1000 Signs you're in GM HELL

[ARandomGod]

I'm gonna have to use that destroyer of worlds background in my next character creation. Seriously. That one's got to be fun!

185. The Rogue takes a sorcerer level and wants to train his monkey familiar to be a "loot Monkey" so he can get loot from fallen foes in combat before others.

Hey, the loot monkey is a time-honored tradition!

Another time honored tradition is to just allow the rogue to carry everything, and shake the rogue down thoroughly at the end of each adventure.

 

[Bihor]

53. Your BBEG makes his mandatory "You are brave, but this is none of your business. I let you leave, go home now" speech, and the party actually goes.

It apened to me.

 

[Rafael Ceurdepyr]

204. A player insists on playing a phraint in a MERPS game.

(A no-prize goes to whoever knows what a phraint is AND what MERPS is.)

 

[maggot]

Oh, I've got another one:

205. You are running a super-heroes game and your players disadvantages include "allergic to jello", "hated enemy: who ever we are fighting right now", and "vow: must breathe in and out".

 

[jasper]

204. You make some adjustments to a published adventure and get told to run it as written.
205. You do so and kill the favorite pc with the vorpal weapon the monster uses. So your ride forgets to take you home after the game.
206. you steal names out of phone book for npc and the players complain but their names are ripped for the comics or lotr.
207. you write a dungeon to challenge the players and pc only to spend the night watching inter party fights because of something that happen in school which had nothing to do with the game.
208. players want to change infravision due the tv special or special effect in the movie they just saw.
209. players dance a jig and laugh when bbeg goes down in one round but cry if they take 3 pts of damage.
210. Players threaten you with violence if you don't rule in your favor. You don't and have to go get the wedgie out of your pants before the game can go on.

 

[fafhrd]

211. After repeated warnings about wearing armor in the desert, the one guy who refuses to take it off fails a fort save, takes 3 non-lethal damage, and then gets so upset about it that he wants to fall on his sword.

 

[Ibram]

212: at the mid point of the adventure, right after they discover who the BBEG is, they decide to go half way across the world to a part of your homebrew that you have never fleshed out.

213: After a world shaking change to your campaing world, and the begining of a whole new set of story archs headed into new regions of the world, the players just sit in an inn ignoring any plothooks

214: Over a year later you describe the events of an above campaing to one of the players, and they tell you that they dont remember it, but that it sounds realy cool and they wish they could go back and play it again.

 

[Oryan77]

215. Mr. Jack Daniels causes a player to roleplay her PC as a whore in the local tavern.

216. The group of men she is throwing herself at in the tavern is unknowingly the towns mob boss & henchmen.

217. This drunk player is the DM's (me) girlfriend.

218. The new group of players don't like their new characters they've been playing, so they make new ones and suggest stopping the current side quest adventure in order to begin playing in the published module the old group was playing.

219. Players are only around to play once every 2 months.

220. Players begin complaining about your campaign because it doesn't feel personal to them yet and they aren't familiar with the setting yet.

221. You assure them if they show up more regularly, they will love your campaign. They all agree, and still never show up more than once every 2 months.

 

[DM-Rocco]

222. Your player introduces his new character, "Squeaks," a psionic mouse.
223. You just play yesterday and the players can't remember what happened
224. The party Cleric takes Druid levels to shape change into anything that will kill the party loot mnkey
225. Your PCs always attack, thus ruining you plot points
226. You just throw creatures at them cause they ruin your plot points and they complain because you have to style

 

[IcyCool]

227. You state that "No arguing rules with the DM at the table unless it is a matter of your character's survival." as a table rule, and then have a player who argues every rule (and is wrong most of the time). This player also constantly claims that you need to be on the lookout for one of the other players because, "He's a really bad rules lawyer."

228. The player he warns you about hasn't given you an ounce of trouble.

229. The party splits up, with one group camping out safely for the night and one out exploring. One of the players in the camping group complains bitterly and loudly that "this is boring" or "the DM should never allow the party to split up" etc., but when the party splits up again and this time he's in on the action, you don't hear a peep out of him. Oddly enough, none of the other players complain in either scenario.