1001 Magic Items Nobody Wants

Sejs · Jul 24, 2003

501. Pants of Falling (AKA Trousers of Dropping)

See, now there's an item that would go well with the Suspenders of the Dread Emporer!

And to keep the ball rolling, two pair of magic underpants:

543. Panties of Shielding
544. Thong of Gin Resistance

Kae'Yoss · Jul 24, 2003

Sejs said:
Yes sir, we are indeed! That's right, you heard me - all german men named Hans are muscular and they wear speedos and they enjoy flexing!

Dunno, Hans Rosenthal was more of the slight type. But he's dead, and I don't know of any other Hans right away, so you might be right after all.

545. Boomerang of Returning
546. Animal food of fire immunity (Could be embarrasing at the bar-b-q)
547. Rod of Eminem Protection
548. Bowl of Crying
549. Goggles of no-light vision
550. Herring of Tree Felling (this does not count if your name is Arthur)
551. Cloak of resistance (a real pain to put that one on).

Iced Tea · Jul 25, 2003

cod piece of cutting
wings of falling
"eye on stone" of blindness
computer of annyoying pop-ups

Iced Tea · Jul 25, 2003

552
553
554
555

andargor · Jul 25, 2003

Andargor[/i] [B](and the fact that it wouldn't work in RL)[/B][/QUOTE] [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by KDLadage said:
Gotcha.
Why not? Sombody has to be running this show...

You're right! Normally the Ring of DM Control rests on the hand of the mate of the DM.

Andargor

KDLadage · Jul 25, 2003

For those that would like to get the whole list without going back through the pages (and to get the count correct... we messed up someplace)...

