1000 Signs you're in GM HELL

[Storyteller01]

Unacceptable. This guy AND his buddies would've been deNIED!

Agreed, but the wife let it slide, since she 'got to meet them'. We regretted it later.

 

[IcyCool]

118. You have a player that adds up each bonus individually for each roll of the dice. Doesn't matter if it is the same as the previous roll. Doesn't ever write anything down...

*sigh* Sadly, this happens quite a bit.

#+6: The paladin in the party has no problem threatening/torturing/killing prisoners (because they are evil).

151. The paladin in the party has no problem threatening to kill his bosom companions. For pretty much anything.

 

[Cintra]

152. One player plays a paladin, but keeps talking out of character about all the evil stuff he wishes he could have his character do.

153. Another player plays a manic-depressive rogue with serious abandonment issues who bursts into tears and yells and screams every single time the party is trying to sneak into some place, because being told to hush makes her feel rejected.

154. A third player is playing a wizard who doesn't want to cast any damaging spells because he hates the sight of blood. So instead he shoots arrows at people (umm, isn't that blood too???).

155. The final player is running a tiefling who is convinced the entire world sucks, and she insults everyone else every chance she gets.

156. You're afraid to complain about any of the above, because this is the best role-playing you've gotten out of this group in a couple of years.

 

[Heathen72]

118. You have a player that adds up each bonus individually for each roll of the dice. Doesn't matter if it is the same as the previous roll. Doesn't ever write anything down.

157. The person doing that is you

 

[Abstraction]

106. You draw out the elaborate temple of death on the battle mat and then realize you are using a permanent marker.
107. Your players present there characters for a four-color superhero game, and they are all gun-toting gangster-wannabes.
108. You plan an adventure around a key player who shows up for every session, except this one.
109. Next game, you plan another adventure around a different player but ask first if he can make it, but at the last minute he doesn't show.
110. So you plan an intricate plot that revolves around the background of three of your six players, figuring one of them would have to make it. Figuring incorrectly at that.
111. One of the backgrounds submitted for your low-fantasy campaign begins with "I am the sunderer of worlds. I was born with the birth of time and have led countless civilizations to their distruction."
112. Actually, regardless of the campaign you are running, you get the background in #109.
113. You get a player who submits a D&D character with stats all in the 20s and 30s for first level, and the player claims to have rolled him up fairly.
114. For a champions game, you get a player whose character concept is "any power with a stop sign next to it."
115. A new character in your superhero game takes the mimic power, and then with each mimic, asks, "What does this power do?"
116. A d20 player takes 5 minutes each turn to figure out how much to power attack by and how much to set his combat reflexes by.
117. After you have started skipping the player in #114 as he decides these thing, he continues to argue that he should be able to take as much time as he wants.
118. You have a player that adds up each bonus individually for each roll of the dice. Doesn't matter if it is the same as the previous roll. Doesn't ever write anything down.
119. You have a player request to make his own feat, and then turns in a twenty-page disceration on what the feat does.
120. You have a player who hates your game, but shows up anyway and makes backhanded comments all the time.
121. You have a player who can only play Evil characters, and I mean Evil with a capital E: plotting truly vile stuff like genocide regardless of the campaign style or theme.
122. You write a detailed campaign arc around a character, and the player switches to a different character.
123. So you write another detailed campaign arc around a character, and the player switches to yet another different character.
124. So you don't bother to write another detailed campaign arc for that player's character, and he quits the game because you didn't include him in any of the plots.
125. You have a player who must tell his story of Hrrg lizardfolk barbarian at least once per session.
126. You have two players who argue over who lost the Great Diamond of Zerkog. Two campaigns ago.
127. You really know you are in GM hell, when all this happens you to and you keep on playing anyway.

158. You can't reference your own quotes accurately.

 

[derbacher]

Posted by Abstraction

158. You can't reference your own quotes accurately.

159. Your three players manage to find a fourth for the RPGA game your running after the regular fourth cancelled 15 minutes ago, after he called just 2 hours ago saying he would "definitely be there." The fourth is a demented little monkey who keeps saying "I'm a lucky monkey" every time he rolls anything successfully.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Originally Posted by Storyteller01
138: Telling the new guy that the wife has rules about uninvited guests, then having him walk in with two of his buddies....

Unacceptable. This guy AND his buddies would've been deNIED!

I have friends who have that as an "unspoken" rule as it's their house. So, if I'm wanting to bring anyone over for a game or whatnot, I ask permission first.

 

[Junkmaster357]

#160: There's a N/E Half-Elf Ninja in the party who goes around in public wearing his Ninja suit....
#161: ...and he decides to train an attack lizard...
#162: ...to assist him in "talking his way past a chryohydra" and is surprised that the monster nearly kills them...
#163: ...after which the Half-Orc Barbarian decides to "put the animal out of it's misery..."
#164: ...which causes the ninja to attack the Barbarian and die horribly as a result...
#165: ...and finally the Half-orc has the half-elf for lunch. (at least we never saw the ninja's player again, he sucked and would ONLY play evil characters)
#166: All but one of your players agree to the "no-evil pc's" house rule you made to simplify the game, except the only one who couldn't play ANY alignment correctly, let alone L/E.
#167: One of the PC's could concievably beat Kord at an arm wrestling contest.
#168: The Rogue moves at a speed of 190 walking, and insists on spending 10 minutes every turn to figure out his EXACT movement.
#169: The Sorcerer has a CHA of 36, and always has to woo random NPCs, sometimes in groups of 15, and then wants to roleplay his orgy..

 

[demiurge1138]

#170. One of your players really wants to DM, so he spends all his time trying to steer the game into wierd new territory.
#171. More than one of your players really want to DM, so they try to steer the story in conflicting directions.
#172. Your players decide to "get revenge" on you for your character's actions in the previous game, and derail yours.
#173. None of your players can ever remember NPC names, location names, or even what quest they're on.
#174. You introduce the Deck of Many Things into your game. Foolish you.
#175. Your player can never remember how to roll for anything. No attack roll, no skill check, no save is complete without explaining what bonuses go where.
#176. Your player is a sore "loser", and whines, pouts, complains, and blames people when his PC is killed due to poor luck or his own stupidity.
#177. Your player gets bored with his character every couple of sessions and arranges for his death or retirement so he can make a new one.

Demiurge out.

 

[Heathen72]

#170. . ----> #177.
Demiurge out.

All of those cut way too close to the bone!