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40 year old man wants to join my game

Nyaricus

First Post
So, despite the completely ripped off title (see: 14 year old girl wants to join my game) I'm completely serious. A 40 year old man wants to join my game.

This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I have an add on D&D Meetups, and while I'm not explicit about the ages of my group I'm trying to form, it's quite evident we're all a younger crowd of folks (for the record, I'm 19 and the other confirmed players are 16, 17 and 20) from references to university and high school.

What makes me kinda go "wtf?" though is that this guy seems to be completely comfortable gaming with a group of strangers much younger then he, and I just can't get into his mindset. In any case, I won't be accepting him into the group (I met him at a Timmy Ho's in real life, and he's frankly more than a bit of a weirdo) but can anyone explain why I keep getting hits from mid 30 to 40 year old guys looking for game? Are people really that desperate?

:uhoh:,
--N
 

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It's a shame you can't bookmark this thread until you're 40.

I suspect, if you could see most of the people on ENWorld, you'd realize that you're already dealing with lots of guys his age, although hopefully not quite so weird.
 

Lanefan

Victoria Rules
Nyaricus said:
So, despite the completely ripped off title (see: 14 year old girl wants to join my game) I'm completely serious. A 40 year old man wants to join my game.

This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I have an add on D&D Meetups, and while I'm not explicit about the ages of my group I'm trying to form, it's quite evident we're all a younger crowd of folks (for the record, I'm 19 and the other confirmed players are 16, 17 and 20) from references to university and high school.

What makes me kinda go "wtf?" though is that this guy seems to be completely comfortable gaming with a group of strangers much younger then he, and I just can't get into his mindset. In any case, I won't be accepting him into the group (I met him at a Timmy Ho's in real life, and he's frankly more than a bit of a weirdo) but can anyone explain why I keep getting hits from mid 30 to 40 year old guys looking for game? Are people really that desperate?
::shrug:: If you're advertising for players and haven't put any age restrictions on what you'll accept, then you can't really complain when a wide range of ages answers said ads. That said, wierdo is wierdo regardless of age and it's perfectly fair to reject him on those grounds alone.

With the caveat that we all know each other outside the game at least to some extent, our current crew range in age from 10 to 47...the '10' is the daughter of the '47'; the grow-your-own-players strategy works yet again! :) The next oldest is about 25...still a pretty broad range.

I will, however, have to remember not to answer your ads should I ever be in a position to do so, as I'm 46.... :)

Lanefan
 

JustKim

First Post
Nyaricus said:
can anyone explain why I keep getting hits from mid 30 to 40 year old guys looking for game? Are people really that desperate?
It's because other people are not as offended by the age difference as you are. Once you leave university, you will find that the real world is full of people of all different ages, and you will be working and making friends with people who're 5 or 10 or 20 years your senior. Eventually you will get older and the opposite will be true.

If you say he's a weirdo, though, I will take your word for it.
 

Darklone

Registered User
When I was ca 25, I started with another buddy in a group of 35-40 year olds. Now ten years later, they are still playing and I meet them now and then (I still play with other players from that group).

I know many players who started this game at your age... when the game was pretty new. Some of them are still playing.
 


shouit

First Post
When I was 16, the DM was 45 or so. The other players were around 20-24, I was the youngest. It was an interesting experienced, taught me well how to deal with people.

I also think the median age of gamers has increased, since many of us started in the 80's and now are in our 30's. So, I think you will continue to get hits of older people, unless you state otherwise in your add.

A suggestion is to go down to your local game store this weekend, since it is Worldwide Game Day, there is bound to be people a little younger looking for groups then.
 

Quartz

Adventurer
Aging fart checking in. You'd be surprised at how many of us there are out there.

And how willing we are to lend a hand to you young'uns. :D
 

Wraith Form

Explorer
I was offended--and fairly ticked--at the snide, arrogant tone of this post.

You're pointing a finger, accusing 30 and 40 year olds of being immature (or 'desperate') about wanting to game...yet you're being intolerant of age.

Now that's immature.

Needless to say, the rules of the boards prohibit me from using several of the explatives I'm mentally hoisting your way.
 