Decanter Of Endless Socks
The Kidney Of Vecna
Filing Cabinet Of Keen Edges
The Ring Of Reguritation
Belt Of Obesity
Spectacles Of Dyslexia
Boots Of Squishness
Hammer Of Dunderbolts
Boots Of Sleeze
Ring Of Vampiric Regurgitation
Robe Of Pies
Daern's Instant Tortise
Otto's Irresistible Dance Dance Revolution Arcade Game
Deck Of Protrusions
Vorpal Spatula
Figurine Of Wondrous Power: Gypsum Commoner
Sphere Of Phlegm
Belt Of The Nunnery
Hamhock Of The Titans
Juggling-Clubs Of Annihilation
Vorpal Runcible Spoon
Ioun Stone Of Summoning ("Fiendish Girillion, I Choose You!")
Deck Of Few Things
An Ogre-Slaying Knife That's Got A +9 Against Ogres
Ethereal Fly Swatter
Keen Spoon
Key Ring Of Random Teleportation ("I Thought I Put Them *Right Here*!!!)
Ring Of Trolling
Gauntlets Of Meepo
Wand Of Nerfing
Scroll Of Errata
Cloak Of The Munchkin
Tome Of First Printing
Toothpick Of Splintering
Ever-Dribbling Goblet
Cauldron Of Flatulence
Lintball +1
Collar Of The Jive Turkey
Lute Of Headbanging
The Foreigner Belt! (Athf, Anyone?)
Scroll Of Bigby's Soiled Underpants
Probe Of The Archmagi
Necklace Of Hairballs
Ring Of Lizardry
Opera Radish Of Koala
Immovable Spam
Bottle Of Hair
Banjo Of Deliverance
Pearl Of The Swines
Mask Of The Krusk
Dust Of Many Itches
Boomerang Of Annihilation.
Portable Hole Robe.
Tome Of Understanding V3.5.
Money Pouch Of Devouring.
Mixed 1980's Tape Of Vecna.
Sofa Of Telepathy.
D&D Miniatures (That Come To Life And Hack Up Your Copies Of 3.0 In Your Sleep).
Decanter Of Endless Tears
Myrlands Spork
Sovereign Grue.
Orb Of Paperweighting.
Sword Of Zero Reach.
Periapt Of The Helm Of Bracers +4
Slippers Of Fish Climbing.
Ring Of Betrothal (Type: Gibbering Mouthers)
The Dreaded Half-Horned Helm Of Huzzah!
Britches Of Eternal Soiling
Potion Of Gasiest Form
Boots Of Dwarvenkind
The Horny Helmet
Bow Of Arrow Snaring
Codpiece Of Lightning
Club Of Hamster Slaying
Helm Of The Mullet
Potion Of Instant Cheese
Leomund's Secret Lunchbox
Wings Of The Penguin
Necklace Of Hairballs
Horseshoes Of Fancy-Prancing
Wand Of Melf's Miniature Marshmellows
The Hastur Hastur Hastur Karaoke Machine.
Boots Of Bump.
The Nipple Ring Of Protection.
The Wand Of Wand.
Book Of Vile Cooking
Hotmail Account Of Endless Spam
Dicebag Of Pointblank Shot (Stick The Die In, Take The Die Out, Fire!)
Immovable Ship
Dentures Of Exploding
Underwire Bra Of Eternal Poking
Chainmail Thong Bikini Underpants
High Heeled Boots Of Foot Stench
Ointment Of Pimples.
Decanter Of Endless Hot Chocolate.
The Whining Diamond
Belt Of Kobald Strength
Bracelet Of Tax Collectors
Broom Of Sweeping
Codpiece Of Keen Edges
The Fez Of Fopppery And Flatulence
Girdle Of Woodchuck Friendship
Dehydrated Plot Device- Just Add Water!
Bard's Amulet Of Tone Deafness.
Gauntlets Of Live Bait.
Belt Of Summon Ladybug.
Quall's Feather Token--Bread (Becomes A Piece Of Burnt Toast)
Spear (+10 Vs. Level 1 Wizards) Wieldable Only By Kobolds.
Doggie Biscuit Of Werewolf Attraction
Butterknife Of Masonry Slaying
Ioun Stone Of Vertigo
Remote Control Of Blinking
Potion Of True Resurrection
Decanter Of Endless Urine
Keen Vorpal Dental Floss
Girdle Of Firm Support
Decanter Of Endless Catsup
Quall's Feather Token (Feather)
Picnic Basket Of Summon Swarm
Ever-Rolling D20
Gm's Censer Of Min/Max Player From Hell Summoning Ix
