14 year old girl wants to join my game

[Jeysie]

I think the point being raised here is not how you personally see the situation but rather how most of society will.

I guess my point is, it's up to the teenager's choice, and her parents', not society's.

The media always focuses on the sensational things that happen from a given circumstance, when the vast majority of the time things go fine. The end result is a lot of people get paranoid and cut themselves off from things, when if they were willing to step back and take a real look at things, they'd be more open-minded.

I just know that when I was a teen I was mature enough to make my own choices, *and* mostly allowed to do so, and the time I spent getting to know adults as "real" people was a valuable learning experience. I'd hate to see another teenager get deprived of that because of some ignorant knee-jerk reaction.

I also find it kind of weird that things have changed so much in the scant ~10 years since I was a teen. Maybe Massachusetts is just a really good state to live in?

Peace & Luv, Liz

 

[Felix]

I guess my point is, it's up to the teenager's choice, and her parents', not society's.

The potential upside of this arrangement with 30-year olds gaming with a 14 year old girl is a good time had by all, and someone who may game through highschool and beyond.

The potential downside of this arrangement is someone with an axe to grind accusing this teacher of inappropriate conduct, potentially resulting in loss of reputation, career, pension, etc.

Unfortunately the reason why I wouldn't game with this girl is to protect myself: I don't know who might use this innocent association to burn me. And when it comes to the law, it is society's choice, not the teenager's.

 

[Jeysie]

I guess I just find it extremely disappointing the thought that the law prevents someone from doing something legal, rather than preventing someone from doing something illegal like it's supposed to. Plus if the parents and teenager are OK with it, I don't really see who's supposed to be doing the slandering? *is confused*

If the parents weren't OK with it, there might be a problem... but then, if the parents weren't OK with it, the girl wouldn't be able to play anyway.

I dunno, maybe Massachusetts really is a good state. I've never heard of anyone I know getting so paranoid over this sort of thing... or even worrying about it at all.

Peace & Luv, Liz

 

[mhacdebhandia]

I'm 26, and wouldn't hesitate to play with a 14-year-old girl. Of course, I'm not a teacher who has to worry about socialising with minors; I'm in the animal health business.

I don't think it has to be taken as creepy. Lots of people will, of course, but I'd rather give her parents the opportunity to make up their own minds, for better or for worse.

That said, I doubt that a 14-year-old girl would want to play the games I want to play; I'm not worried about mature content in the sense of blood, sex, and horror, but in the sense that I like my games to be about more than just saving the day, and in my personal experience that's a taste which takes time to develop. It certainly did for me.

 

[Psyckosama]

I'd have let her in it under one condition: I get to meet her parents and if we get along and I can get one of them to roll up a character and join the game, she can play too.

 

[Felix]

Plus if the parents and teenager are OK with it, I don't really see who's supposed to be doing the slandering? *is confused*

Teachers who wrongly get brought up on child abuse charges rarely know in advance who the slanderer will be. This does happen. And to some degree it makes sense: the necessity is to protect the child, in the pursuit of which doubt is more quickly cast upon the adult.

I've never heard of anyone I know getting so paranoid over this sort of thing... or even worrying about it at all.

Go hang out in a teachers' lounge.

 

[JDJblatherings]

It is easy to end up on the Sex Offenders list. Your behavior can be 100% innocent and something can accidently happen that is absolutley innocent or harmless that a court of law may see as offensive behavior and ove then find their life ruined.

I know of a fellow on such a list , he didn't do anyhting wrong and he ended up in court a decade later and was found guilty. The jury saw a 29 ear old long haired RPG player defednign himself from violating a 13 year old girl (never mind she was 23 at the time, in the juries eyes he was that 29 year old man propelled back in tiem instead of a 19 year old).

The offense, tickling her . It was during frisbee football game and everyone was beinggoofy and teenagerish , like they were. He'll be paying for that the "crime" for many years if not the rest of his life.

You have to be very careful when yuo are an adult dealign with minors yuo are not diurectly realted to.