Glyfair

First Post
Wraith Form said:
You're pointing a finger, accusing 30 and 40 year olds of being immature (or 'desperate') about wanting to game...yet you're being intolerant of age.
I don't get that at all from his post. He is pretty clear when he says "What makes me kinda go "wtf?" though is that this guy seems to be completely comfortable gaming with a group of strangers much younger then he, and I just can't get into his mindset."

He clearly feels that it's weird to game with those outside your age group. Now, I don't get that, but it's not "you should stop gaming when you get older" mindset.

Since a year or two after I started playing I often played with those outside my age group. A friend of mine has gotten all three of his kids to game and we have gamed together occasionally. Given that he is older than me (by about 5 years I'd guess) and his kids much younger (about 15 years younger), that's a pretty wide spread.

To me being stuck in the mindset of not being willing to expand your group is weird. As long as the player is a reasonable player and meshes well with your group then I say game with them.

In my experience groups of older players have a hard time staying together. As you get older more and more things get in the way, especially if you have kids. When one person has these issues it can be handled, when everyone has them at different times, it tends to fall apart. I wouldn't be surprised if they are one of the larger groups in the "looking for a game" category (along with the "just starting and interested in finding a group" and the "everyone keeps kicking me out of their group" categories).
 
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Beastman

First Post
Nyaricus said:
What makes me kinda go "wtf?" though is that this guy seems to be completely comfortable gaming with a group of strangers much younger then he, and I just can't get into his mindset. In any case, I won't be accepting him into the group (I met him at a Timmy Ho's in real life, and he's frankly more than a bit of a weirdo) but can anyone explain why I keep getting hits from mid 30 to 40 year old guys looking for game? Are people really that desperate?--N
So, i tell you something, the other way around. I don't like playing with much younger people. They usually disturb the game, are loud, want to drink at the gaming table, always tell jokes, and don't fit my group. We are all 35+ (5 people), oldest is 39.

But to be serious: if you think he is weired don't invite him - although i hope that you do not mean that he is weired because he wants to game (with you). Is he probably desperate to find a group, because there is a lack of players in your region? However, as some poster already stated above, you will be surprised how many oldman / women play RPG (yes even here in germany). So if searching for a new player, limit the age your are advertising for.
 

Midknightsun

First Post
Um yeah. If he's a weirdo, then I can completely understand. However, I for one can say that I don't really care much about the age of my players in and of itself, nor does that safeguard them from being "weird" or "desperate". Had more than a few weirdos that I had to kick out of the group who were in their late teens to early 20s, as well as a few of us older folks. Trust me, the older you get, the more you realize its just a number. As for desperate, that's a bit harsh. being in that 30 to 40 range myself, I wouldn't have a problem playing with younger players either (depending on their maturity level). Gamers wanna game no matter what their age. Its in our blood.
 

Silver Moon

First Post
The host and hostess of my first gaming group were in their late thirties while the rest of us were all in college. The age difference was never a factor, in fact, we often looked towards the two for sage advice outside of the game.

When I started my own group we were all either college age or High School seniors. A few years in an older man (mid-thirties) wanted to join up. He's been with us now for 23 years - as stated above, once you're beyond college age the difference isn't that much.

That said, if the guy is a real weirdo by your standards then you don't want him. The key to a good long-term game is group harmony.
 

Henry

Autoexreginated
Nyaricus, keep in mind two things:

1) It's been true for years (and may still be true, but I can't say for sure) that the largest group of players for D&D started in the early to mid 1980's, the age group you're talking about, so you'll run into more of them than anyone else;

2) A lot of them are of the "almost any table RPG game is better than no game" philosophy, and something as small as age difference won't bug them much.

I game with people anywhere from 3 to 7 years my junior, most of whom I met through work. One guy I used to game with was about 15 years older than me. It's not uncommon. Now, if he's not a good match for your group, that's cool; however, age isn't that big of a difference in the scheme of things, other than not catching cultural references. :)
 

wingsandsword

Adventurer
I'm 29, one of my closest friends that I game with regularly is 52, she has a daughter I often game with that's 21, and in my last campaign the three of us had a 18 year old Freshman from the University with us gaming.

Honestly, once everybody is a legal adult, age doesn't really matter with putting a gaming group together as long as everybody gets along.

Back in the "14 year old" thread, there were dire warnings about how teachers should never associate with students outside of school. Well, once you make it to college that goes out the window. I've known of two DM's that also were college instructors, and both had students playing in their games at some time or another.