Ever-Bitching Wife Of True Nagging - Very Possibly A Cursed Item (Only Removable By A Miracle Spell)
Vorpal Club
Onyx Ball (It's Like A Crystal Ball . . . But It's Black (It Does Have Those Three Odd Holes)).
Ring Of Binding (It Goes Between The Pinky And The Middle Finger On The Left Hand).
Robe Of Noses
The Rod Of Lordly Won't
The Staff Of Striking (Quits Working At Random, Demands More Pay).
Nolzur's Marvelous Pig
Daern's Exceedingly Slow Fortress
Brassierre Of Controlling Fire Elementals
Gloves Of Devouring
Bucknard's Way Too Full Purse
Heward's Handy Hacky Sack
Eversmoking Roommate
Rod Of Insecurity
Quaal's Feather Token: Silver Piece (Cost: 100 Gp)
Periapt Of Unsubstantiated Proof Against Poison
Ring Of Spell Checking
Greased Rope Of Climbing
Expandable Poll
Immovable Cod
Brilliant Energy Comb
Flaming Hairpin
Book Of Vile Dorkness- Something No D&D Gamer Should Be Without
Doggie Bag Of Holding- For Those Times When You're Really On The Run
Censor Of Controlling Air Waves- So You Can Say No To All Those Naughty Wizards Trasmitting Smut All Throughout The Multiverse
Ring Of Blinking- Eyes Only
Boots Of Striding And Streaking.
Scabbard Of Scabs.
Girdle Of Disguise.
Helm Of The Red Mage.
Quaal's Feather Token- Token.
Rod Of Peasantly Might.
Rod Of Enlarging (Uses Enlarge Person, Usable Only By Outsiders)
Wand Of Enlarge Personal Debts
Robe Of Useless Things
Scorching Heat
Deck Of Delusions (You Think You're Protected By A Dragon Etc.)
Power Word, Kill Me.
Otto's Irresistable Riverdance (Or Morris Dance)
Hide Enemies.
Figurine Of Wondrous Power: Brass Powergamer
Cure Minor Wounds, Mass
Gem Of Being Seen.
Staff Of Powerlessness
(D20Modern) Tele Of Endless Ads.
Vecna's Head
Vecna's Pinkie
Protection From Healing Spells
Ring Of Energy Vulnerability
Weapon Of Disruption (Disrupts All Your Spellcasting)
Weapon Of Shock (Everytime An Enemy Appears You Have To Make A Fort Save Dc 20 Or Die Of A Heart Attack)
Flame Tongue
Frost Bite
Ring Of Ground Walking
Wings Of Falling
Quaal's Feather Token - Feather Duster.
The "Rod" Of Vecna
The Clicky-Base Of Vecna
Power-Word: Bolus
The Brain Of Brett
Uncomfortable Hunk Of Metal Of Ass Storing
Eyes Of The Potato
I Can't Believe It's Not Healing Potion!
Scroll Of Permanent Time Stop
Indestructible Flask Of Alchemist Fire
Hammer Of Dwarf Throwing
Helm Of Arrow Catching
Javelin Of Lighting
Vunerable Coat Of Arn
Hammock Of The Titans
Scarab Of Golembrain
Codpiece Of Arrow Attraction
Holier-Than-Thou Avenger
Blindfold Of Elfsight
Ring Of Weather Falling
Wetsuit Of Sinking +83
Ever-Moist Water-Repellant Socks
Building Foundation Of Crumbling +4
22 Mice In An 11-Hamster Bag.
Bag Of Dropping.
Permanently Invisible Television
Solar Powered Torch Of Daylight.
Ring Of Panty Shielding
Mighty Helm Of Persparation
Necklass Of Fireball Jawbreakers
Pillow Of The Merelith
Trashbin Of Out Of Date Catchphrases. The Catchphrases, Once Inserted, Are No Longer In The Gameworld. Useful For Words And Phrases Such As "Nerfed", "Def", "Monte Cook Says...", "X Got The Shaft", And "Boss".
Codpiece Of Horrid Wilting
Ring Of Wizardry 0 (Doubles All Cantrips!)
Heward's Heavy Haversack
Robe Of Cursed Things
Codpeice Of Monsterous Attention
Bedpan Of Holding
Hat Of Devouring
Longbow +1, Oathblow
Vorpal Ioun Stone
Longsword +1, Lametongue
Potion Of Cat's Strength
Potion Of Bull's Grace
