14 year old girl wants to join my game

[Arrgh! Mark!]

Legally there really isn't a problem. As an Aussie we really aren't as legal-suit happy as some Yanks I've heard about so that generally isn't going to be the problem. The only real danger is to my reputation - and the best way to handle that is to be open and honest about it.

My missus seems particularly against it for some reason, (She keeps saying 'She's fourteen years old, after all - we are all much older) though the rest of the group haven't got a problem.

I'm yet to hear back - but at this junction it seems the effort to have the girl join isn't worth it. (I've already got a group of 8 people.)

But at this point it depends on how diplomatic she is, I suppose.

People who have had kids in their games, is it worth it?

 

[Silver Moon]

I have a fourteen year old girl wanting to join my gaming group too, namely my daughter. We've told he she has to wait until she's 18.

However, I do bring her with me to Gamedays and she fits in fine.

I am also planning an upcoming game for her and some of her friends, with parental permission.

 

[Henry]

People who have had kids in their games, is it worth it?

Depends on the kid. I've had two of the children from one of my gamers in our group, and they were pretty good -- I've heard some bad stories on the 'net where the whole session was taken up with the game getting bogged down in the problem actions the young gamer was taking.

 

[pawsplay]

Mainly, with a 14 year old, I would worry about transportation. Also, the notion that there might be more worthwhile things to do with your weekend if you don't want to spend the rest of your life looking at pictures at Elfwood and dressing up like a Klingon.

 

[Firebeetle]

Has anyone else had any experiences with this? Advice, or problems?

Experience, heh, you could say that.

I'm a teacher in Missouri. I don't know how law works in Australia but here teachers have "moral turpitude", which means that anything that gives the appearance of a problem is a problem. Districts cannot afford lawsuits even if nothing happened, so there is no real support there. I'm NEA (teacher's union) so I'm not scared about lawsuit cost, but being a small community any problems will reflect upon my career and that of my wife.

Furthermore, this is the fringe of the "Bible Belt", lots of Assembly of God, Pentecostal, and Baptist churches about. I don't know about Australia, or even other parts of America, but there is still some faintly remembered stigma about D&D here. I have a kid in class who wants to play with his older cousin and his mother won't let him. I've also had one or more anti-Harry Potter parents nearly every year.

When I started my last campaign, I recruited some older high school boys to the game. I spoke with their parents. It went swimmingly well. One boy brought another, it seemed OK. Then that boy's mother, disturbed about her son playing with "older men" in a "hidden room" (an old poker room made out of a converted garage bay) called my principal. He was very apologetic, but said if there was any further issue there was nothing he could do and my job was in jeopardy. I posted this incident to these pages (link anybody?) and finally came to the conclusion of "no kids" after three lawyers posted that it was a problem.

As a teacher, your position is public and you are subject to the "court of public opinion". The sorry truth is that a 14 year old girl in the company of grown men, unsupervised by parents, is a situation that lends itself to rumormongering and whisper campaign. Again, I don't know Australia's rules, but here a few upset calls to the district office leads to investigation and trouble. Districts do not want to deal with persistent trouble, and will not back you up.

I also had a group member assault his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. I had to tell him I could not hang out with a violent offender. It was the one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, as he seems like a really nice guy (the assault charge is a complete shock, but completely true.)

I would advise the girl to seek out public settings for play, but I cannot advise playing with her in given circumstances. If she had a parent or older adult relative with her, that would change circumstances in my opinion.

 

[Orryn Emrys]

I would advise the girl to seek out public settings for play, but I cannot advise playing with her in given circumstances. If she had a parent or older adult relative with her, that would change circumstances in my opinion.

*grins* Which probably seems like an odd idea for many of us who started gaming as minors, frequently with other minors... and whose parents simply wouldn't have understood, much less be interested in being involved somehow.

As it is, my 12-year-old stepdaughter is very interested in D&D, particularly since her mother and I both play and have since before she was born. She is a very intelligent child, and I think she'll make a good roleplayer some day... but she's still too immature to be part of our regular games, particularly since our group enjoys more mature themes and undercurrents in their game. As it is, I run a house game for her and her mother and a close friend occasionally, but this is far from enough to whet her appetite now that she's gotten a taste.

My honest suggestion to her is that she look toward putting together her own group. She very much wants to be a Dungeon Master, and I know I started running games at about her age (though I was a bit more intellectual and much more mature... most of my players at the time were adults, including my parents!). Unfortunately, she's just shy and geeky enough not to have any real friends at school... not the kind who'd be interested anyway.

Still... the point is, I think she should game. I just think she should do it with players closer to her own age. (Of course, now that she's a 12-year-old whose built more like a 16-year-old, I think I'll definitely want to know if any boys are involved... and maybe even have a word with them... )

 

[rgard]

Of course this may not be a problem at all. The 14 y/o girl may in fact be the 'creepy guy who always plays a hot elf chick'. He's just taking his roleplaying to a new level.

Thanks,
Rich

 

[CanadienneBacon]

My missus seems particularly against it for some reason...
...[snip]...
...People who have had kids in their games, is it worth it?

I snipped out some of the inside of your post, not to be rude but because it seems to me that you have all the information above that you need to decide against gaming with the girl. Your missus is against inviting the girl to the gaming table. I therefore wouldn't invite the girl. I'm not advocating cow-towing to one's wife, but I am advocating taking your spouse's--apparently strong--feeling on the matter into consideration. You're already on the fence about extending an invite to the girl. Couple that with your missus' opposition to the idea and it seems perfectly reasonable not to game with the 14-year-old.

 

[Cadfan]

Tell her you're sorry, but it wouldn't be appropriate. Explain the realities of the situation to her, and she'll understand. She won't be happy, but she'll understand.

You really, really should not game with this girl unless she brings a parent along every single game. The odds aren't high that you'll have a problem, or that people will talk bad about you for this, but the potential damage that could be done is so high that you don't want to risk it.

 

[frankthedm]

1. Not unless you game in a public place.
2. Not unless you know ALL the other players very well. If anything happened, you'd get grief for enabling your group's resident lolicon.
3. The email is suspicious, almost sounds like a cop posing as a kid.

A strange event occured recently; I recieved an email from my yahoo group messageboard from a random person wanting to play. Logically enough I asked a few questions - how old, what games did they like, that sort of thing - and got back a message that it was a 14 year old and she likes Shadowrun.