You will get 40 year old gamers because people still game at the age of 40, it's not something you stop doing when you graduate from college, or turn 30, or turn 40. If you started when you were in your 20's back in the 70's with OD&D or 1e AD&D, you'd easily be in your 50's now, if not your 60's depending on just how old you were and when exactly you started. If you were college age in the big D&D boom of the early 80's, you'd very well be in your 40's by now.

Not all gamers look just like you in terms of age, sex, color or anything else you might want to imagine (I'd imagine there are trends and more likely patterns, but lots and lots of exceptions), and when you put out a public ad for gamers you're likely to get a wide range of people that for one reason or another don't have a regular gaming group. They could have recently moved to town and not found a new group, or their prior group could have broken up for any of a dozen reasons, or they have been out of gaming for a while and are coming back, or so on.
 

DragonLancer

First Post
Don't knock it. Back 91' when I set up my current gaming group (I was 18 at the time as were the others) we put up an ad for players and were joined by a guy old enough to be our dads. He was a good laugh and enjoyed gaming. He made it all the more interesting. He played with us for about 12 years before calling it quits, though we all still remain in contact with him.
 

JDJblatherings

First Post
Nyaricus said:
So, despite the completely ripped off title (see: 14 year old girl wants to join my game) I'm completely serious. A 40 year old man wants to join my game.

This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I have an add on D&D Meetups, and while I'm not explicit about the ages of my group I'm trying to form, it's quite evident we're all a younger crowd of folks (for the record, I'm 19 and the other confirmed players are 16, 17 and 20) from references to university and high school.

What makes me kinda go "wtf?" though is that this guy seems to be completely comfortable gaming with a group of strangers much younger then he, and I just can't get into his mindset. In any case, I won't be accepting him into the group (I met him at a Timmy Ho's in real life, and he's frankly more than a bit of a weirdo) but can anyone explain why I keep getting hits from mid 30 to 40 year old guys looking for game? Are people really that desperate?

:uhoh:,
--N

yeah having a guy that can bring a six pack or two to the game would be awful. JOKING.

I've gamed with a wide age raneg of players for years. Part of that is becasue of gaming with family however. My current group has an age span of 45 years between the youngest and oldest players. The largets age span I've had without family members is about 30 years.

Keeping an adult away for a group that is technically adults is strange but if you are getting a creep vibe you have a right not to game with people you don't want to hang out with.
 
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Zogmo

First Post
Nyaricus said:
A 40 year old man wants to join my game.

I understand completely!
I'm 42, have been DMing since 1977 and would hate it if Dave Arneson (60 years old) or Gary Gygax (69 years old) wanted to play in my game (I could only dream). Why would I want to play with older people? Sheesh. :p

That being said, he has to mesh and fit in. Being a weirdo of any age probably wouldn't work.
You've got to not be so biased and maybe you could learn a thing or two from the old fogies.

Seasoned gamers are ALWAYS welcome!
 

Jeysie

First Post
You know, when I first saw this message, I thought it was a satirical turnaround double-standards statement for the "14-year-old" thread. Having read through it... I think it's an *unintentional* satirical turnaround double-standards statement for the "14-year-old" thread. ;) But anyhoo...

In my experience of tending to end up with "fringe" hobbies, people who don't have a large enough pool of fellow fans to draw from to afford to be picky tend to be more willing to overlook age differences as long as the people they find are decent sorts. (and sometimes they're even willing to overlook that last part, too).

And sometimes the age difference is even preferable. A gamer much more mature than her peers might want to find gamers that she thinks will game with matching maturity. While a gamer who thinks his peers are too jaded or serious might think that younger gamers will have more energy and willingness to "just have fun".

In my own experience with gaming in a group that has members both a few years older than me *and* almost half my age, I find that personality is a more important factor.

Peace & Luv, Liz
 

Mustrum_Ridcully

Adventurer
The age difference in my current group is ~10-15 years, I think.
My case was the other way around, though - I wanted to continue my newfound hobby, and luckily, a school mate of mine found a group, but they were all older than we were.

I think the most important thing for any gamer is to get to do it. Age difference is the least problem you can encounter. Incompatible play styles is probably even worse then Wierdos. :)
(And from what I heard about the group composition, there were some very bizarre... "characters" in the group before me)
 

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