Potion Of Protection From Elements (Hydrogen)
Ring Of Degeneration
Oil Flask Of Fire Extinguishing
Moveable Rod
Pocket Aparatus Of Kwalish
Bag Of Withholding
Belt, Nudist's
Molding Boat
Bracelet Of Enemies
Broom Of Cleansing
Candle Of Slight Illumination
Carpet Of Not Tracking Those Muddy Boots All Over The House
Cloak Of Elviskind
Cloak Of The Manta Cone, Spread, Or Burst
Cloak Of Resistance Is Futile
Cubic Grate
Daern's Instant Coffee-Mate
Decanter Of Endless Expectations
Eyes Of The Beagle
Glove Of Snoring
Heward's Handy Hackeysack
Horn Of Frog
Illicit Herbage Of Meditation
Rubber Bands Of Bilaro
Matlock Of The Titans
Mall Of The Titans
Necklace Of **** Beads
Lead Pipes Of Pain
Stationary Hole
Archmagi Of The Archmagi
Robe Of 3-Speed Blending
Robe Of Noses
Red Tape Of Entanglement
Pillow Of Keen Edges
Scarab, Golembanebane
Squeaky Clown Shoes Of Spider Climbing
Well Of Current World
Wings Of Frying
Deck Of Single Thing
Bathrobe Of The Archmagi
Bead Of Farce
Portaloo Hole
Broom Of The Mother-In-Law
Platemail Of Thievery
Stone Horse (Rocking)
Medalion Of Amorous Thoughts
Codpiece Of Reduction (Codpiece Of Enlargement May Be More Popular)
Book Of Unlimited (But Censored) Pornography. "Darn It, The Good Bits Are Blacked Out On Every Single Page!"
Ring Of Kender Attraction
Rubber Bands Of Billaro
Bracers Of Amore
Book Of Many Errors
Deck Of Cards (You Throw Down A Card, And Hey Presto, There's A Card)
Operating System Of Many Failures (Also Known As Windows 98)
Lazy Rifle.
Daern's Instant Brothel
Drums Of Picnic
Eyes Of Metrification
Manual Of Bodily Odor.
Hanging Picture Of Crookedness
Toilet Roll Of Running Out.
Keen Writing Paper +4
Flamethrower Of Hair Drying
Pencil Of Sharpness
Invisible Clothing
Bottle Of German Humor
Underpants Of Malodorousness
Sword Of Rust +1
Boots Of Owner-Backside-Kicking
Wand Of Summon Mobster I (Brings In 1D3 Goombahs With Useless Guns Who Proceed To Eat All Your Food And Lounge About Playing Cards. Not For D20 Modern Campaigns.)
Ring Of The Lamb
Bohemian Ear Spork
Circlet Of Unwanted Star Trek Trivia
Gauntlets Of Hangnail
Ring Of Three Fishes
Goggles Of The Oxygen Channel
+2 Backscratcher
Rabbitslayer (Knife)
Plate Mail Of The Sauna
Scroll Of Meteor Summoning
Ice Skates Of Agility +10
Lead Shoes Of Water Breathing
Greatclub Of Curing And Smiting
Harmonica Of Healthful Slumber
A One Year Subscription To "The Morning Star"
Time Cube Of Truth
Long Hollow Tube Of Water Breathing.
Daern's Eventual Fortress.
Stool Of Stool Sampling
Perfume Of Stench
Scroll Of Identify Itself
Ring Of Three Fishes
Tome Of Useless Trivia
Paper Clip F Holding (And Never Letting Go)
Ascott Of Bad Accents
Keyboard Of Carpal Tunnel
Jock (Or Codpiece) Of Itching And Sctratching
Fork Of Spaghetti Twirling +1, +2 Against Angle Hair, +3 Against Linguini
Beer Goggles
Brew Of Jabbering
Mallet Of Thunderous Flatuence
Helm Of The Lightning Rod
Horn Of Killer Bee Summoning
Nun-Chuks Of Nut Numbing
Familiar Container Of Devouring
Necklace Of Magnetism
Staff Of Shower.
Obnoxious Weapons
Vestments Of The Latest Rage
Blanket Of Disintegration
The Stick Of Pain
Mask Of The Dull
Lens Of Defection
Sword-Chucks.
+1 Brilliant Energy, Undead Bane, Construct Bane Whip
Scabbard Of Sword Resistance
Codpiece Of Squirrel Summoning
Helm Of The Guillotine
The Teeth Of Novelty