 

[dpetroc]

I guess I just find it extremely disappointing the thought that the law prevents someone from doing something legal, rather than preventing someone from doing something illegal like it's supposed to. Plus if the parents and teenager are OK with it, I don't really see who's supposed to be doing the slandering? *is confused*

If the parents weren't OK with it, there might be a problem... but then, if the parents weren't OK with it, the girl wouldn't be able to play anyway.

I dunno, maybe Massachusetts really is a good state. I've never heard of anyone I know getting so paranoid over this sort of thing... or even worrying about it at all.

Peace & Luv, Liz

Working in Higher Ed for the last ten or so years, I can tell you society HAS changed. Helicopter parents and 'kids' who call mommy and daddy when they failed a test after not attending class for two months because it "wasn't fair" -- and the parents calling the Dean to complain! A lot of kids are taking a LOT longer to grow up - and parents are more protective, and prone to reacting first, thinking later if ANYTHING untoward can be PERCEIVED as happening to their child.

20 years ago you let your seven year old roam the neigborhood at all hours for Halloween, DESPITE the usual 'razor blade in apples' rumors. Today, trick or treaters gather in herds with shepherds leading them to 'safe' looking houses.

The world is a different place. Honestly, I would be uncomfortable with a 14 year old at my gaming table - male or female. Partly because of their maturity, partly because of perception, and partly because of the content of my game.

Yes - maybe that's an American perspective and not as applicable to the Australian experience - but does the potential risk outweigh whatever can be deduced as a benefit?

 

[Jeysie]

Teachers who wrongly get brought up on child abuse charges rarely know in advance who the slanderer will be. This does happen. And to some degree it makes sense: the necessity is to protect the child, in the pursuit of which doubt is more quickly cast upon the adult.

Well, I guess my point is: if the parents and teenager are OK with the arrangement, then *they're* obviously not going to say anything. So... kind of wondering who else would say something?

Somebody: "Oh, he behaved inappropriately towards that girl!"
Other players, Girl, Girl's Parents: "Actually, nothing happened."
Somebody: "Oh, well, uh... never mind, then."

Also, what I meant was, I don't personally know any parents or kids who worry about that sort of thing. I can't think of any parents who would panic if their kid was hugged or tickled by a teacher... certainly mine didn't. I've hugged teachers, had gym teachers touch me to help show proper body technique for sports, played rough-and-tumble games with counselors... nobody ever got all paranoid about it.

And, I mean, I'm still pretty young. I was a kid in the *90s*, not back in the 60s or something.

Yes - maybe that's an American perspective and not as applicable to the Australian experience - but does the potential risk outweigh whatever can be deduced as a benefit?

Well, the big problem is what you already stated:

Helicopter parents and 'kids' who call mommy and daddy when they failed a test after not attending class for two months because it "wasn't fair" -- and the parents calling the Dean to complain! A lot of kids are taking a LOT longer to grow up - and parents are more protective, and prone to reacting first, thinking later if ANYTHING untoward can be PERCEIVED as happening to their child.

Basically, the more we disallow kids from being able to talk to adults and see them as real people and hear what life is like from an adult perspective... the more adults are unable to talk to kids and be able to find out about what kids are doing and thinking and their culture... the more parents mollycoddle their kids from being able to make their own choices and deal with the consequences...

Well, the more we end up with those kids who take forever to grow up, are detached from parents and authority figures, and are unprepared for actually dealing with the real world outside of school. I see it as a very, very bad downward spiral.

Peace & Luv, Liz

 

[dpetroc]

Well, the more we end up with those kids who take forever to grow up, are detached from parents and authority figures, and are unprepared for actually dealing with the real world outside of school. I see it as a very, very bad downward spiral.

Peace & Luv, Liz

You are right - it IS a very negative downward spiral. And I for one do not subscribe to that level of protection for my kids. HOWEVER - that being said, I wouldn't risk my liberty or reputation on hoping another parent saw things that way or wasn't just interested in feathering Jane's college fund with some settlement money.