiden. You describe the horror of finding the body of said maiden, and she's been half-eaten by the ogre, when one of players (who hasn't quite gotten the concept of Pendragon) leeringly asks, "Which half?"

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Actually, I think that's a pretty damn clever use of wild shape. I would have let that pass.

Ben

Keep the horrid wilting on fire elementals discussion out of this thread. Abi-Dalzim's spinning in his grave.

 

[Storm Raven]

239a. Player decides that +1 sword given in adventure is not good enough and makes it a +2 instead. When called on the carpet, he insists that he has a +2 sword, despite GM having copy of adventure showing otherwise. When asked to see his character sheet, it is not listed anywhere in his possessions. So player writes it in and then declares that since it is now written on his character sheet, it is what he has.

As DM, I would write "irrevocably dead" on his character sheet, and declare that since it is written on it, it is what he is.

 

[Odysseus]

246. A player declares his hobbit character is so big, he can use medium sized weapons ,singles handed without penalty.
247. You tell the group to have anything they want for character creation, just keep it low powered. And a player comes back with a character with all 18+ stats.
248. One of your players is playing an evil backstabing character. And complains nobody likes his character.
249. One of the players complains constantly about another player. But you can't do anything about it, because your married to her.

 

[Celebrim]

250. When, at that beginning of a new campaign, one of your player's brings in a type written 30 page background on his new character, and after reading over it carefully you realize that he wants to play an anti-social recluse that has absolutely no desire to be involved in any adventures and will violently resist contact by the other PC's.
251. One of your players brings his girlfriend, a gothic chick whom he continually refers to as 'his b1tch' and he procedes to physically and verbally abuse her.
252. A new player who is the good friend of half your players shows up with a character concept - half-elven vampire werewolf thief/wizard/assassin who is armed with a sphere of annilation and a quiver of arrows of slaying, and you are expected to work his character concept into your gritty low level low magic campaign.
253. You assemble a crack team of reliable roleplayers, who proeceed to create a vivid multi-ethnic party of do gooders, but your adventure requires them to successfully blend into a xenophobic racist culture.
254. You create a devious dungeon filled with traps, only to have the party split up to make exploring 'more efficient'.
255. You spend months creating an elaborate dark campaign setting with an epic story arc, only to have every campaign end on the first night because your players are 'getting into character' and having more fun backstabbing and betraying each other than they are exploring thier environment.
256. You create an adventure that depends on role playing, only to discover that the group of players that advertised themselves as primarily role players is actually primarily hack and slashers.
257. You spend months creating a deep dungeon filled with endless varied monsters, tactical situations, and hordes of treasure for a group that wants 'first edition feel', only to have them complain about the lack of role playing oppurtunities.
258. You create a mystery adventure that depends on problem solving, puzzles, detective work and deductive reasoning for a group of high intellect nerds, only to discover that they there are primarily rules lawyers that are used to solving problems by meta-gaming.
259. You discover that your PC group of close friends primarily wants to meet to socialize and talk about the latest episode of B5/Battlestar Galactica/Firefly/Star Wars/whatever or the release of Starcraft/Diablo 2/World of Warcraft/Age of Empires/etc., and that you are only get an hour or two of actual gaming done in a session, but they get upset with you if you don't continually crack the whip to force people to stay on topic.

 

[Einan]

260. When playing D20 Star Wars, one of the players constantly asks to play a Droideka. When you refuse, he makes a tech specialist C3PO unit and constant complains because he can't hit what he's aiming at.
261. Said player steals the party's starship after being told that his roll of 25 on a security check is not enough to break into the opposition's starship. Of course, he leaves with the ship, stranding the rest of the party who are trying to rescue a kidnapped teen.
262. You weep, because you realize that this performance is still better than the last ten game he's been in where he constantly tried to kill/get the other players killed because they "weren't playing good characters."
263. You realize that after spending six months playing an extremely complicated D&D game, none of the PCs have any reason to complete their ultimate quest. All of the original PCs have dropped out or been killed.