+4 Billiant Energy Dental Floss Of Sharpness
Ugly Stick
A Deck Of Mini Things. I Used One Of These Once. Same As The Normal Deck, Only Miniature. The Castle Is In A Snowglobe, The Minor Death Is The Death Or Rats, The +4 Flaming Burst Weapon Is A Toothpick, And So On.
Hammer +2 With +3 Nails.
Cloak Of Detectable Magic
Glass Of Reflection
Imitation Leather Armor
Vecna's Middle Finger
Palor's Two Nuts In A Sack
Rod Of The Flacid
Girdle Of Obese Might
Wand Of Detect Silicon
Lightining Rod As Opposed To Rod Of Lightining.
Bag Of Molding
Amulet Of Mighty Fits +2
Belt Of Giant Stench
Pasties Of Defense +2
Gloves Of Sparrow Snaring
Wind Bag
Figurine Of Wonderous Power, Road Sloth
Incense Of Litigation
Buttocks Of The Titans
Bladder Of Vecna
Quaal's Feather Token, Coat Rack
Rope Of Engagement
Bottle Of Smog
Bag Of Ticks
Boat, Sinking
+1 Dagger Of Balloon Popping.
Colostomy Bag Of Holding
Beer Goggles Of The Desperate
Bracers Of Armoire
Sword Of Brilliant Lethargy
Liar Of Building (Also Known As Nozur's Marvelous Contractor)
Figurine Of Wonderous Power: Cat
Manuel Of Bodily Health
Tomb Of Understanding
Well Of One World.
Decanter Of Endless Cod-Liver Oil. ("Will You Drain Your Medicine?"
Mail Fo The Banshee (A Letter On Which Stands Written: "Ieaiaio")
Giant Throwing Socks
Armoire Of Invincibility
Helm Of Ameoba Strength
Gloves Of The Village People (Your Arms Will Constantly Be Spelling Out The Letters Ymca)...
"How To Attract Illithids" (Sounds Like Hentai...)
Circlet Of Mind Fogging.
Keen, Vorpal Suppository +2
+1 Instant Gnomish Butt Plug Of Death
Immovable Metal Repelling Giant Anvil
Wand Of Returning Fireballs
Telephone Of Silence.
Horn Of Fog, Only Works In 19Th Century England.
Codpiece Of The Eunuch
Fuzzy Bunny Slippers Of The Archmagi
Gloves Of The Hairy Palm (The Less Said About These The Better)
Glossy Magazine Of Eternal Blindness (Often Used With The Gloves)
Everbright Copper Piece (Not Worth Much, But It Sure Is Shiny)
Foreskin Of Vecna
Wand Of Mime Summoning
Daern's Instant Small Stone Cube
Figurine Of Wonderous Power (Ceramic Lawn Gnome)
Boots Of Eternal Moonwalking
Quaal's Feather Token (Quall- So You Can Kick His *** For Making Stupid Magic Feathers)
Ring Of Counterspelling (Every Spell You Cast, It Counterspells)
Ring Of Wizard Dry (Hey, No More Moist Wizards)
Ring Of Ex-Ray Vision (If A Guy's Name Used To Be Ray, You Can See Him)
Ring Of Spell Storing (Put It On And It Says "Storing, S-T-O-R-I-N-G")
Decanter Of Endless Sweat
Robe Of Blending (Puree Setting Only!)
Wind Fan (Now If You Could Just Find Someplace To Plug It In...)
Bottomless Cup Of Light Dwarven Ale (.05%)
Invisible Ring. (No, Not A Ring Of Invisibility, Just An Invisibile Ring. That's It. That's All.)
Rod Of Disintigrating. (Again, Not A Rod Of Disintigration...)
Armor Of Tortise-Fication. ("Turtle! Turtle!")
Girdle Of Abs Of Butter (As Opposed To The Popular Girdle Of Abs Of Steel)
Glass Of Ice Melting
Cat Of Disarming Cuteness (Battle Ceases While Everyone Watches Kitty Play)
Litterbox Of Foulest Stench
Bed Of Anti-Gravity (Only Floats Upwards While You Are On It)
Cd Of Eternal Skipping
Microwave Of Popcorn Burning +31
Telephone Of Heavy Breathing
Tome Of Unfathomable Understatements (Aka Tome Of British Humor)
Cat Of Fur Regeneration (You Need #412 With This One)
Wand Of Static Electricity ( Ow, That's Annoying!)
