1001 Magic Items Nobody Wants
- Thread starter demiurge1138
- Start date
PowerWordDumb
First Post
491: Catheter of the Titans
492: Depends(tm)-brand Armor of the incontinent
493: Ring of Stone-falling
492: Depends(tm)-brand Armor of the incontinent
493: Ring of Stone-falling
Sejs
First Post
So we're getting racist now?
Yes sir, we are indeed! That's right, you heard me - all german men named Hans are muscular and they wear speedos and they enjoy flexing!
(much to the delight of all their lady-fans)
^_^
Back on track, however. Heh.
494. Armor of the Dead Emporer (No special effects... was just owned by a now-deceased emporer at one point)
495. Weapon of Pursespewing
496. Dwarven Waraxe +2, Charnel Leaver (weapon can't stand the sight of blood and will compel wielder to flee any scenes of violence)
497. Snackrificial Knife - only useful for preparing quick, small meals.
498. Rod, Fleshbeater - ... we'll just not get into the details about what that one does.
499. Belt of the Dread Emporer: +4 on checks to keep up the Pants of the Dread Emporer. Bonus stacks with the Suspenders of the Dread Emporer.
MarauderX
Explorer
500. Belt of Gravity
501. Pants of Falling (AKA Trousers of Dropping)
502. Shoelaces of Tying (to the opposed shoe, unfortunately)
503. Cloak of Smurfkind (wearer shrinks and skin turns blue, and can only mutter things in "Smurf-speak")
504. Rug of Spewing Dust (cough, cough)
505. Weed of Noxious Vapors (Dooood....)
506. Spectacles of Hindsight (20/20 of course)
507. Scrolls of Infinite Red Tape (found in most government offices)
508. Ogre-sized fairy clothing
501. Pants of Falling (AKA Trousers of Dropping)
502. Shoelaces of Tying (to the opposed shoe, unfortunately)
503. Cloak of Smurfkind (wearer shrinks and skin turns blue, and can only mutter things in "Smurf-speak")
504. Rug of Spewing Dust (cough, cough)
505. Weed of Noxious Vapors (Dooood....)
506. Spectacles of Hindsight (20/20 of course)
507. Scrolls of Infinite Red Tape (found in most government offices)
508. Ogre-sized fairy clothing
Purkle-chan
First Post
509: Decanter of endless gravy.
510: Decanter of endless weak tea.
511: Holey Socks (They look normal most of the time, untill important guests come round unexpected, then they always have a hole in them)
512: Leomund's Magnificant Maze (an instant maze appears, with you in the middle.)
513: Decanter of endless salt water.
Edit: Sorted out the numbering.
510: Decanter of endless weak tea.
511: Holey Socks (They look normal most of the time, untill important guests come round unexpected, then they always have a hole in them)
512: Leomund's Magnificant Maze (an instant maze appears, with you in the middle.)
513: Decanter of endless salt water.
Edit: Sorted out the numbering.
Last edited:
dok
First Post
Love it...
The snackraficial knife - good for opening bags of chips...
What, did you miss #361 - Manuel of Bodily Health? I left out "Manuel of Quickness in Action" because of the naughtier connotations...
And, so I'm still contributing to the list:
514. Neverburning torch. Too light for a club, won't catch on fire. Ever.
Edit: fixing numbers because I took too long composing.
The snackraficial knife - good for opening bags of chips...
What, did you miss #361 - Manuel of Bodily Health? I left out "Manuel of Quickness in Action" because of the naughtier connotations...
And, so I'm still contributing to the list:
514. Neverburning torch. Too light for a club, won't catch on fire. Ever.
Edit: fixing numbers because I took too long composing.
Last edited:
Halivar
First Post
526. Baby Seal of Clubbing (blue fur, multiple piercings, listens to Crystal Method)
527. Singing Sword of Tone-deafness
528. Dancing Sword of Clumsiness
529. Talisman of Zeno (good for long road trips)
530. Book of Infinite Levels (at least, no DM wants it)
531. Scarab of Golem Protection (from you, that is)
532. Periapt of Plot Closure (good for ending a campaign just before the big exciting battle)
533. Pipes of the Suers (summons a RIAA lawyer)
534. Roach of Shielding
535. Sword of Flaming (don't let it on USEnet, doesn't react well with Swords of Trolling)
536. Montalban of Spell Resistance (There IS NO plane! He sees through your trickery!)
537. Nolzur's Fingerpaints (that's it... just fingerpaint)
538. Perl of Power (no time to code, I got three campaigns to play!)
539. Mall of the Titans (no Sbarro's)
540. Mirror of Pole Position (it's missing a controller)
541. Goggles of Female Resistance (otherwise known as "birth-control glasses")
542. Amulet of Plane Attraction (airplanes, that is; one word: "duck")
527. Singing Sword of Tone-deafness
528. Dancing Sword of Clumsiness
529. Talisman of Zeno (good for long road trips)
530. Book of Infinite Levels (at least, no DM wants it)
531. Scarab of Golem Protection (from you, that is)
532. Periapt of Plot Closure (good for ending a campaign just before the big exciting battle)
533. Pipes of the Suers (summons a RIAA lawyer)
534. Roach of Shielding
535. Sword of Flaming (don't let it on USEnet, doesn't react well with Swords of Trolling)
536. Montalban of Spell Resistance (There IS NO plane! He sees through your trickery!)
537. Nolzur's Fingerpaints (that's it... just fingerpaint)
538. Perl of Power (no time to code, I got three campaigns to play!)
539. Mall of the Titans (no Sbarro's)
540. Mirror of Pole Position (it's missing a controller)
541. Goggles of Female Resistance (otherwise known as "birth-control glasses")
542. Amulet of Plane Attraction (airplanes, that is; one word: "duck")
Kae'Yoss
First Post
andargor said:
That's the whole point. The ring is useless, since the DM can Rule 0 it. (and the fact that it wouldn't work in RL)
Andargor
But there are scrolls of charm dm that actually work. They can be recognized by the large numbers (both in size and in amount) and either famous people or great buildings or something (depending on where it was created) which adore it.
