14 year old girl wants to join my game

[dpetroc]

Well, I guess my point is: if the parents and teenager are OK with the arrangement, then *they're* obviously not going to say anything. So... kind of wondering who else would say something?

Rereading this part of the post made me think "Well, yeah, there is something to that" which was followed up quickly by "And the parents being 'OK' with the situation could change as quickly as the wind."

Wrestling with these issues is difficult because you DO want to encourage bright, creative and mature youth to explore their creativity. But despite what we would like the world to be like, the dangers of being falsely accused (and even exoneration of any charges still means your reputation is destroyed) are not inconsequential.

 

[Mark Chance]

And, I mean, I'm still pretty young. I was a kid in the *90s*, not back in the 60s or something.

The 90s? Heh. You're still a kid.

Rereading this part of the post made me think "Well, yeah, there is something to that" which was followed up quickly by "And the parents being 'OK' with the situation could change as quickly as the wind."

Wrestling with these issues is difficult because you DO want to encourage bright, creative and mature youth to explore their creativity. But despite what we would like the world to be like, the dangers of being falsely accused (and even exoneration of any charges still means your reputation is destroyed) are not inconsequential.

QFT. And the situation can be even worse. In my case, I teach at a small private school. A single lawsuit could not only seriously cripple my teaching career but also shut down the entire school for which I work.

 

[Jeysie]

The 90s? Heh. You're still a kid.

*grins* I can agree with that in some ways.

That kind of fuels my astonishment, though. I guess I'm just flabbergasted that things have changed so much in the relatively short time since I left school.

Peace & Luv, Liz

 

[Mark Chance]

*grins* I can agree with that in some ways.

That kind of fuels my astonishment, though. I guess I'm just flabbergasted that things have changed so much in the relatively short time since I left school.

I humbly, respectfully submit that what appears to you to be a drastic change is in fact the way things have pretty much been for quite a while, and the contrast you perceive probably has more to do with your relative lack of experience compared with my overabundance of it.

Even still, letting a minor into an adults' gaming group isn't a cut-and-dried situation. There isn't one always correct answer. The correct answer instead is a prudential decision to be made by those who would be affected.

As I've said: I, for one, would never allow a 14-year-old boy or girl into my gaming group, with the possible exception of my own children when they're that age, and even that is doubtful.

 

[WhatGravitas]

*grins* I can agree with that in some ways.

That kind of fuels my astonishment, though. I guess I'm just flabbergasted that things have changed so much in the relatively short time since I left school.

Peace & Luv, Liz

I'm 20, and per definition of some people here, I'm also still a kid

And yet, I'm confused by that as well, though my more prudent side tells me (as I've posted above), that caution is needed. Utmost caution.

About 14-year-olds... my sister is 13. And if she'd played D&D with teachers from my ex-school (and her now-school), I'd had absolutely no problems with it (except for one... but that's another story). However, the idea, that she contacts some 30+ year old male person - on her own initiative - is something that would creep me out. And that's completely unconnected to the 30+ year old on the other side.

And that's the point: Unconnected. I appreciate shilsen's attitude, and in fact, I support it - but in his case, he's talking about students he's knowing personally. People who know him, and therefore won't get near to him, if they'd just want to provoke such a 'predator case', because he's probably not the typical victim.

But here, that's a complete stranger. E-mailing someone out of the blue. And therefore, I repeat my advice: Contact the parents - a girl, that has the initiative to contact complete strangers through the anonymity of the internet probably has issues.

And that seems like a case, where the girl doesn't need a gaming group, but some discussions with her parents.

And note: I usually get along with older people better than with people in my own age (perhaps that's the reason, why the WotC boards appeal much less to me than this place), I was always annoyed by the lack of maturity of people of my age. Yet I think that girl's behaviour is somewhat alarming - it's one thing to get to a FLGS with older gamers, hanging out there, and another thing to contact complete strangers online. Either she has some kind of issue OR is complete naive and needs to be a bit more wary about modern media.

And that's a mess for the parents to sort out, so contact *them*, them *them*, and be done. Anything else is probably also a disservice to the girl, regardless of any risks, and as much as I'd want to see the hobby to prosper, and as much as I share shilsen's position.

Though the American paranoia baffles me a bit. But then, I'm an European.

Cheers, LT.

 

[dpetroc]

[snip]
Though the American paranoia baffles me a bit. But then, I'm an European.

Cheers, LT.

'Tis a paranoia born of many civil and criminal cases, Amber alerts, kids on the back of milk cartons, etc. Your statement above is the American equivalent of saying "I'm just baffled by all that mad cow nonsense."

 

[WhatGravitas]

'Tis a paranoia born of many civil and criminal cases, Amber alerts, kids on the back of milk cartons, etc. Your statement above is the American equivalent of saying "I'm just baffled by all that mad cow nonsense."

Never baffled by that, because I simply never liked beef! But then, I'm far too random to really worry about stuff... except for some more immediate problems (argh, mid-semester exams next week!)

Cheers, LT.

 

[Shortman McLeod]

Edit: Realized I had a perfect example. When I was 16, I had the chance to join a group of three men, one 19 at the time, the others in their late 20s- early 30s, to film a public-access TV show in the basement set of one of the guys, in a nearby city, once a week.

Let me make sure I understand: your mom was okay with you doing some filming in the basement of some guys in their late 20s and early 30s?

Wow. Your mom was either way too trusting, or way too naive, or something. :\

 

[Shortman McLeod]

[
I get the impression that there are almost no parents in this thread, so frankly, there's not much point to the discussion. Those of you who say, "Well, if I were a parent, I--" are just blowing smoke out of your yinyang, because unless you are a parent, you have no idea what it's like.

I have a daughter, and if she wanted to play D&D with a bunch of 30-year old guys, I would say to myself, "What the heck are these grown men doing wanting to hang out with a teenage girl? Ye gods."

Oh well. One day when you all have kids of your own, you will understand. I will now politely bow out of this conversation.

 

[Jeysie]

Let me make sure I understand: your mom was okay with you doing some filming in the basement of some guys in their late 20s and early 30s?

Wow. Your mom was either way too trusting, or way too naive, or something. :\

Neither.

For one, she had met all the guys beforehand, and had interacted with them, so she knew they were OK and not creepy.

For two, she understood that I was intelligent and mature enough to make my own decisions, take care of myself, and judge for myself whether the guys were creeps or not.

So, I guess my mom *was* trusting, in that she trusted she had raised me right, and trusted I would be a good kid. And she was right.

So, I'm sorry, I don't buy the "If you're a parent, you'd understand" bit. What I understand is that grown adults hanging out with a teenager is not automatically creepy - after all, as I said, my own RP group has adults RPing with teenagers, and the teens are perfectly mature and good roleplayers in their own right. Their age is a non-issue.

Neither would I mollycoddle my kids if I had any or base my decisions on media sensationalism when I know better. I know what did and didn't work for me when I was a kid, and I still remember what I was and wasn't able to handle at any given age in my life. So, I don't see why I'd suddenly become paranoid.

If anything, I wouldn't worry about adults mistreating my kids - I would worry about the *other kids* mistreating my kids. I never once suffered any abuse from an adult... but I spent eleven school years of my childhood being regularly abused physically and verbally by kids *my age* bullying me. *That* is what I'd be paranoid about if I was a parent.

Peace & Luv, Liz