Book Of Smurf-To-English Translations (Who In The Smurf Would Want That?!)
Rod Of Fur Attraction
Helm Of Manical Laughter (Heh. Hehaha..Muhahaha...Muahahahaha...Muuhahahahahaaaaa!!)
Lute Of Porn Soundtracks (Bum-Chicka-Bow-Wow)
Kneepads Of Tripping (So Knocking Yourself Prone Won't Hurt Quite So Much)
Soap Of Hair Growth
Cursed Letter Of Endless Magazine Subscription (Once Letter Is Filled Out, Wherever You Move, They Will Find You And Make Sure You Have The Latest Issue)
Vanity Mirror Of Negative Self-Esteem
Kidney Stones Of Vecna
Mullet Of The Titans
Boots Of Stumbleing
Scroll Of Many Words
Toilet Of Holding
Inivisble Clothes
Condom Of Devouring
Bag Of Dirty Tricks
'fraidy Cat; Everything Living Has The Cause Fear Effect On It. See My Avatar.
Daern's Instant Chia-Pet
Wand Of Summon Mobster
Horn Of Soap Bubbles
Wand Of Tasha's Hideous Daughter
Quaal's Feather Token (Troll Underwear)
Myrlund's Spoo
+4 Vorpal Greataxe Of Monstrous Affection
Vorpal Butterknife
Arrows Of Returning
Headband Of Stupidity
Belt Of Sterility
Handbook Of The Player (+0.5)
Portable Hole Of Us Domestic ¨Beer¨
Potion Of Sweat Water
Sword Of Sing-Sing
Keen Ice Cream Scoop Of Vanilla Slaying
Ghost-Shield (The Shield Is Non-Corporeal)
Finnigan's Finger Of Fantastically Fragrant Flatulence (Pull My Finger...)
Sundial Of Darkness
Helm Of Male Patterned Baldness
Book Of One Thousand Papercuts
Armor Of Incontenance
Melf's Acid Tabs
Masterwork Club
Jack's Boot
Scroll With The Spell "Scribe Scroll"
Scale Male Of The Lizardman
Hot Rod
Cookbook Of Vile Darkess
Tome Of Literacy
Symbol, Cure Blindness.
Power Word, Hearagain.
Emotion Of Indifference
Priest's Garment Of The Atheist
Vorpal Razor ("Shaving Like Real Men!")
Contract Of Lawyer Summoning.
Band Of The Garage
Pink Feather Boa Of The Queen
Cement Boots Of The Sea
Naughty Tentacle Rod
Ring Of The Hive Mime
Tree Sap Of Stunning
Mace Of Foam
Blade Of The Dualist
Broom Of Sweeping
Weapon Of Sure Striking: When Drawn, Weapon Refuses To Work Until It's Contract Is Renegotiated
Weapon Of Energy Aura (Potential)
Numeric Variable Shield +N (Only Useful For Calculating Theoritical Ac)
Useless Buckler (With Things Such As A Toothpick, Half A Moldy Sandwich, And A Sock With A Hole In The Heel)
Trident Of Plankton Command
Wand Of Lightning Blot
Wand Of Burning Hans (Summons A Muscular German Man In A Red Speedo For 1 Round/Caster Level. Hans Does Nothing But Flex And Pose)
Belt Of Ochre Strength
Socks Of Fungus Command
Ronald Ray Gun (+1/+9 Vs. Democrats; Weilder Is Struck With A Feeblemind Spell With Each Use, No Save)
Holy Hand Grenade Of Antioch
Scroll With Spell "Summon Quasar Dragon"
Staff Of Burning Hens. (A.K.A. Chicken Spit)
Encyclopedia Of Demons & Devils
Figurine Of Wonderous Flower (Any Of Them)
Arrow Of Staying (Will Not Leave The Bow)
Ship Of Fools
Vecna's Life Insurance Policy
Mighty Composite Bow Of Double Vision
Trident Of Gum (+1/+3 Vs. Sugar)
Pegleg Pete's Brilliant Energy Vorpal Battleaxe Of Clumsiness
Cloak Of The Commoner. Wearer Can Polymorph Into A 1St Level Human Commoner And Takes Over Its Stats Exactly.
Catheter Of The Titans
Depends(Tm)-Brand Armor Of The Incontinent
Ring Of Stone-Falling
Armor Of The Dead Emporer (No Special Effects... Was Just Owned By A Now-Deceased Emporer At One Point)
Weapon Of Pursespewing
Dwarven Waraxe +2, Charnel Leaver (Weapon Can't Stand The Sight Of Blood And Will Compel Wielder To Flee Any Scenes Of Violence)
Snackrificial Knife - Only Useful For Preparing Quick, Small Meals.
Rod, Fleshbeater - ... We'll Just Not Get Into The Details About What That One Does.
Belt Of The Dread Emporer: +4 On Checks To Keep Up The Pants Of The Dread Emporer. Bonus Stacks With The Suspenders Of The Dread Emporer.
Belt Of Gravity
Pants Of Falling (Aka Trousers Of Dropping)
Shoelaces Of Tying (To The Opposed Shoe, Unfortunately)
Cloak Of Smurfkind (Wearer Shrinks And Skin Turns Blue, And Can Only Mutter Things In "Smurf-Speak")
Rug Of Spewing Dust (Cough, Cough)
Weed Of Noxious Vapors (Dooood....)
Spectacles Of Hindsight (20/20 Of Course)
Scrolls Of Infinite Red Tape (Found In Most Government Offices)
Ogre-Sized Fairy Clothing
Decanter Of Endless Gravy.
Decanter Of Endless Weak Tea.
Holey Socks (They Look Normal Most Of The Time, Untill Important Guests Come Round Unexpected, Then They Always Have A Hole In Them)
Leomund's Magnificant Maze (An Instant Maze Appears, With You In The Middle.)
Decanter Of Endless Salt Water.
Neverburning Torch. Too Light For A Club, Won't Catch On Fire. Ever.
Bed Of Wetting
Toilet Of Clogging
Drain Of Hair Catching
Boots Of Hobbit Stomping
Heward's Napstick Hafaflack
Mask Of The Mask
Oil Of Storms
Rod Of Constipation
Ugly Stick (Does Chr Damage)
Bottle Of Air (Other Wise Know As An Empty Bottle, No Deposite No Return)
Bag Of Rats!
Baby Seal Of Clubbing (Blue Fur, Multiple Piercings, Listens To Crystal Method)
Singing Sword Of Tone-Deafness
Dancing Sword Of Clumsiness
Talisman Of Zeno (Good For Long Road Trips)
Book Of Infinite Levels (At Least, No Dm Wants It)
Scarab Of Golem Protection (From You, That Is)
Periapt Of Plot Closure (Good For Ending A Campaign Just Before The Big Exciting Battle)
Pipes Of The Suers (Summons A Riaa Lawyer)
Roach Of Shielding
Sword Of Flaming (Don't Let It On Usenet, Doesn't React Well With Swords Of Trolling)
Montalban Of Spell Resistance (There Is No Plane! He Sees Through Your Trickery!)
Nolzur's Fingerpaints (That's It... Just Fingerpaint)
Perl Of Power (No Time To Code, I Got Three Campaigns To Play!)
Mall Of The Titans (No Sbarro's)
Mirror Of Pole Position (It's Missing A Controller)
Goggles Of Female Resistance (Otherwise Known As "Birth-Control Glasses")
Amulet Of Plane Attraction (Airplanes, That Is; One Word: "Duck")
Panties Of Shielding
Thong Of Gin Resistance
Boomerang Of Returning
Animal Food Of Fire Immunity (Could Be Embarrasing At The Bar-B-Q)
Rod Of Eminem Protection
Bowl Of Crying
Goggles Of No-Light Vision
Herring Of Tree Felling (This Does Not Count If Your Name Is Arthur)
Cloak Of Resistance (A Real Pain To Put That One On).
Cod Piece Of Cutting
Wings Of Falling
"Eye On Stone" Of Blindness
Computer Of Annyoying Pop-Ups

PowerWordDumb · Jul 25, 2003

575 Chainmail Bikini of Feminist Righteous Indignation

DarkSoldier · Jul 25, 2003

576: Mullet of Vecna.

Thresher · Jul 25, 2003

577. Mirror of Mental Scarring

578. Periapt of childhood trauma

Wippit Guud · Jul 25, 2003

Some artifact nostalgia

579. Baba Yaga's Chicken Coop
580. Rod of Seven Hundred Thousand Parts
581. Fax Machine of Lum the Stressed
582. Invisble Codpiece of Arnd
583. Sphere of Inebriation
584. Glass Eye of Vecna